You Don't Belong Here

 Smile. Be nice. Make small talk. Bag their items. See them run out the door.

I repeated this scenario what seemed like over a thousand times in 5 hours last Saturday, the day before Easter Sunday. Towards the end of my shift, an enthusiastic mentally disabled man sporting a Dallas Cowboy's jacket came through my lane. He was so proud of that jacket, and listed off all their stats to me as his care taker payed for his items. The guest that came after him looked at me in awe and said  "You were so good with him." to which I responded that mentally disabled people are people too, and that I've worked a lot with seniors and seniors with dementia. She smiled at me, looked at me straight in the eye and said "What are you doing here? You don't belong here. You don't belong in a place like this." She had such a look of peace on her face, and her eyes were soft and kind. Little did she know how prophetic a statement that was in my life, unless of course she was an angel; a possible factor that I haven't ruled out quite yet.

"What are you doing here? You don't belong here." This statement been resonating in my head and heart for as long as I can remember. To be truthful, I have never quite felt like I "fit in" or "belong", and the times in which I did were few and far between. The only time that I felt like I fit in and belonged was when I was in a choir. My voice was used as one of many, but often used to help lead the other voices or singled out in a solo portion of a song. The other time I felt like I belonged and fit in was when I was taking care of seniors; having one leaning on my arm for support was one of the greatest fulfillment's of my life.

My mom is a wise woman, and most definitely my best friend. When I would have those moments of young adult loneliness, she would look me in the eye and put her hand on my shoulder. "Sarah, you are a leader. Leaders are always lonely." Some things won't ever change. Humans are dynamic; they won't ever, ever stay the same. However, there are some elements that never change, such as Gods design of an individual. No matter if I like it or not, I will always be a leader, even when I am not physically in a leadership position. There is no cap for Gods design of His children.

Since recovering from my illness and the blow of losing another job, God has been working over time in His personal revelations in my life. One of those revelations is that I don't belong here. This earth is just a temporary place in passing until we reach our heavenly dwelling, right into the arms of our Savior. However, He has also told me that because of this truth, I will not ever fit into this world; that because of His love, grace and faithfulness in my life, I will always be that square among circles, the Minnesotan accent among the southern drawl, the deep among the shallow. Not because of me, but because of who is within me.

Who am I to say where I belong? If it is God that has given me my talents, strengths and abilities, who am I to say where they should be used? If I am Gods baby girl, isn't my only job to do the next right thing and seek His will for my life? 

Friends, I urge you to lay aside your pride and need to have all the answers. I urge you to empty yourself before God, to seek His will for your life; to really and truly tell Him that you want Him to take you where you need to go, use you in the way He desires to use you and break you in the areas that need to be shattered. In your need to belong and fit in, you are forfeiting the true sense of completion of your spirit in realizing that you belong to Him.