A Cup of Thoughts....with room for cream.

Unrecognizable Change

2012-01-18T21:39:00.001-06:00

It has been said that, besides the Lord, the only one who "knows us best" is ourselves. After all, what human being could possibly know what we are experiencing, feeling and understand our likes and dislikes, better then...ourselves? But what happens when the varying dynamics of life kick into high gear, and, just like a caterpillar in a cocoon, a metamorphosis takes place within us; changing our thoughts, feelings, ideas, opinions and appearance? What used to be so familiar to us, in us, about us...is now stranger material? What then?

A few weeks ago I was at work stocking shelves with some co-workers and became involved in a conversation about a former employee who had been working there for many years, and recently decided to take a different employment opportunity. I innocently made the comment about how at times it's important to get out of our comfort zone, try something different and not stay stagnant. This hit a cord with one of my co-workers, to which she stated that she has been working at the same place for over 13 years. "Well, I guess that makes me stagnant." she replied with a rather rattled, snotty undertone to her comment. Realizing that I was having a "foot in the mouth" moment, I assured her that there is nothing "wrong" with staying in one place for awhile, but that that some endings make room for positive change and growth in a persons life. She softened a bit, but I know that my comment held a lot more weight then what I had expected it to.

One of the principles of the Alanon program is that as we grow and develop as human beings, so also do we "grow out of " things that used to "fit". This can range anywhere from specific personal habits, views, opinions, and even people and relationships. When you really take the time to think about it, it is a very "common sense" concept. We don't keep wearing the same clothes we did when we were 10 because not only would they not fit, but we would look extremely stupid. Why does this principle get lost or misconstrued in the other areas of our lives? Why do we feel that we must always fit into and hang onto the same things throughout the entirety of our time on this earth?

Life changes so quickly. The old time related comment "Where have the years gone?" is beginning to make more sense to me. However, we tend to focus on the physical representation of weeks, months and years, and fail to see how things within us fly right along with everything else. And, just like the brackets of time in life, we never get them back. I am learning that not only is that all right, but it is in fact, right.
As part of the process of embracing unrecognizable change within us, there is the element of the fact that what was once unrecognizable and strange will soon become comfortable and familiar. What we must not miss is the fact that even though we live in an evolving world where our souls are not exempt from such a reality, we must lean on and trust the only thing that will never change and yet is even more active then the change we experience. Jesus Christ. It is within our relationship with Him and our knowledge of His manner and ways that we will be able to embrace the unrecognizable and freely let go of the familiar.

The familiar and the unrecognizable. Let it go, and let it be all God's.

2012-01-06T19:27:00.000-06:00

With the start of a new year, I have found myself still dealing with the same old challenges. As I have been in life's limbo, I have found it absolutely necessary to surround myself with encouragement and inspiration in whatever way that I can.

In many of my posts I have quoted Melodee Beattie, author of "The Language of Letting Go" (one of my daily devotionals). Every now and again I come across a very profound entry in this devotional and think it would be absolutely wrong if I didn't share it with more then one person. :)

Affirming the Good

"Wait, and expect good things-for yourself and your loved ones. When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours.

See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment.

Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, and all you are, and all you will become.

Wait, and expect good things." -Melodee Beattie

I don't know about you, but it's been a long time since I've had expectations of great things to happen in my life. When we are children playing dress up and teenagers preparing for the real world, I think it is easier to expect great things for our future. In Jeremiah 29:11, God promises His children that He not only knows and is laying out the plan for our lives, but those plans are to "prosper and not to harm; to give you a hope and a future". But as we continue through life and realize that the "great things" we expected aren't coming to pass, it may seem like God's promise is obsolete. When we lose our job, experience the death of a loved one, go through a divorce and deal with an internal illness and what seems like eternal bills and debts, it is hard to have great expectations for good things to happen. And yet, despite the discomfort of trials and challenges, God's promise remains. There are great things in store for those who love and serve Him. And that is not limited to this earth, but is ultimately referring to our eternal heavenly home.

