Again




Ever since I was a little girl, I've had this crazy notion that I'm supposed to get something right the first time. In addition to that, I've thought that if I learned something the first time, I should be able to get it right every time. Well, you can imagine how many times I've hit the floor, only to have gotten back up again, my stubborness and strong will proving to be a positive asset.

I distinctly remember being 12 years old, sitting at the kitchen table at 9:30 at night, sobbing over my math text book, pencil in hand, so extremely angry and upset that I just simply couldn't figure out those problems! My mom would either cry with me, or throw her hands up in frustration, not sure what to do with her dramatic, over analytical daughter who was so intelligent and mature for her age, and yet could not figure out how many minutes verses miles it took for charles to get to Texas going 65 miles an hour, or how in the world x didn't indeed equal 1o, even though I did the problem step by step, at least eight times.

As an adult, that same struggle has translated to so many different areas in my life. My mother reminded me the other day how many times she has failed and failed again in different areas of her life, and that sometimes she didn't learn the first time. That sometimes,it took four or five times before she actually got it and made the change, or figured out how to solve her problem.
Where in our human capabilities do we think that we are supposed to get it right the first time? Why do I expect this of myself, and why do I fall apart when I fall flat on my face the first time, thinking that it's "over" or "I'll never get this"?
One of my all time favorite movies is "Wild Hearts Can't be Broken". If you haven't had the privilege of experiencing this movie, it is a true story about a young girl whose stubborness and will was her greatest weakness and strength. She became a successful "diving girl", diving horses off of a high point into a swimming pool. I won't share the whole thing in an effort not to spoil it for those who haven't seen it, but there is a scene in that movie that I want to share with you.

Sonora and Al ( This incredibly hot, gorgeous son of her boss) train this wild stallion in an effort to show Al's father ( the owner of the diving show business) that Sonora could dive horses, and be promoted from being a stable hand. Al told her if she could make a "moving mount" ( mounting the wild horse while the horse was running), she could become a diving girl.
Sonora fell again, and again and again. But each time that she did, she kept saying "Again." She absolutely refused to give up. She was going to make that moving mount. And you know what? She did. (
I've posted the link to the movie clip from youtube, go to minutes 3:45 for this scene. It's powerful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Wp6TapXIK0&feature=related )

I think that sometimes, we need to accept and know ahead of time that we won't get it right the first time, and that maybe, just maybe, God uses that time to teach us that not only is it ok, but it's neccesary. It teaches us perseverence, trust, but most of all, I think it teaches us acceptance. When we accept life on life's terms, we gain peace. When we accept the fact that we aren't going to get it right the first time, we have peace. When we fall down and hit the ground so hard that we aren't sure if we can make it up again, all we have to say is "again". There is a lot of power in the word "again". It is a word that could be viewed as repetitive and boring, but I choose to view it as a word that God uses to keep us going. When we are absolutely positive that we simply can't do it, we can do it, with the strength and the help of our Heavenly Father. If we got it right every time, what would we learn, and how would God prove to be so much greater, so much more capable than we are?
I found the biography of the real Sonora Webster, to which I came across this quote from her sister.
"The movie made a big deal about having the courage to go on riding after she lost her sight. But, the truth was, riding the horse was the most fun you could have and we just loved it so. We didn't want to give it up. Once you were on the horse, there really wasn't much to do but hold on. The horse was in charge." Wow. Can you see the paralellism of the horse and Jesus?

Friends, the truth is that life is like making a moving mount on a horse. Everything is going in fast motion, and it's not going to all stop to give you time to "get it right" and "get things in order". You just have to jump on that horse, fall flat on your face, and try again. And if you choose not to even take that risk, you aren't participating in life. You stand on the side lines, worried that you are going to fail, when in all actuality, you are failing by not trusting God that He'll pick you back up again when you do fall. Maybe that's what it's all about. Maybe it's about being in pain and being uncomfortable, because it is right in that place that He can show us how great His capabilities are in taking care of His children.


May every fall you take bring you closer to your Father. May your bloody and scratched elbows and knees be an offering to your King. Let Him pick you up, and keep trying again, again and again.

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