Lonely Leaders, "Old Souls" and Trauma

As a young teenager, I can remember my mom saying the following statement:

"Leaders are always lonely." 

This was her way of recognizing that people who are leaders don't get to "run with the pack"; that being a leader means that you have an unpopular opinion, and are not afraid to express those opinions, having no fear of losing the respect of others because standing your ground on the truth is more important than being popular with others.

Along that same topic, I cannot begin to count the number of times I've been called an "old soul", labeled as "mature for her age" or "wise beyond her years." This was viewed as a positive thing by those who were quick to give the observation, but it felt more like a curse to have something separate me from other girls my age. However, having this personal reality meant that the older girls wanted to be my friend, which I thought was pretty special. I was more on their wavelength anyways. My time with older friends felt refreshing to the soul, which was unlike time with peers my age, as they always seemed shallow in the time we spent together.

There has been much work that I have been putting in with my therapy sessions since the sudden death of my mother in July 2021. As hard and painful as it has been, God is slowly peeling layers off of my past, helping me heal the "Little Girl Me", as well as the "Grown Woman Me". One of the things I've learned in this process are that the elements that others defined as an "old soul" was mostly due to young trauma.

Trauma is such a tricky beast. It is one of those words that you can experience for a very long time, but because it doesn't look like what you think trauma actually is, it remains a nameless feeling that becomes subject to the varied interpretations of others. That thing about you that others admire is actually something dark and confusing that has no resolve in the soul. Trauma.

As this "Old Soul" has made it to age 36, I am starting to see the well thought out intention of my heavenly Father in my trauma. One of the blessings that have come from this has been the deep and life changing connections that I've made with people who are also survivors. "Boat buddies."

Yesterday afternoon I had the privilege of spending time with a friend that is definitely one of my "boat buddies." As she shared with me her testimony of coming to Christ, as well as the trauma she experienced in her life, she gave the following visual that has inspired this description of friendship.

"Sarah, it's like on the Titanic, when the people who were drowning were being pulled out of the water to safety. They were the survivors, and because they are survivors, they had a very special bond for many, many years."

There are no words to describe how grateful I am for this boat buddy, as well as many others that God has placed in my life. As Christians, our identity is in Christ, but I would say that it's not too far of a stretch to say that "boat buddies" are children of God who are survivors of trauma. And to further elaborate on this thought, all Christians are survivors of some kind of pain and suffering in this world because we are children of God. Jesus clearly states in His Word that:

  "..you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved." Matthew 10:22

What a comfort to know that Jesus experienced all the emotions and temptations that we do (Heb.4:15), which includes trauma. It is this truth that will allow us to lead others to Christ who are walking this path of healing. A wise woman told me yesterday that "One of the greatest testimonies of the Gospel is to be emotionally stable during stress and uncertainty." which directly correlates with one of my favorite verses:

"I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken." Psalm 16:8

Because of sin we will shake. Because of our sin and the sins of others we will hurt, but by the work of the Holy Spirit we can stand firm, holding hands with the other survivors while bringing glory to God.