Expect and affirm good things for the year 2012. May God grant you the discernment to know what good things you can obtain for yourself ( good health,time management, etc) and what good things you can allow God to do in your life; what good things you can choose to embrace, no matter what package they may come in.

Staying Put=Moving Forward

2012-01-03T15:10:00.000-06:00

I find it interesting how God allows us to be in situations that specifically test our faith, according to our backgrounds, personalities, strengths and weaknesses. It is a true fact that God knows us better than we know ourselves; that He has fashioned, shaped and molded us with all the details in mind, and He never overlooks a single factor in that process. What I am learning first hand is that just as God has covered all the details and intricacies in our make up as individuals, so has He placed that same process in the challenges, hardships and testings that He allows us to go through. I guess this isn't such a "rocket scientist" type of break through, but there is a lot of truth in the fact that we don't quite realize such concepts until we are right there in the midst of it.

As I find myself walking through the trenches of this season of life, I am forced to remember the fact that through this process, I am growing. That my relationship with Jesus Christ would be totally stagnant if I wasn't forced to face the fact that there is only so much I can do in my own strength and understanding, and that no matter how hard I try, "staying put" may be God's version of "moving forward". Although I can't feel the movement under my feet, I have to trust that there is movement in my heart towards putting my full and complete trust into the Lord of my life.

In closing, I am reminded of one of my all time favorite quotes from one of my all time favorite heroines.

"The only safe place is being in the center of God's will."- Corrie Tenboom

The Non-Existence of Picture Perfect

2011-12-21T00:19:00.000-06:00

Do you know that phrase "picture perfect"? It's a phrase that is normally used to describe the weather of the day. "Oh, it's just such a picture perfect day, isn't it? 60 degrees and not a cloud in the sky!" , a couple that seems to have it all "Aren't they just a picture perfect couple? They look so good together." or on a greater scale, some body's entire life. " She has such a picture perfect life. She owns her own company, is financially well off, is thin, beautiful, has a husband who loves her and two of the sweetest children you could ever meet."

I've decided to take the phrase "picture perfect" out of my vocabulary, because it doesn't exist. Now, one could argue that you might as well take the words "fairy, "Never Never Land" and Mermaid" out of your vocabulary as well because they too, obviously do not exist. However, it should be stated that the location in our brain where logic takes place can clearly identify that a human with a fish tail who lives under the sea does not match up with reality, but it is also just as clear that the phrase "picture perfect" does not prompt such a logical response from the brain; instead, it subconsciously communicates to us that we are to do what we can to obtain this description, and that this description falls under the realm of "good, positive and happy". All adjectives in which we hope to be or become.

With tears of frustration and anger spewing out all over the place, I muttered these words: "This isn't how I pictured it. This is NOT how I pictured things to be." Over the course of the next several days, those tears and anger continued to come, and I simply could not put a stop to it. It didn't feel natural, normal or "right" as a Christian to tell God that "this isn't how I pictured it". With every session of tears and every imperfect, muttered prayer to God, He gently and quietly whispered a truth to my heart.

"Sarah, this isn't how you pictured it. But this is how I pictured it. Let me put your picture together"

As followers of Jesus Christ, there is no such thing as picture perfect.Picture perfect indicates that it is how we would like it to look, howwe would like to feel. It has "I" at the center of the vision, when God is and will always be the only one to see the big picture. The last time I checked "I" was never at the heart of being a Christian, so I've decided that the phrase "picture perfect" is just a sly ,clever, idealized way for satan to influence God's children to make it about them.

Trust God with the camera. Let him choose the scenery, the lay out, the colors and the props. Trust His timing for the best time to capture the right image. Trust God with the big picture.

At the Heart of Submission

2011-12-20T17:29:00.002-06:00

Submission. What is the first thought that comes to your mind when you see or hear that word? I'm sure Websters Dictionary has a definition for this word, and I've quoted him a time or two in this blog, however in this post I hope to provide a fresh perspective on this word and what it means to incorporate it into our day to dayness.

To submit to someone or something, means to put aside your needs, desires, thoughts and ambitions in the form of a physical action. When a woman gets married, she has vowed to God, her husband and everyone in attendance that she will submit to her husband and his leadership, trusting and believing that that her husband is following and being submissive to Jesus Christ. An individual who wants a paycheck has to submit to the rules and regulations of a company (whether or not he agrees to them) if he wants to keep his job.

