I am a simple, yet passionate woman who is on the life-long journey to understanding God, others, and myself. My dreams and ambitions are many, taking on different forms as the years go by, but one thing is certain: I desire what God desires for my life.I am ready for every season of life, and my bags are packed for every adventure.
I'm not a big "Christmas" kind of girl, but one of my favorite Christmas themed traditions/movies is "The Muppets Christmas Carol". I have watched it nearly every year since I was a child, with this year being no exception. One of the things that I love about movies and literature that are beloved all through your life, is that you discover and learn different things as you become older. This year I heard the narrator of the Christmas Carol say something that lands in that exact category.
"Scrooge loved the darkness, because darkness was cheap."
This phrase has been rolling around in my brain all day, trying to put meaning to these words. I have never thought of darkness as being cheap, but in fact it actually is. I think about how my grandma would harp on me for keeping the lights on when they were not in use, because of how expensive the electric bill would be. I also think about how things that are of dark nature in this world are typically done in the actual darkness, and yet have an expensive price at the end.
I also have been thinking about what we are willing to give up to not have light. That the light that we shine as Christians can appear to have an expense to those who are living in darkness; it's something that they want, but darkness is so much cheaper. Now let me make this more personal. Let us think about the light that we are willing to forfeit in order to live in the comfort of our own darkness.
Our sins, bad habits, fears and anxieties.
Tomorrow night my husband and I are going to go to a traditional Christmas Eve candle light service. Now granted, there are many beautiful things to be experienced in this world, but on the top of my personal list would be the candle light service at Christmas Eve. What better way to celebrate the birth of the light of the world, than with candles that light up a dark room? What better way to remember the birthday of our Savior than with old hymns that warm the hearts with truth such as "Prince of Peace" and "the darkness had felt it's worth"?
We no longer have to live in darkness my friends! Take this truth to heart this Christmas in the midst of all of the unwrapping of gifts, annoying relatives, long car rides and hours of Christmas movies.
Jesus is the light of the world. His death came at such an expensive price for a person with such cheap worth as myself. The Light gives us our worth.
This simple word emits many images. Some people think of an actual house, while others think of mom, dad and fresh baked bread, sitting on the front porch and raking leaves in the front yard.
This word also emits many emotions. For some the emotions are happy, fulfilling and encouraging, while for others they are sad, bittersweet, angry, confused, discouraged and apathetic.
It is no secret that the holidays stress and capitalize on home. Classic Christmas melodies are filled with what home should be, and that Christmas simply isn't Christmas without being home.
For many, "home" is emotionally distant and unkind. Home is out of reach, being thousands and thousands of miles away. The physical home could be in the process of being sold, leaving it's former tenants scrambling around boxes and eating on paper plates. For some home is their car, because they simply have no other place for its rightful name.
I find it ironic that baby Jesus wasn't born in a comfortable home, but in a manager shared with livestock. Shortly after the birth of the King, Mary and Joseph took baby Jesus and fled to Egypt for safety, not being sure what home is or what it would look like.
They had but one truth to cling to: home is where Jesus is.
And where is He?
For those who believe in Him as their Lord and Savior, we have a home in His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us; a promise that the very tiny Prince of Peace babe came into this dark world to shed light and hope for its inhabitants.
He is in the heart of servants who are spreading this message of hope from the pulpit and all the way across the world through a missionary who has learned to speak another language.
He is in the face of a brand new baby, and in the tears of those who know their loved one has gone home to be with Jesus.
You see, there may be "no place like home for the holidays" but the truth is that there is no place like home than in the arms of Jesus Christ. Our physical home will change and sometimes even disappoint, but our home in Christ never will. The door is never locked and the candles in the window are always lit, leading you to your home in Him.
