The Art of Pursuit






Ooh, I can feel the controversy of this topic running through my fingers as I type this post, and I'm only in the first sentence! Be forewarned: This post may become a tinsy bit more passionate then the other ones usually are. It may or may not have to do with the fact that for supper I had a non-fat mocha with an extra shot of expresso.There. You can't say I didn't warn you.




In my meager 24 years of life, I have gradually figured out what I do and do not want in a man. However, I'm going to go a step beyond that ( I know, a big shocker) and I'm going to boldly generalize one of the things that many women deeply desire in life. To be pursued and desired by an honorable man.
Anybody who really knows me knows that I have very "old fashioned", conservative views on dating, the roles of men and women in a relationship and marriage. I have some friends that think I'm crazy, and some that don't understand it, but I also have a handful of friends who share the same or similar views. We support one another on the road to understanding ourselves, so that we in turn can have a hope to try to understand that man or woman that we will end up spending the rest of our lives with.

I don't expect everyone to agree with everything I've posted, but remember; this blog is my little corner of the world, so I can write whatever I want. And, as always, I hope that what I write inspires and encourages, as well as encourages you to look at things in a different perspective. No "box inhabiting" in my world.
We live in a culture that has blurred, if not completely erased the dividing line between what it means to be a "man" and what it means to be a "woman". Thanks to that rediculous "Sexual Revolution", women tend to think that the concept and art of the pursuit of a woman is either:

A) Slow -" I can do this so much faster and quicker! I want what I want, and I want it now!"


B) Offensive-" Why does HE have to pay for my meal? I'm a self suffiecient, hard working single woman. Is he insinuating that I'm not capable? "

C) Non-equalizing: "Men and Women are on the same plane. Neither should be considered higher than the other. Women can do what a man can do. Women can do a man's job."

While the reality of these truths is that they've been largely accepted in our society, the truth of the matter is that they have ruined the beauty and the art of a man pursuing a woman, and a woman responding to the pursuit and her pursuer.
As women, we tend to think that our timing ( Which usually is when we want something) is the right timing. We give men the excuses that they are "dumb", "blind", "don't get it", "shy", "not experienced", etc. while there are certainly times that these things are legitimate, as women we tend to view them as things that just "slow up" what is "supposed to happen". That is when we call first, we initiate all the communication, we share our feelings, and we go out of our way to show them "how much we care".

Truth: If a man wants to be with a woman; if he has the slightest bit of interest in getting to know her beyond a platonic level, he will do something about it. and, if he desires to and doesn't, he's not the man that God desires him to be. That's a harsh statement, I know, and I feel a little bit like a rotten person for believing it, but I think it's true. God designed men to "conquer and divide" to be excited about "the hunt", and to desire a challenge to win something that is truly a prize. Likewise, God designed women with beautiful gifts of being able to respond, affirm and encourage the pursuit and the pursuer. My heart goes out to those men who want to and can't, with the reasons being many, none of which I am down playing in the least. Fears of rejection, not "being enough". failure, anxiety and arrogance are some of the reasons that come to mind, all of which are strongholds in a person's life that prevents them from moving forward. Only Jesus Christ can work miracles on the heart of a person in a strong hold, and I choose to believe that it happens.

I also have compassion for the women who think that if they "hunt down" the man they are interested in, that they will receive the attention, affirmation and affection that their hearts desire. My heart breaks when I see so many women searching for their significance and answers in a man who really wasn't "on board" in the first place. Fear, anxiety and arrogance also plays a role with women. Instead of having the grace and the courage to wait to be pursued and desired, we give into the fears such as being alone and fears of "not being enough or too much", just to name a few. And often times, these things can be a direct result as to how we view ourselves; the worth and emphasis that we place on who we are as individuals. Both men and women must initially find their significance and attractive qualities in the romancer of their hearts, Jesus Christ.
Passivity is an evil thing. I think that satan lurks in passitivity, totally ready to give men a reason to be so, and women reasons enough to accept it in a man. As women, when we "take over" and don't wait to be pursued, we encourage passivity in a man. We take away that mission, because we've claimed that mission as our own. Passitivity is the absence of passion. And with women, when we don't respond to the pursuit of a man, we are also demonstrating passivity. When we don't share how we really feel, or fail to respond directly with a "yes" or "no", we hinder the pursuer. We as women need to respect and encourage the men who put aside all of their fear of rejection, anxiety and pride, to show and tell you that they think you are worth getting to know. Even if one of the people isn't attracted to the other, this act absolutely demands respect. period. Pursuit is an honorable act in a very dishonorable society.

Jesus is the perfect gentleman. His chivelary is un-ending, His pursuit is relentless. His love is intoxicating, and He doesn't worry about "coming on too strong". As we grow in our relationship with Him, we can learn to respond with the faith and the courage that our youth demands of us. As we get to know the lover of our souls, we can learn on a more intimate level what God desires of His children in matters of the heart. Let Him pursue you, and may you have the courage to respond to His pursuit, unafraid of the future and more deeply in love then ever before. Furthermore, may you have the courage and desire to pursue His love for you, never fearing what may come of such a bold act of the heart.










Comments

  1. You articulated it beautifully. I wish more woman in the world had the perspective on dating, actually courting, as you do.
    I think that women fall into the "feminist" trap and become to persuer...when women do this, they take the place of the man. The man is now confused and eventually takes the place of the woman. You now have a woman taking the man's role, and the man taking the woman's role.
    Mass confusion!!!
    I am sure that my comment may irritate others, but it is the truth...

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