My favorite example of submission in the Bible is the story of Ruth and Naomi. After Naomi's husband died, as well as her two sons ( one of which was married to Ruth), Ruth boldly declared "Don't urge me to leave you or turn my back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." (Ruth 1:16) Willingly Ruth laid aside everything she knew and loved, and submitted to Naomi and the relationship that she had with her.

However, since it is Christmas, the story of Mary resonates in my heart. At the humble age 13 or 14, Mary submitted to the greatest plan ever to be placed on this earth; to carry the Son of God. For centuries Mary has captured the attention of the Christian church, and her character and life have been analyzed on so many levels. But for this post, I want to focus primarily on the submission that she had to the Lord. The only question that she asked is "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" (Luke 1:34). However, noticed that she didn't question the wisdom or the reasoning, only the mechanics of how such an event could take place in her young, untouched body.

As I reflect on all the events that have taken place within this last year, I am humbled at how I have not submitted to the will of Christ as willingly as Mary did during that precious time in history. There have been many times where I have just muttled through and done my very best to accept my circumstances, realizing that if this is how God sees fit, there is no point in trying to change any of it. But as the bitterness, anger, hurt and depleting level of hope peel away, my heart is revealed to expose the fact that what is missing is the humble and honest act of submitting to Christ and His perfect timing and plan for my life. That my friend, is the heart of Submission. Surrendering your life to Christ without ever knowing what the outcome will be, and trusting that you are where you need to be at just this moment in time.

As we approach Christmas weekend, I encourage you to lay aside the commercialism, the busyness, the gifts, the food, and everything that casts a shadow on the true meaning of Christmas. I challenge you to examine areas in which God is calling you to submit to His plan, His will, His timing, His way.

Merry Christmas!

A Christmas Prayer

2011-12-20T17:22:00.000-06:00

Just like your daughter Mary

Submitting to your will is a good place to start

but Lord I ask that you enable me to do my part, within my heart.

I can say with my lips that I surrender all

but the real work that takes place is inside of my heart as I heed your call

Help to lay myself aside and to choose to abide

to abide in your peace, to abide in your love.

As you send me through the refiners fire, take me to a place that is higher.

My questions, my thoughts, my every wonder of "why"?

I give to you an offering of tears

wrapped in faith and given in love

And just as the wisemen followed the star

May I follow and trust you to give purpose to my scars

And in turn, help me to see

That it's not about tinsel, the gifts, family or a decorated tree,

but the only gift that you ask for this Christmas is a bended knee.

What a Cashier is REALLY doing When They are Ringing You Up

2011-12-14T16:45:00.000-06:00

Stocking and replenishing shelves and ringing up items for people has the potential to have a high boredom factor. As such, I have found myself day dreaming, observing and making up potential stories and scenarios of customers based on the items they purchase, their appearance, the people they are with and/or the little bits of information that they give me.

Example #1: The other day I rang up items for a woman who was dressed to the nine, had the perfect body, hair, nails, etc. and she was purchasing some Christmas cards. I noticed that the front on one of them said "Merry Christmas to my man", and then I noticed that she had this huge rock on her finger. In the course of that 1 minute, I wondered what her fiancee/husband did for a living, and I wondered if he appreciated her as much as she appreciated him. I then found myself wondering about how he proposed to her, and then started dreaming about my future marriage proposal. All in about a minute.

Example #2: Yesterday I had a woman come through my lane who looked absolutely exhausted. Bags underneath eyes, sweat pants, and disheveled hair. Her purchase? Diapers, wipes, $1.00 Christmas crap from our "one spot" and at least 4 bags of Christmas candy and a Dr. Pepper from our beverage cooler. Need I say more?

Example #3: The most adorable older woman came through my lane with sugar, flour, chocolate chips and at least 12 pairs of printed women's socks. I imagined this sweet little lady stirring up Christmas cookies for her family, and wrapping up little individual boxes with one little pair of socks in each one, so grateful to have found a gift that was "unique, equal and yet were not "all alike" "

Example #4: This young couple came through my lane and purchased condoms, KY Intense for Him and Her, coke, chips and queso dip. Some purchases don't leave anything to the imagination.