Driving along highway 25 this afternoon, I found myself consciously making an effort to make sure my attitude was positive and in top notch condition for whatever awaited me at my shift in retail. It seemed like I was behind every slow poke in North Carolina, as well as every garbage truck or utility vehicle, which was just adding to the challenge of achieving a positive attitude upon entering the doors of the Christmas retail games at the mall.
About half way there, the classic Christmas song "Breath of Heaven" ( made popular by vocalist Amy Grant in the 1980's and 90's) came on the radio. I have always, always loved the message that that song brings; Mary's song. There is so much beautiful truth woven into the lyrics, but this time a specific phrase rose above the others.
"But I offer all I am, for the mercy of your plan."
The Christmas season as we know it makes me sad. It is so full of everything that you can obtain, should obtain or don't obtain. It is often more about the way your house is decorated, getting a sale on butter for Christmas desserts or finding that perfect gift than it is about offering all that you are to Jesus Christ. Although these elements of the season aren't wrong, it is clear that the world gives Christmas a focus that is so out of focus.
For the Christian, this season is a time to celebrate and rejoice in the coming of a tiny baby King; a baby who brought hope and still brings hope to a dark and scary world. At the very least we can make an effort to ponder what it means to offer all that we are.
This is not a plea to burn out, but to burn with Christ's love in such a way that offering that light to those around us will be unavoidable. In a world whose pain and lack of hope is drowning in consumerism, perfectionism and self, we can hold our little candles of Christ hope and trust that the illumination is brighter than we can see.
"In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."-Matthew 5:16
What is home? I used to always say "home is where my mother is". Home wasn't four walls with rooms in a certain location, but home was where my mom resided. So far my life adventures have taken me to several different states and through a variety of experiences. It was such a comforting feeling to know that if something ever happened in a season of life, that mom was home. I could always go home.
Now I am married. I love marriage, but my little girl heart is transitioning from "home is where mom is" to "home is where my husband is". Just as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz would say while clicking the heels of her ruby red slippers "there's no place like home...there's no place like home", so I find myself wishing I had a pair of those slippers; then I come to my senses and realize that this is home. My husband, North Carolina. This is my new home.
As human beings it is natural to want to cling to something that is consistent and won't fall through. Houses can be sold, jobs will end, friendships will turn sour, but the deep and intimate love of a parent or a spouse stays in tact with the strength and by the will of God. We find ourselves resting in the rooms of their heart, finding safety from the outside world.
God calls us to do just that with Him; He desires us to make our hearts His home. He stands at the door knocking ever so gently, but with consistency, waiting for us to let Him in. Without the Lord in our hearts, how are others going to seek refuge in the arms of the Savior? So often we forget that who is within our hearts is what enables us to love, protect, guide and to serve.
May you find comfort in the shadow of His wings. May you have the courage to answer His knock on your soul. And last but not least, may you never forget that though our physical "homes" of people and places will alter and sometimes disappear, but God is your home; always open, welcoming, and He is always home.
Yesterday while driving up the mountains of North Carolina, surrounded by leaves adorned in their beautiful fall wardrobe, I found myself praying out loud. There is something about the mountains that makes me feel closer to God. I think it's a combination of the colors, the towering heights and the peacefulness that reminds me of how small I am and how big my God is.
As I was praying, I found myself saying something like this "God, I ask that you would make whatever you want out of this. That you would create a something out of my nothing."
When we ask for Gods will to be done in our lives, it will be Gods something. What a comfort when we don't know anything, not even the "next right thing"! However, in my humanity I tend to withhold from God what is needed to create His "something". For some reason I fight back and forth with giving the fear, pain, anxiety and general nerves to the one who holds my future in His hands.
Does this sound familiar?
I find myself trying over and over and over again to control and produce something, anything that will give me some level of comfort or make a lick of sense. Before I know it, I'm tired and have found myself in this semi-deep black hole that just gets deeper and blacker as I try to create something out of my nothing.
It is simply impossible.
