Not Meant for This

Have you ever asked the question "What am I meant for?" I can imagine that when Amelia Earhart   hopped in her plane and soared across a sunset over the pacific, she either whispered to herself or shouted out loud above the roar of the engine "I'm meant for this!". And I am sure that Mrs. Fields said the same thing when she realized that she made the best chocolate chip cookie in the history of the world, and was able to become a millionaire and a household name as a result. 

  
There was a time when I had that feeling, and those times usually consisted of a senior citizen understanding their worth and value as a child of God, despite what the world would communicate to their spirits. And there were other times when I was under the glow of stage lights, singing my heart and soul out to an audience that affirmed in me that "I was meant to do this". It's an empowering feeling to know that, deep within your heart, you are doing what you were meant to do. People spend their whole lives trying to figure out what they want to be "when they grow up", buying countless self help books and spending thousands of dollars on letters to put behind their name, all in the relentless pursuit of finding that "fit".

  
For the past month and a half, I have spent my weekly 40 work hours knee deep in mapping patient appointments, preparing documents and going to great measures to speak to a real person at an insurance company, because their stupid automated systems won't tell me the coverage information that I need to complete my task. After 3 1/2 hours of repeating the words "provider" "benefits", spouting off alpha prefixes and trying to gracefully deal with snotty, fast paced insurance reps who would rather confuse you then actually help you, I threw up my hands, and asked God to provide me with the strength that I needed to complete my shift.

   
As always, God provided and I made it through my shift without screaming or bawling my eyes out. As I drove down the road and later purchased uniforms to the tune of $81.16, I lost it. The tears came, and out came the words "God, I wasn't meant for this!". My tears represented words that I wasn't able to verbalize, those words being that I was meant for ministering to people's spirits, investing in relationships, encouraging and inspiring them and placing my hand on their shoulder or giving them my hand to help them rise up from their fall. Earlier this week I had asked God to help me focus only on the patients, and to do everything that I could to make a positive interaction on every single patient that I came in contact with, despite the fact that it would only last for about 5 minutes. 

  
 It didn't take long for me to hear that gentle voice of my Savior. "But Sarah, this is where I've placed you. Please trust me." Humility set in when I realized that not only is my Lord in control, but that He is weaving a series of events together out of love for me. Out of love. I have begun to question what I was "meant to do", but in the process have realized that what I'm "meant to do" is to trust Him with all my heart, body and soul, no matter the difficulty. Why am I meant to do this? Because I belong to Him. He was meant for me, and I most definitely was meant for Him.