Example #5: A tall, ruggedly handsome man in his 30's with dirty hands, a wedding band and dressed in construction work type clothes came through my lane and purchased a 120 count box of diapers. I had to stop myself from looking him straight in the eyes, putting my hand on his shoulder, and thanking him for being a real man and provider for his family. I'm guessing he might have avoided my lane on his next trip.

So many different people with so many different stories. When you go through a lane to purchase your items, it may seem like you go through unnoticed, but if your cashier is anything like I am.... an imaginative, passionate, creative and completely bored individual in the midst of transition, just dying to get out of her current season of life...know that you aren't as invisible as you think you are!

The "What not to be " Guide for Shopping at Retail Stores

2011-12-10T21:29:00.001-06:00

Tis the season for Christmas trees, grandma's homemade sugar cookies, red and green everything and.......

Children who have such terrible melt downs that you can hear the ringing of screaming in your ears at least 10 minutes after you leave the store.
Customers who stand and watch you struggle to fit their awkward, bulky, long heavy toys into "not quite large enough"bags, only to have them rip, and they watch you start all over again.
Women who would rather stand and argue with you that their "card is good", even though the truth of the matter is that they've already spent their limit on buying Christmas crap and are permanently in denial, which somehow ends up being being all your fault.
Customers who think that we are mind readers. of course we should telepathically know you want separate transactions because one order is for your daughter and must be paid in cash and the other is yours and needs to be paid with a credit card. Verbal exchange is never needed for such a request.
Customers who decide to completely unravel a table of nicely folded shirts, organized according to color and size, because their son is x-tra large and his size sits at the bottom... but it took taking apart every other size to figure out that every shirt has a sticker with the size smack dab on the front.
Customers who decide that leaving a bag of half eaten popcorn by the nice flannel shirts is a good idea.
When you say "good morning!" to a customer, and they look at you briefly and give you a half smile and no verbal response, even as they are leaving.
When a customer treats you like a scanning machine instead of a human being with intelligence and feelings.
Being the "rage outlet" for stressed out, workaholic moms who are trying to balance a full time job, kids and putting on the "Christmas of every one's dreams".

These examples (and there are many more that haven't come to mind at the moment) are a good guide and reminder for you as the consumer, as you finish up the last of your holiday shopping. I know stress runs high and time is running out, but take your cart, stand over by the scented candles and take a DEEP breath and say to yourself "It's all about baby Jesus, it's all about baby Jesus" and hopefully the rest of your customer etiquette will naturally fall into place. :)

The Transformation to Unrecognizable

2011-12-06T11:12:00.000-06:00

Last night at work I was ringing up some adorable, mini "real life" looking infant dolls. I took one look at them, and shared with the customer that those would have been perfect dolls for residents in a memory care. She looked at me like I was nuts, and then I tried to explain myself, which further made me appear to be nuts.

And then I realized...

This woman really doesn't care. She smiled at me politely and said something to the effect of "that's nice", and went about her business. I said "Have a great night", and then mentally kicked myself for not keeping that comment to myself.

You see, in my world, finding a real life looking infant doll for $3.00 is something worth mentioning. Why? Because it would benefit and comfort a woman with severe dementia. I could envision handing the doll wrapped up in a pink baby blanket to one of my past residents, seeing the look of sheer love and joy on her wrinkled face as she rocked the baby and kissed the top of her head.

However, my world has changed. It has gone from meaningful experiences like this one, to wearing red and khaki and asking "Can I help you find something?". It has gone from having conversations about World War 2 and rolling out lefse, to pushing chemicals to the front of the shelf. Tears well up in my eyes as I reminisce about what my 8 hour work day used to look like, though I must be careful to not paint a perfect picture of that time.

