Attention Single Men: It's Not a Pure Bred Puppy Dog or Job Opportunity
As some of you know, I have been a member of the online Christian dating networking "Christian Mingle" for a combined total of about 2 years. This experience has been highly beneficial, as I have met a variety of really good men and women alike, formed good friendships and have been pursued by honorable and not so honorable, Christian men. I am so grateful for a site like this, due to the fact that my life has been a constant "dance of the gypsy", moving from place to place and not settling long enough to meet that man that I will marry and spend the rest of my life with. The online chat rooms on that site have been a tremendous blessing, as it is usually filled with connecting with people in a similar season of life; encouraging, sharpening and educating one another with the uniqueness of each individual. Now that I have made my positive plug and given the web site a ton of free publicity, let me get to the bottom line of this post. As my mother would say "Sarah, get to the point. Quit painting the picture!"
It saddens me how marriage is taken so lightly in our world, but especially within the Christian community of young 20 and 30 something adults. There are a variety of hurdles that one has to jump in the pursuit of a spouse, with some of them being higher jumps then others. Sometimes it is a simply a lack of an example in their lives to show them why marriage is so important and for others it is simply a lack of education, resources and personal maturity gained in order to obtain the sacred covenant. In this post I would like to address a trend that I am seeing with men in the online Christian dating game. Now, don't get all "huffy" on me gentleman. We women have plenty of issues of our own, of which I will fully take ownership for and of which I have also written posts of in the past. However, it has been laid on my heart to communicate a truth to men of Christ. I feel that this truth and/or reminder will benefit men and women alike, whether they are married or single, young or old.
Do you remember that old phrase "God helps those who help themselves"? The phrase indicates that even though it is a known fact and truth that God is capable of doing absolutely anything in our lives, that we cannot expect to just sit back and do nothing, waiting for Him to bless us in the ways that He sees fit. To add to this concept, I remember as a young girl trying to understand the verse Psalm 37:34 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I used to be so confused by this verse, especially when I realized that there were things that I prayed for and God did not bless me with them. "but I was delighting in you Lord! I believe in you! Where is my blessing?!". A dear friend of mine told me that the key to that verse is praying that God would make His desires, our desires.
I have seen an alarming trend over and over again in the dating scene. Men expect to find a woman with all the things that they have prayed to God for, but they are unwilling to accept that they may need to change jobs, relocate and/or make a financial investment/personal sacrifice in order to pursue and seek after that woman. Instead it appears that many of them settle for a woman who possesses less of the character and qualities that God desires for them, simply because she is "local" and they would rather do that then be willing to make the necessary sacrifices that it takes to pursue a Godly woman and a life long covenant of marriage.
Let's take a look at this. Marriage is a life long commitment. This is not a decision to be taken lightly, nor should it be something that is handled so "flippantly". It is not a pure bred puppy dog or a job opportunity, this is a wife for crying out loud! This is the woman that you will see nearly every day of your life. You will wake up to her, drink coffee with her, cook with her and dream together. And, just to add a little more "seriousness" to this truth, this will be the mother of your children. It appears to me that men lose perspective while they are in search of a wife. I don't know if it's because they get lost in the casual dating scene, or just get overwhelmed by other facets of life. Maybe it's simply because it is a well known fact that men are "waffles" in how they function in life: One square at a time. And maybe there are other more pertinent squares that are taking up space in their head and heart, that make it difficult to move forward to the most important square on their Eggo.
Whatever the case may be, the truth of the matter is that God calls men to seek a wife. Genesis 2:24 clearly states this: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." No where in this scripture does it say that a woman is to leave her father and mother in search of a husband, thus leading me back to the concept that I have written several times before, about how women are called to make themselves available to marriage and to respond to the pursuit of men. The argument that I have heard from many men is "why should the man be the only one to risk things to be with a potential spouse?!". This argument has often been presented to me after I have made it very clear to them that I will not move for a relationship unless they "put a ring on it". This is my reasoning for that decision:
I believe very strongly, that the husband of a woman is to follow Christ's command that is written in Eph. 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." I have no doubt in my mind that God has called men and potential husbands to be a physical representation of Himself on earth, and in the covenant relationship of marriage with his wife. A husbands role is to provide, lead, guide and nurture his wife and children. Does this not mimic that of what Christ does for us in our personal relationships with Him? As such, when the woman is pursued, sacrifices are made for her prior to marriage, this demonstrates to a woman how this man is capable of fulfilling Christ's call to love their wives and give themselves up for Him once the marriage covenant is in place.
