A Letter to the Single Woman Who Wishes She Wasn't


 Today I had the opportunity to sit in a coffee shop with a cold brewed coffee, alone.
The shop was busy and noisy with the espresso machine blasting every 10 minutes, the chatter of seniors taking their time, young moms gathering for fellowship with other moms and their littles, and business men and women on important phone calls;

But I was alone.

 Alone in the sense that nobody needed me, my phone was turned down to prevent me from hearing notifications and I didn't have a little human saying "mama" every five seconds.

Amongst the crowd there were at least five individuals who were studying, had their ear buds plugged into their devices and completely immersed in something of some significance. As I watched them, I was reminded of the season of my life where I would sit in a coffee shop for hours reading, writing and striving to listen to what God had to say to me.
I wasn't married, but I longed to be. I wasn't dating, but I so wished that I was. My life seemed to be moving forward and yet not moving at all, as I waited for what I believed to be such a key part of Gods story for my life.

Tonight as I was singing my little girl to sleep, surrounded by the clothes that didn't get hung up, the floor that is still dirty and needs to be vacuumed and so much clutter that I can't seem to get control of, God laid it on my heart to share the following letter to the single woman who wishes she wasn't single; the one who is longing to be in my current season of life.

My prayer is that whatever I write will be to Gods ultimate glory, and will only be used to edify, encourage and inspire the reader to "Lift Thine Eyes" to Christ. This blog entry is no exception.

"Dear Single Woman who Wishes She Wasn't:

 Hi there. I'm not exactly sure where to begin except with, I've been there.

 I have been in that state of mind where I believed that I had yet to "arrive" to what I thought was the most significant place in my life. That time where I knew that God had me right where He wanted me, but the ache was real during the wait.
I wanted so badly to share a life with someone, have children and ultimately get to "the best years of my life."

High School was not the best years of my life, so I thought that God had some "other" time that would fill that description. And while many of my peers were either seriously dating, marrying and/or pursuing meaningful, "climbing the ladder" kind of careers, I was just doing the next right thing, which at the time was bringing joy to senior citizens as an Activity Director.

As I write this, I can picture my "Happy Place" during that season of my life. It was an old train station that had been converted into a two story coffee shop. When life was unpredictable and lonely, it was like a constant good friend who was always there for me, complete with the amazing aroma of espresso and caramel.

It was in that place that I would write letters to my future husband, journal page after page after page of prayers to God, read books that would inspire me and listen to podcasts that motivated me. I truly loved that time there, and had no idea that it would be many, many years before I had the opportunity to do that again.

I'm not going to tell you about how busy and tired I am; about how I feel stretched in a million directions and that you can't possibly know how that must feel, since it's just you. 

I'm not going to say something like "Enjoy every second of this single life now, because trust me, I wish I was single again." or secretly envy you that you get to sleep in when you want to. (okay, maybe I'm a little bit envious of that.)

I'm not going to say those things, because the truth is, I love being married and being called "mama". I am daily grateful that God saw fit to include marriage and family in my story, but there was a time where I questioned if He ever would write those chapters in my book.

It was during that questioning that I found myself in a state of pure love with Jesus. I not only talked to Him daily, but I wrote to Him, cried to Him and shared life with Him. I found it scary to not know what the future held, but God used that time to hone in me a deep, unwavering faith.

Flash forward about eight years later. I'm married to my best friend, I have a beautiful daughter and to quote a friend of mine, a "very full life". What I thought I lacked in the past is no more, but has been replaced with a whole different kind of empty.

Tonight after Moya fell asleep, I prayed out loud:

" Lord, I feel so badly that it's been awhile since I've talked to you like this. I aim to live my life for you, and yet I struggle to take time to even just say "hi" to you. I know your grace is sufficient and you know my heart, but I miss you. I miss the time that I used to have with you."

You may have time right now, or you may feel like you have no time, but I will tell you this:

This is your time.

This season of singleness has precious elements that can never be relived in the same way again. And while some women may be called to an entire life of singleness, for every woman God uses every second to pave the way for something or somebody else. Any woman's life surrendered to Christ is full of purpose, married or not. Ultimately, it is trusting Him that our lives are not our own, but His, and this truth takes challenges of many different forms as life moves forward and the storms hit us hard.

God sees you. He knows you. He longs for you to know these things and fully live in a way that "Laughs at the time to come" (Proverbs 31:5)

Take heart sister, for there is no greater love than the one that you (hopefully) already have with Christ. It is that love that will enable you to keep going when He brings other loves that vie for your attention and especially your heart.

Love,
A Woman who Lives by Grace Alone. "







Comments

  1. You're a very gifted writer Sarah! I could smell the espresso and caramel from California! Loved your blog post! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! :) I truly appreciate it, and I'm glad it was a blessing to you!

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