A classic job interview question is "Where do you see yourself in 10 years? What are your goals?". I used to have an actual answer or at least some idea as to how to answer that question. Now I just laugh! Five years ago I would have never imagined that I would be married to a red headed southern man, living in North Carolina and surrounded by Baptists. When we give our nothing and our everything in a simultaneous manner to God, He creates His something.
Something beautiful. Something unexpected. Something that was always supposed to be exactly what it is.
Grasping the depth of Gods love for me is not a one time experience. It is an event that takes place in different ways and at different times, with each reach being completely unique for the season of life that I'm in.
When I was a child, I learned to grasp Gods fatherly love. I learned that He would never leave nor forsake me, and that when everything around me was unreliable and shattering into jagged pieces that would continue to cut into my security and wellbeing, He was there. There to comfort, heal and make things new.
When I was a single, unmarried woman I learned to grasp Gods friend type love. During those lonely hours when I wished I had a girlfriend to get a cup of coffee with, I learned to get a cup of coffee with God my Friend. He would always listen, as well as give insight if I would just be quiet long enough for Him to get in a word edge wise.
Now as a married woman, I am experiencing the ultimate depth of Gods love for me through my best friend. Every day I see and experience the love and faithfulness of my husband, but can't help but think that God loves me even more.
The greatest human love that we can experience on this earth has no comparison to the love of God the Father. Grasping for a better understanding of this concept has not been within my reach. Through each season of life my God has been love to me in the way that I needed it, because that is just like Him....loving me even more than anyone else in this world ever could.
He desires even more of you than what you have given Him. I often think that I have given Him everything, but in my brokenness I am reminded that so often I hang on to just even a tiny piece of something that belongs to Him. Have you been here friend? Can you relate?
May you have the courage to understand the depth of His love as being the greatest love you will ever experience, and may you understand even more the purpose that this love holds. His purpose, His will, His love.
This is a statement that I have found myself saying over and over again in countless scenarios that have taken place in my life. There is such great comfort in the reality that I am a broken and sinful human being by default, and that the Maker of the Heavens is my perfect, heavenly Father. When I think of what a gift this is.... a flawed, unmolded piece of clay that has fallen off of the Potter's wheel time and time again with a giant "SPLAT!"... how can I ever question His ways, His timing, His plan?
As I sit here in my Tuesday morning insomnia, I feel a very strong urge of the Holy Spirit to convey this profound truth:
God is God and I am not.
With every turn we are bombarded with this idea of what we "should" have and what we "should" be feeling. We are told that debt is bad and more money is good. We inherently know with everything in us that pain is bad, though a person with leprosy would give anything to feel pain; to feel a warning that something bad is about to happen.
But that's just it friends. Bad things do happen without warning. Things that make us feel awful and cause us to lose sleep. But what is it that separates the good things in life from the bad?
If God is in all things....if we believe in our heart of hearts that He is sovereign and holds our lives in the palm of His hand.... why is there a distinction between good and bad, when God is in the good and bad and therefore, it is all Gods?
He created us to understand this distinction in our humanity. After all, who really wants to break an arm or lose a loved one to the disease of Dementia? Who wants to experience the death of a baby, the cancer that has invaded a spouse, or losing a job without any warning?
There are days where I wish that the amount of prayers I pray would move God to a result that I desire. These are not frivolous desires like being able to find my car keys or being able to lose weight without diet and exercise. No, these are deep seeded desires and cries to God for the Salvation of a family member, cures of the sick and healing for those who have been emotionally abused. It is in moments like these where I wished that if I prayed enough or even at all, that God would answer my prayer the way that I want it to be answered.
But what if God doesn't want a cure? What if the things that make us cry out to God are put in place and allowed for a deeper purpose than how I feel at that time?
If God is sovereign and I'm a sinner on her way to her eternal home, who am I to question His ways? All I can do is press deeper and deeper into my Jesus. All I can do is embrace His sovereignty and trust that through my pain, how I feel is a faded fact compared to this truth.
"Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose."- Isaiah 46:9-10
Clutter. It has the potential to be everywhere, while simultaneously driving us mentally insane. It starts with the mail from yesterday that got tossed on the dining room table in a moment of "I don't have the energy to face this right now", and throughout the weeks more and more things accumulate for different reasons.
Those who follow the "Zen" mentality will say that a physically cluttered environment equals a cluttered mind, of which I whole heartedly agree. Maybe that is why I feel like I can't tackle important things like written correspondence, writing, reading, etc., until the house is clean. Clutter can be a distraction on so many levels, but clutter can also stop us from reaching that space that is clean and clear and free of stress and limitations; a space that we are able to truly breathe and take in all of life as God intended it.
Many of you know that I am a personal care taker for a woman for one of my jobs. God literally brought her right to my place of work, in which He met my financial need and her need for assistance to make it through her life. Recently this lady has moved from a larger condo to a very small one bed room apartment, which has proven to be a very trying and emotional experience for her. I have assisted her in thinking things through to make decisions, physically lifting and moving boxes and being a general companion to shoulder life with two days a week.
Throughout the last six months it has been a never ending cycle of trips to and from her condo, emptying things into the sun room of her new apartment. Piles of "not sure what to do with this", " I can't bear to throw this away but I don't know why", and "I'm sure I will need this at some point" began to take up her entire apartment. But little by little, each box was emptied, trips to second hand stores were made and gradually she is beginning to let go.
Last week we made such significant improvement that she was now able to open the door to her porch that overlooks the mountains. The look on her face was happy and peaceful when she realized that she could now open up the door to the outside world.
As I watched her open the door, I couldn't help but feel the chill of the Holy Spirit in that room as He gently reminded me of how so many things can clutter my life, blocking the entrance of His presence. In a world that is telling us to "Go, go, go!", a world that is telling us that we haven't made enough of our time that day and to find purpose in our productivity, we have become cluttered, blocking off the very thing that we need to make it through this life.
Fear is often the factor that keeps us from being able to open the door. I am reminded of the TLC show "Hoarders", and how so many of those people developed the hoarding habit because their fear was so immense that they needed to be able to control something; they needed to be able to find solace in something physical.
Friends, it is the physical that clutters, serving as a barricade to the life giving source of Jesus Christ.
May you have the courage to ask God to show you your "clutter". May that realization prompt you to make way to stepping on that porch patio, drinking in the sunshine and breeze of His grace.
Every now and again God gives me a word or a phrase that flutters about in my head and heart until I am able to write it in actual words. This week that word has been "press".
Now, maybe it is because Jeremy and I recently received a Bodum French Press Coffee Maker as a wedding gift off of one of our registries, or maybe it is because I keep telling myself to "press onward and upward" like a dutiful soldier with a cathedral length veil, about to attend the war of the 3 weeks before her wedding and all that entails. Whatever the reason, I must surrender to the writer within in order to do something productive with this ear worm of a word.
Have you ever had French press coffee? For the coffee lover, it's really a treat. It takes extra time, as you have to grind the beans, heat the water and let it brew before you apply the pressure which produces liquid gold that is actually more of a bronze color. There is a distinctly better taste that the longer process produces than the instant gratification of a Keurig maker or a typical coffee maker. Pressure+time= something that is worth it.
And then there is the type of press that is involved in covering a whole 9x13 pan with one tube of biscuits. You have to pull the pieces apart and press them into every nook and cranny the best you can so that you can create an even crust. Sometimes you just have to press things as hard as you can to cover any gaps and holes. This can be time, sanity, patience or biscuit dough, just to name a few.
"Pressing forward" is what we all need to do in order to survive. Life comes at us with all kinds of blows, surprises and exhaustion that can make it hard to keep doing the "next right thing" that comes our way. The pressure can be so intense at times that the only thing we can imagine pressing is our head to a posture pedic pillow.
