"Scrooged" without Jesus
It is the day after Christmas, and at least three months since I have last written on this blog. Enough has happened in the last three months to serve as material for many different posts, but it seems as if my life has been in full speed in so many different areas; so much so, that "writer's block" has set in, however I feel that block disappearing as all the processing of this highly analytical brain takes the form of actual concepts and words. Just a quick forewarning: You may need to read this post in a couple sittings, or you may just want to stop here. It's going to be a doozy.
I have always been a "pro-holiday" type of gal. I think I get that from my mom. My mom has a way of making nearly every major holiday a special and memorable experience, and I have found myself following in her footsteps. However, I am ashamed to admit that it took me nearly the entire month of December to get into the Christmas spirit. Maybe it was stress, maybe it was the fact that I've been preparing for the blessed Christmas season for over two months for my job and when December rolled around, I was already "Christmas-ed out". Or maybe it was all the transition of moving, the changes in my job, unforeseen events that through me "off kilter" for a time and shook me up a bit. The truth is, it was a combination of all of those things.
Something that God revealed to me during my break from "real life", was how incredibly selfish I have been. I have been so wrapped up in my own world that I have not adequately sought out the needs of others, invested in my relationship with my Savior, or taken the time to diligently pray. I have been very tired, which has in part been a result of trying to rely on my own strength, rather than realizing that unless I solicit God's strength, I have none at all.
I definitely had a "Scrooge" attitude this last month. I didn't really buy any gifts, had no appreciation for Christmas decorations, got sick of all my favorite Christmas music really quickly and envied the excitement that so many people had for that big day. I kept trying to force a smile and excitement for my residents, but deep down inside, I just wanted this month to be over with.
The day that I left to go home for Christmas, I got a phone call stating the news that a hopeful living situation was not going to happen. I was upset for a couple hours, allowing myself to have a pity party on my drive home. In my search for a stable, affordable place to live, I have often felt that there hasn't been any room for me. Whether it be there are no available apartments, or the people that I lived with, it just feels like there hasn't been any room. Ironically, I realize that I've been doing the exact same to God. I haven't had a whole lot of room for Him. I have not kept my eyes fixed on Him, and have in turn made very little room for anything but myself.
On Christmas Eve during the traditional candle light service at my mom's church, I was reminded in such a humble, gentle way that Jesus came to us. It wasn't a matter of seeking Him out and looking for Him, but that He came to us in the form of a tiny, helpless babe to save us from our sinful selves. Unlike our world or the inn keeper that Mary and Joseph encountered, He always has room for us, even when we shut Him out. It is only when we let Him in that we can experience the peace that we long for; the peace that He desires us to have. I think that in the midst of the chaos and secularism of Christmas, we forget why He came. He didn't come to give us a reason to have a day off, time with our family, gorge ourselves on baked goods and sing peppy, "feel good" Christmas songs; He came to redeem us, to save us, to give us life. It's about hope, healing and restoration in a broken and depraved world.
I have always been a "pro-holiday" type of gal. I think I get that from my mom. My mom has a way of making nearly every major holiday a special and memorable experience, and I have found myself following in her footsteps. However, I am ashamed to admit that it took me nearly the entire month of December to get into the Christmas spirit. Maybe it was stress, maybe it was the fact that I've been preparing for the blessed Christmas season for over two months for my job and when December rolled around, I was already "Christmas-ed out". Or maybe it was all the transition of moving, the changes in my job, unforeseen events that through me "off kilter" for a time and shook me up a bit. The truth is, it was a combination of all of those things.
Something that God revealed to me during my break from "real life", was how incredibly selfish I have been. I have been so wrapped up in my own world that I have not adequately sought out the needs of others, invested in my relationship with my Savior, or taken the time to diligently pray. I have been very tired, which has in part been a result of trying to rely on my own strength, rather than realizing that unless I solicit God's strength, I have none at all.
I definitely had a "Scrooge" attitude this last month. I didn't really buy any gifts, had no appreciation for Christmas decorations, got sick of all my favorite Christmas music really quickly and envied the excitement that so many people had for that big day. I kept trying to force a smile and excitement for my residents, but deep down inside, I just wanted this month to be over with.
The day that I left to go home for Christmas, I got a phone call stating the news that a hopeful living situation was not going to happen. I was upset for a couple hours, allowing myself to have a pity party on my drive home. In my search for a stable, affordable place to live, I have often felt that there hasn't been any room for me. Whether it be there are no available apartments, or the people that I lived with, it just feels like there hasn't been any room. Ironically, I realize that I've been doing the exact same to God. I haven't had a whole lot of room for Him. I have not kept my eyes fixed on Him, and have in turn made very little room for anything but myself.
On Christmas Eve during the traditional candle light service at my mom's church, I was reminded in such a humble, gentle way that Jesus came to us. It wasn't a matter of seeking Him out and looking for Him, but that He came to us in the form of a tiny, helpless babe to save us from our sinful selves. Unlike our world or the inn keeper that Mary and Joseph encountered, He always has room for us, even when we shut Him out. It is only when we let Him in that we can experience the peace that we long for; the peace that He desires us to have. I think that in the midst of the chaos and secularism of Christmas, we forget why He came. He didn't come to give us a reason to have a day off, time with our family, gorge ourselves on baked goods and sing peppy, "feel good" Christmas songs; He came to redeem us, to save us, to give us life. It's about hope, healing and restoration in a broken and depraved world.
May you hold these truths in your heart, and may the peace of knowing Jesus leave room in your hearts for Him to do far more then you ever dreamed possible.
Merry Christmas!
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