And what does a woman give in return? Her life. All of her days, her body, her soul, her gifts, talents, life history and your children. The wife is then called to support, encourage, inspire, nurture, assist and be the ultimate "help mate" that Christ enables and calls her to be. I believe, deep within my heart, that every woman in this world should have the opportunity to be loved and pursued in such a way that mimics how her heavenly Father loves and feels about her. Lovely, honorable, pure and worthy of sacrifices, risks and heart aches. Not only that, but that no woman should EVER settle for anything less then this. Men, we need your strength. We need you to see this truth and take hold of it, and women, we must be in prayer for these men, as they are up against so many things in this world, and especially in the spiritual realm of darkness verses light. We must never forget that satan wants nothing more then to steal, kill and destroy marriages, sexuality and family. Women, we have a critical role in this battle. Stop whining, throw aside your selfishness, put on more clothes and get on your knees. This is critical.
My prayer is that God's truth will be communicate through this post, and that "butts will get kicked" and hearts will have restored hope. Marriage is honorable and worthy. May God enable you to jump out of your comfort zone, to push past fears and above all, remind you that none of this is possible without the strength and the power of Christ within you.
Do you remember that old phrase "God helps those who help themselves"? The phrase indicates that even though it is a known fact and truth that God is capable of doing absolutely anything in our lives, that we cannot expect to just sit back and do nothing, waiting for Him to bless us in the ways that He sees fit. To add to this concept, I remember as a young girl trying to understand the verse Psalm 37:34 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I used to be so confused by this verse, especially when I realized that there were things that I prayed for and God did not bless me with them. "but I was delighting in you Lord! I believe in you! Where is my blessing?!". A dear friend of mine told me that the key to that verse is praying that God would make His desires, our desires.
I have seen an alarming trend over and over again in the dating scene. Men expect to find a woman with all the things that they have prayed to God for, but they are unwilling to accept that they may need to change jobs, relocate and/or make a financial investment/personal sacrifice in order to pursue and seek after that woman. Instead it appears that many of them settle for a woman who possesses less of the character and qualities that God desires for them, simply because she is "local" and they would rather do that then be willing to make the necessary sacrifices that it takes to pursue a Godly woman and a life long covenant of marriage.
Let's take a look at this. Marriage is a life long commitment. This is not a decision to be taken lightly, nor should it be something that is handled so "flippantly". It is not a pure bred puppy dog or a job opportunity, this is a wife for crying out loud! This is the woman that you will see nearly every day of your life. You will wake up to her, drink coffee with her, cook with her and dream together. And, just to add a little more "seriousness" to this truth, this will be the mother of your children. It appears to me that men lose perspective while they are in search of a wife. I don't know if it's because they get lost in the casual dating scene, or just get overwhelmed by other facets of life. Maybe it's simply because it is a well known fact that men are "waffles" in how they function in life: One square at a time. And maybe there are other more pertinent squares that are taking up space in their head and heart, that make it difficult to move forward to the most important square on their Eggo.
Whatever the case may be, the truth of the matter is that God calls men to seek a wife. Genesis 2:24 clearly states this: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." No where in this scripture does it say that a woman is to leave her father and mother in search of a husband, thus leading me back to the concept that I have written several times before, about how women are called to make themselves available to marriage and to respond to the pursuit of men. The argument that I have heard from many men is "why should the man be the only one to risk things to be with a potential spouse?!". This argument has often been presented to me after I have made it very clear to them that I will not move for a relationship unless they "put a ring on it". This is my reasoning for that decision:
I believe very strongly, that the husband of a woman is to follow Christ's command that is written in Eph. 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." I have no doubt in my mind that God has called men and potential husbands to be a physical representation of Himself on earth, and in the covenant relationship of marriage with his wife. A husbands role is to provide, lead, guide and nurture his wife and children. Does this not mimic that of what Christ does for us in our personal relationships with Him? As such, when the woman is pursued, sacrifices are made for her prior to marriage, this demonstrates to a woman how this man is capable of fulfilling Christ's call to love their wives and give themselves up for Him once the marriage covenant is in place.
And what does a woman give in return? Her life. All of her days, her body, her soul, her gifts, talents, life history and your children. The wife is then called to support, encourage, inspire, nurture, assist and be the ultimate "help mate" that Christ enables and calls her to be. I believe, deep within my heart, that every woman in this world should have the opportunity to be loved and pursued in such a way that mimics how her heavenly Father loves and feels about her. Lovely, honorable, pure and worthy of sacrifices, risks and heart aches. Not only that, but that no woman should EVER settle for anything less then this. Men, we need your strength. We need you to see this truth and take hold of it, and women, we must be in prayer for these men, as they are up against so many things in this world, and especially in the spiritual realm of darkness verses light. We must never forget that satan wants nothing more then to steal, kill and destroy marriages, sexuality and family. Women, we have a critical role in this battle. Stop whining, throw aside your selfishness, put on more clothes and get on your knees. This is critical.
My prayer is that God's truth will be communicate through this post, and that "butts will get kicked" and hearts will have restored hope. Marriage is honorable and worthy. May God enable you to jump out of your comfort zone, to push past fears and above all, remind you that none of this is possible without the strength and the power of Christ within you.
Comments
Post a Comment