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. Perplexed, but not in despair. Persecuted, but not abandoned. Struck down, but not destroyed."- 2nd Corinthians 4:8-9
As a child of Christ, we will never be crushed, though sometimes it may feel that everything is crushed into a million pieces; your heart, your finances, your health, your relationships. Our eternal life in Christ ensures us that even if our bones are physically crushed, our soul can never be destroyed. There is no amount of earthly pressure that will crush us, and what is pressed down to near pieces produces French press coffee quality because of Gods goodness and grace.
So friends, press. Press forward, press down, and press into Jesus. Let Him use all the pressure it takes and trust Him in process.
Hallmark. Just seeing or hearing the word gives you visions of sunshine, rainbows and "feel good fuzzies". Very few people can walk into a Hallmark store and not display at least a half-grin. For decades the Hallmark enterprise has connected loved ones to each other through cards and meaningful trinkets, placing as many gold seals on the memories of millions of individuals as on the envelopes of their cards.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have had an intense passion and love for greeting cards. I can distinctly remember a wire ring paper notebook that had birthday cards glued to the pages. Reading and re-reading those cards reminded me of the people who loved me, sharing words of affirmation that my little- yet -big heart needed in order to survive and make sense of the world.
About 1 year ago, the Lord brought me to a part time job at a Hallmark store. He literally led me to it, as I was approached by my now boss in the check out lane of another store that I was working for at that time. It has been a true blessing to work around all those beautiful cards, but it is an even greater blessing to be instrumental in helping people find the right card to express themselves to the loved ones in their lives. Finding the right words has always been an interest and skill of mine, but little did I know how God would use that interest and skill to open my eyes to something that I would never expect to see in a Hallmark store.
Pain.
Last week as I was combing the seasonal card aisle, I came across a visibly disgruntled woman. "Mam', are you finding everything okay?" I asked, hoping that I wouldn't receive the typical answer of "Oh, no thanks. I'm fine" when they clearly are not. "No...these cards. There are just too many "nice" things to say. Mother's Day is hard." was her response. Her response reminded me of the guest that I assisted during the Christmas rush who's mother is an alcoholic. We looked through so many of those cards to find something that would express that she loved her mother, but something that wouldn't lie to her. It was that experience that opened my eyes to the people reading those cards.
"Thank you for everything you've done", "because of you I have been able to accomplish my goals", "In you I find beauty and strength" and "you deserve this day" were just a few of the phrases that I helped the woman navigate through as we went through mushy card after mushy card. Not a single one was "right" until she stumbled across one that would "do" for that person.
Friends, everywhere we look there is pain. We may not be able to see, hear or experience it, but there is pain. There is that classic quote "be kind, for everyone is fighting their own battle"; and though this quote couldn't be any more true, I want to point out how quickly we lose sight of our opportunities to shine Gods love into the lives of people in pain. Furthermore, how often we miss out on this opportunity because we are wallowing or working through our own pain and frustrations.
As Christians, we cannot afford to become immune to the pain of others. We must feel their pain to the best of our ability, offering compassion and encouragement in a world that is only willing to offer criticism and judgment. We must ask God to help us see through their pain and get a glimpse of their heart. Our world will do anything that it can to mask painful life symptoms with marketed holidays, food, and "togetherness" with people that actually hurt them.
We are taught that having a mask is essential to survival, but as Christians we are called to take off the mask and look to the revealed face of Jesus Christ. May God enable you to see past the mask of a person and into their hearts. Experience their pain so that they will realize that they do not need to experience it alone.
"Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."-Deuteronomy 8:2-3.
As I recall the story of Gods deliverance of the Israelites, I am also reminded of a broken, humbled, and anxious little me who was sitting in a coffee shop in South Dakota on her laptop, hungry to hear Gods voice and find some truth and purpose in the place that my Heavenly Father felt fit to have me in. I found so much in common with the Israelites; walking, walking and still walking to the "land flowing with milk and honey", except that I determined that unlike the Israelites who knew that there was indeed a God descripted promised land at the end of their journey, I had no idea what my "promised land" looked like.
