Through the Horror, He is Holy

With a cup of coffee in hand and a peaceful heart, I don't even know where to begin this post; however, I know I must begin somewhere. God has clearly laid it on my heart to communicate something in "my little corner of the world" (AKA, this blog).
Tears come to my eyes as it all slowly sinks it. I am grateful for the concept of "sinking in". Imagine if everything that God needed to teach us just hit our system like an electric shock; instant, effective and most likely, unwelcome to our humanity. But our Heavenly Father loves us and knows us better than we know ourselves; as such, His lessons and His leading comes in gradually, like the perfect timing of an accomplished orchestra. The music wouldn't have the same sound if the flute, violin, oboe and piano came in at the same time. It is the precise timing that makes it beautiful.I have been deeply hurt. We have all been hurt at one point or another, whether it be physically, emotionally or spiritually. But this morning, at this exact time, I have come to the realization how deep some of the hurt really is. Within the last three months, I have been experiencing a grieving season that I've never experienced before. Death "close to home" hasn't really been a part of my life thus far. Working in geriatrics, death and "end of life" moments are plentiful, but in my own personal life, I haven't had to experience a whole lot of grieving of individuals. Not until now.

In my grieving process, I have wanted to just be plain angry. As I would talk to Papa in my prayers, it would sound something like this: "But God, they hurt me! Can't I feel something different for them? Something other than this deep love, compassion and understanding? Why can't this be about me, about how I feel, about this deep pain that I'm going through?". I've had many, many conversations like this with Papa, and each time He takes His hand, places it on my heart and leaves it there. The power of His hand on my heart has been the visual that has helped me understand that it is because of Him in me that I am able to remain In His love, and love those who have hurt me.

I am in complete and utter amazement at how God has communicated to me and met me in my grief and pain. He has truly given me His eyes to see and receive Him and all His goodness. If you are a regular follower of my blog, you will know that I've written several posts on His communication to me through the book "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom. In addition to this book, the Lord has led me to read and finish "The Shack" by WM. Paul Young. In both of these books, forgiveness and freedom of the soul are ongoing themes. Both of these books were not read with the intent to find out this information, but simply just entered into the picture.

Friends, our lives are not our own. I know that I've written about this concept before, but it is becoming more and more clear to me with each passing day. In this world, absolutely nothing will make sense, hold any worth or value or represent any form of sanity if we view our lives as being ours. As God's children, our lives are His. God does not represent sanity to this world in any way, shape or form. How can they when God's ways involve the mass genocide of millions of individuals for their faith, or that they were an unwanted life? How can God represent sanity when His own children who desire to lead others to Christ, are raping individuals of their innocence and fulfilling their own lustful desires? What sanity is there in a God who allows children to become orphans, lovers to become widows and parents to lose their children?
Amazingly enough, by God's grace and His Holy spirit working through my heart, I am for the first time seeing the complete and utter sanity behind such horrific realities. I am beginning to see that as God's child, it is purely a matter of trusting Him that through the horror, He is Holy. That through the confusion, He is clear. That in the times we are questioning Him, He has all the answers, and that that is truly enough.
So I stand in the present alongside those who have gone before me with a new understanding of the One who delivers us, leads us and loves us. I pray that you will find that peace, and that through His spirit working in you, forgiveness will abound and your spiritual eyes will open to all that our Heavenly Father has to show you, His beloved and precious child.