I simply don't know where God wants me, or what He wants me to do. Right now, I know that He has placed me in Target to be a "fast, fun and friendly" employee to help pay the bills and serve as a transition job till I am led to a more permanent position somewhere. But I know it's temporary. Heavens, everything is temporary on this earth. Everything will eventually die, erode or move on, everything but God's word (Matthew 24:35). Though this truth is comforting, it still does not stop the human desire to know where He is leading me and who He is shaping me to be. It is so hard for me to accept that right now and right here is what it is for right now.

I have been feeling like I have been losing parts of myself, but maybe God is just putting those things on the back burner or removing them completely because those parts werent' as great as I thought they were. I'm sure that there is some glorious, beautiful, refined result of this season of my life... I just pray for the perspective, strength and willingness to believe that there is.

I know many people who read my blog have felt ministered to and inspired by the thoughts and perspectives that the Lord has given me, and I praise Him for that. However, I also pray that my brokenness, honesty and humility will do the same. I really don't have answers right now and I don't have much perspective, but I have the hand of Christ on my heart and on my shoulder, leading me in both ways at the same time.

Update on the Green Girl

2011-11-18T12:21:00.001-06:00

Hello friend :)

It has been awhile since I've taken the time to write, which is one of my favorite things to do. Come to think of it, it's been awhile since I've done much of anything that I enjoy doing. As I read this, it looks like I would be checking a "yes" on the question "have you lost interest in your day to day activities and relationships?" question on a depression questionnaire,but I assure you that though this has certainly been a valley in my life's journey, I'm remaining steady and hopeful.

The title to this post is exactly what this post is; an update. However, I also have the feeling that it is going to be one of those posts where God might have other plans to communicate something to me and prayerfully to my readers; something that wasn't planned or worded in my head before it hit the keyboard.

For those of you who aren't aware, in September I lost my job as an activity director in Cannon Falls. It was unexpected and suffice to say, an experience that was a direct reflection of the sinful world that we live in. Since then, I have moved in with my mother and two sisters, and have gone from being a single, independent living woman to "one of the fam" again.

In this hurried and painful transition, I have been experiencing the comfort and familiarity of home, but have also been learning the concept of grace on a very new level, because this time, the grace applies directly to myself. Along with the lessons of personal grace, I have been pleading with God to show me more of what it means to have my identity be found in Him; His daughter, His princess, His warrior, His baby. Words cannot express how much I miss my seniors and different elements of my job. But it is clear that God has ended something to bring me to a new beginning. Knowing that I'm in the center of His will is the sole driving comfort that brings me through my days.

But things aren't all bad. One of the greatest blessings during significantly difficult times is that it becomes essential to focus on and nurture the many blessings that God has given us, and in my case, the list is never ending. However, I am going to identify a few very special ones at this time in my life.

Blessing #1: After years and years of prayer, writing letters to him without a name and wondering what he would look and sound like, God has brought "the one" into my life. We met on christianmingle.com sometime in April, and after several months of off and on chatting and getting to know each other, we had our first date on Saturday, July 9th, and the rest is history and future combined. :) He loves the Lord with all his heart, has a willing and humble spirit and a calmness and "rock like" quality about him that adds stability to my emotional, driven and "gypsy" tendencies. He has been supportive, encouraging and demonstrated his love for me in numerous ways, especially during this very difficult time in my life. I praise God for him, and I'm so excited to see His plan unfold for us.
Blessing #2: I have once again donned my khaki's and red as I am working seasonally at Target. I was hired for the sales floor and cashier lanes, and it's been a great experience so far. I love working for Target for a lot of reasons, but the main reason is because you truly feel valued and respected as an employee. As I am looking to the Lord for where He wants me to be career wise, I have recently learned that there are a lot of possible executive leadership positions available in the Target cooperation. Although red isn't my color, I am grateful for a job that will keep me busy and my mind focused on things that I can change and achieve. We'll see what God has in store beyond January. :)
Blessing #3: I fear that I will start gaining weight as I have had the privilege of eating homemade, cooked meals every night for supper. I guess that is one of the blessings of being able to live at home. Although there have been a few expected challenges, living with my mom and sisters has been comforting and encouraging on levels that I don't think I have fully understood yet. It's nice to have coffee already made when you get up in the morning, someone to ask how your day has been and people to go to church with.