I did know that because I was Gods child, that whatever His promised land for me was would be good. I also knew that all I had to do was the "next right thing", even if there were more days of the week that I had no idea what that actually was, except for getting out of bed and driving to work. The promise that God had given to confused little me was solid: "You do not have to carry this weight alone Sarah." A promise that I had heard many, many times.
Childhood dreams changed and eventually vanished. Plans for use of my talents, education and passions morphed in ways that I never expected. People hurt me in places that I wasn't sure would heal, but Gods promise to deliver me from my own personal Egypt remained in tact.
Now here I am, sitting in the very first home that I will ever share with my soon-to-be husband, being prompted to reminisce on Gods faithfulness and deliverance as I face the burden of not enough money coming in for what is going out. Discouragement of getting behind and not having enough being replaced with the fact that God IS enough. He has brought me this far and brought me to my husband. He has provided housing, food, transportation and two jobs. He is GOOD and I am a humbled human in need of His grace.
Take another step my friend. Even though the journey is sometimes painful and the destination is unclear, cling to the fact that you BELONG to the One who is already there.
Our world doesn't like the word "vulnerable". To be vulnerable with an individual or a large group of people is considered to be a risk not worth taking, though on the flip side modern culture "finding yourself" trends make it appealing and necessary to be vulnerable with yourself , placing a great emphasis on deep, soul searching "self discovery". I have affectionately labeled my generation the "self help" generation, due to the fact that I feel that we late 80's and 90's babies grew up in a world of "do it yourself" counseling in the form of books, T.V., radio shows and Internet blogs. Despite this information, being truly vulnerable in life is one of the hardest things to do. Why is this?
To be vulnerable is to be exposed. A young virgin girl is truly vulnerable on her wedding night, as she has never been naked in this manner in front of anyone before. Vulnerability is nakedness of self; a veil lifted to expose truth of substance and shed light on the good, the bad and the ugly. Some of us have gone our whole lives doing whatever we possibly can to not be vulnerable with anyone, thus creating an exterior of a "put together" image that doesn't ever blink with tears. There have been many wounded souls that have been vulnerable in a marriage or a committed relationship, only to find that the unveiling pushed their loved one away instead of drawing them closer.
I have always been an expressive person. (Shocker, I know. ) Ever since I was a little girl I have been able to articulate my thoughts and feelings with very little fear of what someone would think. However, as I prepare for marriage to the love of my life, I have found myself experiencing a new level of vulnerability with God. A place that I have not found myself in before and feelings that I've never experienced thus far.
With all vulnerability there is an element of trust. Trusting that the person that you are vulnerable with will not judge you, leave you or become cold to you. You trust that on some level they will understand and things won't change. When it comes to our relationship with Jesus Christ, we can always count on Him never leaving nor forsaking us in our vulnerability with Him, even when it means being angry at Him and questioning His existence! There will be those times where we will push away from God, refusing to bear our soul to the very one who made and knows the depth of our soul. But the truth is, there is nothing that God wants more than for us to be truly vulnerable with Him; to share every facet of our lives and to trust Him with our whole hearts.
The more I fall in love with Jeremy and the more I spend time in prayer about our upcoming marriage and all of the life changes that are in the near future, I have found myself struggling with this fear of losing Jeremy to an illness or accident. I have been thinking about those women who were engaged or newly married, and then the lives of their husbands were snuffed out in the blink of an eye. I can't fathom that kind of pain, but lately I've been trying to figure out where this fear is actually coming from.
