Thoughts About Feelings

 "I have a lot of feelings about this."

How many times have you heard someone say this phrase, including yourself? In the midst of all that is the year 2020, it is an understatement to say that feelings and emotions are running high, and that if you have a pulse this most definitely applies to everyone on some level.

Some of us are ridden with anxiety, others are keeping their nose down and plowing through the stress and emotions like a silent buffalo, while others are over compensating with humor and more Amazon purchases in an effort to have some sense of normalcy and feel something positive.

We can expect those who do not claim Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and shepherd of their souls to live their lives based on how they are feeling; what else could be expected to happen when there is no unwavering anchor to hold them steady as their world crumbles around them, whether it be slowly or in one big catastrophic explosion? 

But those who are not living by the standard of the world; those who know that there is something else bigger than themselves, those who believe in a sovereign God? We can't afford to live by how we feel, for our feelings are as fickle and often inaccurate as the current COVID-19 protocols.

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? "I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds." - Jeremiah 17:9-10

If our hearts are deceitful above all else and desperately sick, than I am confident in saying our feelings that stem from the heart are just as sick, though it should be said that feelings aren't wrong to experience, but definitely unwise to follow on their own.

The Lord has been teaching me and showing me over the course of this last year the extreme prevalence of false female Bible teachers within the Evangelical Christian community. This post isn't about that, but it is about what the Lord has been teaching me about the role of my feelings in regards to my relationship with Him, but also how they fit into the general understanding of living my day to day life as a woman surrendered to Christ. 

A life void of feelings and emotions would be, in my opinion, the equivalence of living death. Our emotions and feelings are what makes us feel alive, helps us process events, can help bind the positive and be used in incredibly beautiful ways. Hower, the opposite is also true. Feelings and emotions can often be inaccurate, cause a myriad of problems and act like a toxic drug that you can't get out of your system.

Please hear me when I say that there are some feelings/emotions that are unavoidable and will cause us to fall on our knees as the only response we can muster. The feelings that come from grief, abuse, and diagnosed mental health illnesses come to mind as I write this. While what I'm about to share does apply to these scenarios to a degree, it is not intended to speak into these scenarios as it is the other areas of humanity.

I entered into an relationship with Jesus Christ when I was 11 years old. My sweet grandmother ( of whom I was given her name as my middle name; Ardella) gave me a journal with a nautical design on the front, with seashells and Scripture verses adorning the pages. She said "maybe this will give you a place to write what is going on in your heart" as during that time life as I knew it was falling apart around me. Little did she know that that small journal was the beginning of many, many prayer journals, filled with conversations to God. 

The journals in combination with a homeschool community that fostered an environment of conservative values, birthed a relationship with God that was indeed (and still is) the foundation of my life, but very little actual teaching of Gods Word in context was apart of that experience. I do not fault anyone for this reality, as it was quite obviously His will for my life to be 34 years of age and be able to recognize that truth. I have come to understand that that there was a great deal of emotion connected to my relationship with God, because especially as women, we want to experience God in a way that is real and personal, because, well, He is real and personal; He is the Creator of all and He has seen fit for me and you to have direct access with Him at all times, loving us with an everlasting love.(Jeremiah 31:3) 

In a world that teaches us that how you feel at any given point is valid and should be honored, may we honor the One True God who made those emotions and desires us to trust Him with them and everything else that concerns our hearts. As long as we continue to breathe, may we work out our salvation (Phil.2:12) as God calls us to switch from milk to solids in our understanding of Him and His Word. (Hebrews 5:12)