Sunday, August 5, 2012

Fighting the Season

I am a fighter. I always have been, and always will be. I don't like to pick fights or cause arguments, but I have learned that I like to fight reality at times, convinced that the current reality of the world is really unacceptable on a lot of levels. This can include something as serious as my feelings and utter hatred for abortion, child abuse, rape, pornography and the movement to destroy the traditional gender roles of a marriage. However, as a child and into my adulthood I have been known to fight for menial things as well; like the last bowl of coveted sugared cereal that was left in the pantry, or the very, very low meter that reads "empty" on my gas gauge...certain that I can fight  the "no fuel" reality for one or two more miles before I really have to stop to get gas.

I have also been known to fight God. I have found myself fighting His answers, His desires and ultimately His plan. I used to think that God was angry with me when I would fight and question Him, but what I've come to learn is that by fighting Him, I actually gain strength. I gain strength because in the end of my relentless fight and stubborn spirit, I end up falling into His arms realizing that it is He who fights for me. God and I have done this many, many times. It's funny, because you think that I would learn by now, but in my humanity and in the different forms that my challenges and battles have taken shape as, I tend to learn that same lesson over and over and over again. My guess is that I always will, no matter what.

I have written often about the concept of the "seasons of life". However, it hasn't been until recently that I've learned that in my current season, I am taking my fighting spirit into the elements.  As I was discussing this concept out loud,  ( the only way that this verbal processor can usually make sense of anything) I realized that in a sense, I was trying to change the snow drifts into tulips and the zero below temperatures into 70 degrees and sunny. Such a thing sounds absurd; only God can change snow drifts into tulips and frigid temps into a sunny oasis. I then realized that it was no less absurd to see that I was fighting the current season of my life. 

"But God, I want new friends, I want to volunteer, I want to get involved with a church, I want, I want, I want..." has been a conversation that I've had with God often these days. I have tried different things, but my current work schedule makes it almost impossible for me to pursue anything else at this point. Working till 7:30 3 nights a week has just made for a very tired and stressed out girl who basically eats and goes to bed when she gets home. I found myself becoming bitter and almost depressed, because my current reality and season of life wasn't giving me what wanted.

Through the refreshment of this weekend, God has spoken to my heart and humbled me in a much needed fashion. He has shown me that by fighting this season, I am missing the beauty of my winter. He has shown me once again and verbally told me through more then one individual, that I am strategically placed. This isn't about me, this is about what He chooses to do through me. To my co-workers, to my friends that lives thousands of miles away, to my family, to my room mate and to whomever I come in contact with. I am His. It isn't totally about what I can do for Him, but what He has done for me and through me. 

Friends, how easy it is to miss these truths in the fog of our selfishness, fear, anxiety and pain. Praise God that His light is bright enough to shine through these elements of humanity. May God give you the continued desire to seek and ask Him to embrace your current season of life, rather then fighting it. May you see the spring in your winter, but most of all, may you see Him in everything.