I am learning on a very real level that the closer I become to Jeremy and the more vulnerable I am with him, the more it prompts me to draw closer to my heavenly Father. My love for Jeremy is something that I've never, ever experienced before. It is deep and powerful, and has quickly become a part of my existence in the way my sight has become imperative to my ability to function. Such a gift from the Lord needs to be cherished, nurtured and honored, but also not held too tightly, as Jeremy is not mine, but belongs to the Lord. It reminds me of how my mother's heart would ache when she would see one of us children going through something that she couldn't change. She realized that we don't belong to her, we belong to Christ. We are in His hands, and she is simply the instrument used by God on this earth.
What a gift. What a beautiful design. To be surrendered to Christ as a person is one thing, but to surrender your loved ones to Him is entirely another. As I prepare to have a husband and children, I am keenly aware that this lesson of deep love and vulnerability to Christ will take many shapes and forms. As scary as it is to entrust my loves to Christ, He calls us to so that we will further trust Him and allow Him to enable us to go deeper.
May God enable you to be vulnerable to Him in a way that will take you places you've never been before. May you never settle for a man or woman who doesn't prompt you to love Christ deeper and trust Him with your whole heart. May the deep love you feel and the healthy fear of loss point you to the One who holds you in the palm of His hand, which is located under the shadow of His wing.
I miss the walkers, the pants with a high waist, the white Keds shoes and hearing their "old people advice" on a variety of life topics. The perfume that is too strong because their sense of smell is "not what it used to be" and the penciled on eyebrows because there just isn't much hair left to form real ones.
I miss the classic tunes of their day that would be sung over and over and over again in an effort to bring the past in to make the present comfortable and familiar for them. Seeing the tears trickle down the faces of the Veteran men when "God Bless America" would be sung and/or played. And dare I say it....but I miss calling Bingo. What I would give to say "B 10, under the letter B, number 10" again.
I miss the days where we would decorate sugar cookies for a holiday while we listened to music or talked about something like canning or how they used to bake cookies for church all the time.
Oh how I miss it.
But God knows that. He knows how much I miss investing in the lives of the elderly on a daily basis, planning their activities, encouraging their skills and encouraging their family members. He knows my heart for these people, because He knows me. He created every facet of who I am, so of course He knows how much I yearn to love on these people.
The other day while I was eating my morning cereal, I saw a morning T.V. show host interview a woman who wrote a book about "reimagining" her life. The premise was that you could do and be whatever you want to be. To add to the authenticity of this concept they showed clips of people who did just that. One man worked with computers his whole life, and then decided to open up a pizza parlor. He "reimagined" himself, and "you can too".
Now, I'm all for the empowerment of doing something new and being positive that you can do and be whatever you set your mind to, but I couldn't get past one glaring flaw in this concept, and that is the word "You".
I am so grateful that as a Christian I get to experience a deep peace that comes with the truth that it is not about me. I get the privilege of finding my identity in my Savior which translates into a deep trust that He will use my strengths, talents and passion for His purposes and in His way. How exhausting it must be to constantly be working on "you", when in all actuality there is One who knows you better than you know yourself and will be able to accomplish much, much more because of this truth.
Right now I'm working with greeting cards. I am doing inventory, ringing up items at the cash register and color coordinating envelopes. I absolutely beam whenever I get to help an elderly man or woman find a card for their grandchild, and I love it even more when they want to visit and tell me about their lives. God is using me here, and He has not forgotten my dreams.
I dream of being able to write and motivationally speak for a living, working in my little home office while my babies take a nap. I dream of being able to have hours to volunteer in a memory care at a nursing home, leading them in hymns and old songs that will make them feel at ease and at home. I dream of traveling to places around the world, taking in new cultures and breathing in different air.
Psalm 37:4 says "Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." What I have come to understand is that the key to this verse is asking God to transform your desires into His desires for you.
Trust Him with your dreams sweet friend. May you be reminded and know that the very One who made you is the very one who holds those dreams in a careful manner. May you have the strength and the flexibility to watch Him change things up a bit and give you something beautiful and brand new from His capable and creative hands.
