Is Your "Normal", Normal?
What is normal? It's been said that "normal" is only a setting on a washer, and that quote isn't too far from the truth. The concept of "normal" is subjective to each individual, but somehow we manage to contrive a rather vague image of what "normal" should be. For those of us who have grown up in a home that is affected by the disease of addiction (Alcoholism being only one of the many family addictions) our "normal" usually is dysfunctional, whether we know that to be true or not. Severe addictions in a family line ( such as alcoholism) is a family disease. Family members involved in such scenarios often learn ways of responding to their environment that seem incredibly "normal", but in all actuality, are not.
How do I know this? Because I am a part of that category. Throughout my life, I have learned different elements to this truth, but recently have been faced with a very different dimension. This is the "relationship dimension". I have found myself in several dysfunctional scenarios, and with this last one, I finally asked myself "why?". Why would I even entertain wanting to be with someone who doesn't have the capability to give me what I need, is selfish, and has been hurtful to me (but doesn't desire to be), when there are other men that have entered my life that have shown me the complete opposite? What is this seemingly natural drive to want to be in dysfunctionality, and fore go that which I need to grow, heal and thrive as a woman of Christ?
So many women find themselves wanting to "fix" the men in their lives. That somehow, you have a role in helping them "see the light", become a "better man", etc. while it is true that God is capable of doing such a thing through us in our relationships with men, it is not our job. Just because it is something we are comfortable with, does not mean that it is good for us.
And I've also learned that even women who are strong Christians and have a committed relationship with Christ; women who have read all the books, gone to all the seminars and have led Bible studies, and maybe even mentored other women, still don't get it. The "normal" that they know has just been spiritualized, not understood.
How many of us have women in our lives that keep going back to that same "loser", after he's beaten her, verbally abused you, cheated on her, and/or robbed her of her time, resources, and most of all, love? We sit back and don't understand it. But friends, I'm here to tell you, it's time to understand this. It's time to start to learn why women (and men) do these things. Instead of being shocked, dumb founded, and even annoyed, we need to start learning why.
So whether you are a hopeful victim of a family addiction disease, or have loved ones who are, we must plead to our heavenly Father to show us the truth. The truth in the midst of the lies of what is "normal". The lies that chaos means sanity, that love means selfishness, and that it is more important to "take care of" and "minister to" the needs of those who have victimized us. We must lay those people at the feet of Jesus, believing that He has their pain in the palm of His hands, but also believing that we too, belong at His feet, as our pain is just as important as theirs.
I have a lot of learning to do. It's going to take some time to continue to re-teach myself a new kind of "normal". It's actually quite a daunting reality when it's all you've ever known. But that is where the ever present hope in Jesus comes in. Without Him, I will fail in this process, but with Him, I will become all that He wants me to be, and will engage in life giving relationships that align with this promise.
How do I know this? Because I am a part of that category. Throughout my life, I have learned different elements to this truth, but recently have been faced with a very different dimension. This is the "relationship dimension". I have found myself in several dysfunctional scenarios, and with this last one, I finally asked myself "why?". Why would I even entertain wanting to be with someone who doesn't have the capability to give me what I need, is selfish, and has been hurtful to me (but doesn't desire to be), when there are other men that have entered my life that have shown me the complete opposite? What is this seemingly natural drive to want to be in dysfunctionality, and fore go that which I need to grow, heal and thrive as a woman of Christ?
So many women find themselves wanting to "fix" the men in their lives. That somehow, you have a role in helping them "see the light", become a "better man", etc. while it is true that God is capable of doing such a thing through us in our relationships with men, it is not our job. Just because it is something we are comfortable with, does not mean that it is good for us.
And I've also learned that even women who are strong Christians and have a committed relationship with Christ; women who have read all the books, gone to all the seminars and have led Bible studies, and maybe even mentored other women, still don't get it. The "normal" that they know has just been spiritualized, not understood.
How many of us have women in our lives that keep going back to that same "loser", after he's beaten her, verbally abused you, cheated on her, and/or robbed her of her time, resources, and most of all, love? We sit back and don't understand it. But friends, I'm here to tell you, it's time to understand this. It's time to start to learn why women (and men) do these things. Instead of being shocked, dumb founded, and even annoyed, we need to start learning why.
So whether you are a hopeful victim of a family addiction disease, or have loved ones who are, we must plead to our heavenly Father to show us the truth. The truth in the midst of the lies of what is "normal". The lies that chaos means sanity, that love means selfishness, and that it is more important to "take care of" and "minister to" the needs of those who have victimized us. We must lay those people at the feet of Jesus, believing that He has their pain in the palm of His hands, but also believing that we too, belong at His feet, as our pain is just as important as theirs.
I have a lot of learning to do. It's going to take some time to continue to re-teach myself a new kind of "normal". It's actually quite a daunting reality when it's all you've ever known. But that is where the ever present hope in Jesus comes in. Without Him, I will fail in this process, but with Him, I will become all that He wants me to be, and will engage in life giving relationships that align with this promise.
Comments
Post a Comment