God does provide. I used to always think that that meant that if I needed money, He would fill my bank account with just enough or that I would meet my husband by bumping into him at a coffee shop; but the truth is, God provides as He sees fit. I think it goes along with that whole concept of trusting Him with our entire being and being willing to see and accept the fact that He knows what we need, no matter how pressing, painful or anxious life becomes. It's that simple. It's just our humanity that naturally makes it so complicated.

May you rest in this truth no matter where you are, how much money is in your bank account, how happy, sad, disappointed, hopeful or depressed you may be. God will provide above and beyond anything we could ever ask for. That's His promise. There aren't many rainbows in November, so my prayer is that my life(and certainly just as colorful) can serve as a reminder of His promises. God bless you.

Memory Loss in All the Right Places

2011-11-08T09:57:00.000-06:00

As I sit in the stillness of late morning with a cup of coffee and a refreshed spirit, I am compelled to communicate a truth that God has revealed to my heart.
I need not spend much time reminding you of what an unmerciful world we live in. We live in a world that is driven by money, politics, greed and selfish ambition. From a young age, we are conditioned to believe that it is the achievement of these things that will give you a name and a place in this world. Many of us (including myself) go out of our way trying to stay on the "right path", doing whatever we can to avoid making mistakes that will give us visible marks that would reveal our humanity; mistakes that would have the potential to haunt us for the rest of our lives.

For the last couple months, I have been struggling like a caterpillar in a cocoon, trying to break free in God's truth to this harsh reality of life on earth. I have felt like the character of the "wemmik" in Max Lucado's children's book "You are Special". Instead of getting stars, I have been getting big, fat dots. In fact, the cold sore outbreak that I'm healing from is such a reflection of how I feel on the inside. We live in a world that is quicker to give us dots, rather than stars. And in this world, those dots have a staying power that only Jesus Christ can remove.
This morning in my quiet time, I came across this verse in Hebrews:

"God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them."-Hebrews 6:10

My heart is at rest as I am reminded of the powerful truth that unlike the world we live in, God has absolutely and completely forgotten our sins and mistakes. In fact, that moment we bring them to Him, it is as if it never happened. He will never shove them in our face and threaten our peace, but instead only remembers the work we've done; the love that we have shown others that is pleasing in His sight. Friends, a relationship with Christ is the beginning to understanding a truth as powerful as this one. Otherwise we will walk around on this earth so full of dots that represent every mistake we've made, every person we've hurt and every moment of disobedience that we've taken part in.

He sees you. He smiles when you do the simplest thing that blesses His heart. He keeps no record of wrongs, but only an ongoing list of all you've done right. He's pleased with you, He loves you, and He only desires to give you stars and remove your dots, as he continues to carve and sand you to perfection as His special craftsmanship.

Let Her Sleep

2011-11-03T01:04:00.000-05:00

Sleep is such a beautiful thing. It is God's gift to our weary bodies; an essential form of restoration in order to survive. We all look forward to that time at night where we are completely done with the day, and drift into sleep, forgetting about the cares of the day. There are some days where the world seems to be falling apart, but after a good night's sleep and a cup of coffee, everything seems more manageable again.

Sleep is also used to promote healing.When we are ill, we spend a good amount of time sleeping in order to get back to normal ,working order. Just recently I've been battling a virus, and have found myself sleeping a lot more than normal in order to heal.

"Let her sleep, for when she wakes she will move mountains"

I have always viewed sleep in the literal sense, but after reading this quote, I found myself looking at the verb in a very different manner.Today I mentioned to a friend that it seems like all I've been doing is laying around and sleeping, to which he replied "look at it as restoration from the last few months. You've been through a lot."

Right now, I feel like my life is in slow motion. I am waiting for direction for work, trying to develop a routine where there isn't much structure to work with and struggling to remain positive. But maybe, just maybe, this is a literal time to sleep and rest; not only physically, but spiritually and emotionally. I'm so used to always "doing" something, or striving to "be" something. These last couple of years pushed the "doing" and "being" factors into high gear, and all of a sudden it's been kicked to neutral.

