Starting Somewhere

Do you ever laugh at good intentions that you make?

One of the good intentions that I've made that I'm giggling at is when I was pregnant with Moya I had started a journal where I planned to record miles stones, special moments, etc.  I'm pretty sure that it's been close to two years since I've updated that journal, possibly three. I also have a journal dedicated to documenting the life story of the Bolden family, in an effort to see Gods fingerprints during hard times and reminders to worship him for all that He has done in our family. Again, about three years since that journal was opened.

I feel the same way about this blog, but there was never an urgency attached to it as far as remembering events and milestones. This blog exists for the sole purpose of ministering to the hearts of others, while being discerning as to what is to be shared and when. The one thing that these three good intentions have in common is that you have to start somewhere. You have to begin again or remove the option to continue the task.

This is my "starting somewhere" post for my blog. I cannot even begin to express to you the amount of material that has been ruminating in my brain for well over two years now, but somehow I could never bring myself to write it down. It was as if what was once something so natural and second nature to my life disappeared. Life continued to move forward, change and go what seems faster than ever before, but my ability to process it with writing froze in time.

The truth is that I was practically asleep for the whole year of 2021. The sudden and tragic loss of my precious mother, being pregnant with my son, working full time and and all the other things that I was expected to show up for literally created a disconnect between my brain and my emotions. I suppose this is why the writing stopped; how can you write if you are asleep? 

I am now awake, which is good and bad because that means that I can now, for better or worse, feel emotions and experience things in a way that I couldn't before. My prayer is that my personal journey of grief, change, and acceptance will minister to your heart. That my brokenness, exhaustion and pain will not annoy but make you feel not alone, and that my transparency and vulnerability will testify to the truth that we are called to do just this with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I take comfort in the truth that God knows exactly which of my good intentions would fall flat, because He planned on filling those empty pages anyways.

To God be the glory.