Why Christmas Feels Suffocating

Warning to those who love the Christmas season: 

You may not understand or appreciate this post. However, having this perspective may benefit you or someone in your life. It's important to read things that make us uncomfortable because there is often an opportunity to grow in discomfort.

Even as a child, I never really enjoyed Christmas. I remember going along with everything everyone expected me to participate once the calendar turned to December 1st. Some things like getting a new Christmas dress, baking and decorating cookies, and getting the American Girl Doll book set that I asked Santa for remain as special moments in my childhood memory.

I am actively working out many layers of my past in professional therapy, and much of that information is not currently appropriate for me to share with others. Still, for the first time in my life, I have successfully identified why I dread Christmas as much as I do. 

 Sin is why I find Christmas suffocating. 

Living in a sinful world means that anything that is the least bit good, fun, happy, and especially holy will be tainted with selfishness, past trauma carried down through the generations in the form of traditions, busyness, and gifts that are purchased. Please hear me when I say that I am not saying that buying presents, honoring traditions, and staying busy with all the things during the holidays is sinful; that is not what I am trying to convey. Rather, because we live in a sinful world, these things have the potential to create more harm than good but especially distract us from the truth of God's Word.

 I read a meme this season that said something to the effect of "Don't give people a hard time for putting up their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving. Life is hard for many people, so why would you want to deny a time of happiness and magic that makes them feel better?" The message of this meme hit me square between the eyes. Having grown up in a world of "nothing Christmas until after Thanksgiving," I followed the same protocol in my adult life. I have instructed my daughter to do the same when she sings Jingle Bells before the acceptable time. My reasoning was backed up by how we need to thank God for all He has blessed us with before we focus on all that we can give and receive in the form of monetary gifts. Speaking from the current and accurate perspective of a tired mother three days after Christmas, I can confidently add that Thanksgiving hasn't become a cultural phenomenon celebrated longer than two days at max. There is the cooking, meal, and time with family, but other than those things, that is it. That is Thanksgiving in America.

 Enter the month of December.

Each week is carefully looked at to see how and when one can accomplish all the things. Why? The reason varies from wanting to make Christmas memorable and magical for your kids to because that is just what people do. Of course, somewhere in between, there are reasons like trying to hide from real life and all its chaos, so naturally, we add "happy chaos and stress" wrapped in glitter and bows, thinking that somehow that fixes the rest of our reality.

Throw in grief, social media, more socializing than usual, and feeling obligated to provide "goodwill towards men." It's no wonder many of us feel we need to check into the nearest psych ward after December 25th and, at a minimum, work to get "back to normal" (whatever that is). 

While I didn't grow up in a home saturated with secular Christmas busyness, I grew up in a home saturated with hyper-spiritual busyness. Advent services every Wednesday, church craft afternoons, choir concerts, Sunday school children's Christmas programs, lighting the advent candle every day, church on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, as well as traveling back and forth to both sides of my grandparents for two separate celebrations with people that I saw maybe twice a year at best. 

I reiterate all the things I listed are not sinful in and of themselves but have the potential to cause more harm than good. For example, in my experience, minimal emphasis was placed on the "fun" part of Christmas that many children remember, but rather on recognizing "The Reason for the Season." While I will be forever grateful that God saw fit to place me in a home that taught me about Jesus, I am learning as an adult that things were done and taught without room to ask why. I learned to memorize Scripture but was never taught to understand what I memorized or the passage's context. Rote memorization without context is almost as bad as not being taught Scripture. 

Thankfully, God is sovereign and ordains the ends and means of our lives. By grace, we are saved and brought to the truth, not through how we are raised and what we were and were not taught. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose"-Romans 8:28.  

Most Christians know Romans 8:28, but rarely will you hear verses 29 through 31 memorized and recited. "For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called, and those whom He called He also justified; and whom He justified He also glorified. What, then, shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" 

Now, I'm not going to get into detail and debate predestination and profound theology in this post, but I share this to show the power of meaning within the full context of God's written Word. I praise the Lord that there is nothing I could have done or can currently do to obtain His grace and be given and shown the truth.

Apply this concept to Christmas. The only thing that we are called to do as Christians when it comes to Christmas is to recognize the miraculous birth of a Savior who stepped into our darkness to save us from our sins and share this gift with others while, in turn, being aware of the many gifts that we've already received in our lives. Out of context from Scripture, Christmas is suffocating. It consists of parties, cooking and baking, looking at lights, buying and wrapping presents, movies, and media that are pushed toward children and adults alike about why Christmas is so magical and what we need to do to obtain that magic for ourselves. Church activities, annual trips to destinations to create memories, Christmas clothing themes to be worn to school, finding and putting up a tree, decorating the tree and the rest of the house, Christmas pictures to be taken, and Christmas cards to be sent.

Throw in all those activities or just a few on top of normal life stressors, responsibilities, and routines, and cram them within four weeks. It's no wonder some of us feel locked in a tiny room without windows, filled with bright lights, loud noises, bright colors, Christmas carols, and lots of people, with no way out. We have all heard the statistics regarding depression, the holidays, and suicides, and it isn't a wonder. We have been overstimulated by the sinful complication of what is a simple yet profound gift and mystery for all who believe in Christ. Those who don't know Christ will also feel this way but have nowhere to go but the very same world that caused the suffering in the first place. 

I have often heard the trite "don't make it so complicated next year" or "Are your expectations too high for yourself?" and while this does have some merit, it does nothing to solve the problem because all of this is left to interpretation. For some, any of those activities is too much, and for others, three can be done before they feel like they are going to lose it; we are the only ones who know how to answer this question for ourselves.

Christmas is forced as being happy and twinkly, with lots of good cheer, because "it's the most wonderful time of the year," which has a way of highlighting pain, grief, depression, and all the other non-twinkly emotions. There are not many people or things to remind us of the darkness of the world prior to Christ being brought as a tiny, helpless babe because we are taught and conditioned to push our personal darkness into the closet for the sake of our children, appearances, and expectations put on by ourselves and others. 

The celebration of Christ is year-round. It shows up in every holiday, but it's up to us to find Him in the Christmas tree, turkey dinners, Easter baskets, and Valentine's Day candy. May our heavenly Father give us the courage and the strength to find Him while resting in the truth that those who love Jesus were lost but now are found.