As a woman of God, I desire to move mountains in this world. Tears come to my eyes when I reminisce on the times when God and I did move mountains together. I desire to thrive and not merely survive, and live every day of my life as if it were the last.

But right now, let me sleep. Let me sleep so that when it is time to move some more mountains, I will be present in every sense of the word. Let me sleep, so that I can gain back my strength and heal from the open wounds.

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, o Lord, make me dwell in safety."-Psalm 4:8

Buried Shame, Uncovered Treasures of Truth

2011-10-24T09:29:00.006-05:00

There is something very exciting about buried treasure. Remember those infomercials for metal detectors, with those happy retired senior citizens roaming the beach, searching for hidden valuables underneath the sand? Gifts wrapped up in deep boxes and layers of tissue paper can have the same affect, as you excitedly rip away all the unnecessary debris to get to that item tucked away at the bottom.

There also remains the reality that just as much as special, fun, shiny objects can be buried and discovered, there is also a possibility that one may find something not nearly as desirable; a murdered body, a box of hand written love letters that were stolen and never given to the rightful owner, or a secret that has never been shared and festers into fear within the heart of that individual.
More often than not, things that are buried are meant to be buried. There is an intention in the process, whether it be hiding something to keep it safe or in an effort to ignore a painful memory. However, I recently learned the exception to this truth.

"Sarah, I've been doing some thinking, and I've decided that although you do have a lot of strengths, they do not outweigh your weaknesses."
When I heard this statement spoken with such a mechanical, unfeeling tone, I found myself so numb that I, myself, became mechanical in order to digest what I heard. I heard one thing, but it became clear that my heart heard something quite different. Even though I knew that what was said was meant to be hurtful and manipulative, my head and logic was not connecting to my heart. I buried this evil, ugly statement that was spoken to me, deep down in my heart, in a place where only Jesus would be able to uncover it, and make any sense of it.
For over a month, it haunted me. My greatest, unspoken fear of myself was brought into the tangible world to be heard, not just thought in the privacy of my own head. Could it be that despite all my God given gifts and abilities, that my weaknesses were truly outweighing them? Even though on a rational level as a Christian I knew that this was a lie, something wasn't breaking me from it.

This weekend, God revealed to me the importance of knowing the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says: "I've done something wrong" , but shame says: "I am something wrong". When I heard this description, I realized what had happened. When the statement was spoken to me, it was meant to manipulate and make me feel guilty. But in all actuality, it was a statement of shame. I believed that as a person, I was wrong. I had buried that shame so deeply, and in the busyness of life, chose not to dig very deep to unearth it.Friends, how often do we hear something (and by "hear" I don't just mean just with your ears, as our hearts hear things as well) and interpret something as shame? I pray that if there is any buried shame in your life, that by God's power, sovereignty and grace, you would allow Him to uncover it and set you free. As Christians, we have the most amazing promises to claim. One of those promises is that in our weakness, HE is our strength.
"But He said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work in me."- 2nd Cor. 12:9We MUST stand on the word. God's word has the power reveal these truths in a world where satan longs to tinge things with evil and shame. Just as Christ has unearthed the shame, He has in turn polished His priceless treasure and made us shine in a world that is hopeless without Him.

Walk in the freedom that there is NO condemnation and shame for those who belong to Jesus Christ. Bury yourself in Him.

Farewell, Happy Place

2011-10-14T11:22:00.009-05:00

Saying "goodbye" is apart of life. I have often associated a tearful goodbye with a person rather than a place, but this time, it's different.

About two years ago at the end of January, I put "coffee shop" into my GPS, and was led to a location that I would later affectionately dub as "My happy place". An old train station restored to a Caribou Coffee, my "happy place" was a constant comfort in the midst of all of the change and transition that I experienced since my arrival to Cannon Falls. When I was completing my degree, I did hours of homework. After I graduated, I went there to clear my head, write, journal and spend quality time with my Savior. And then there were those times where life just simply got too much, of which I would run to this refuge of espresso and cozy chairs, find a corner, and cry or just simply close my eyes and try to meditate on the fact that God is faithful and loving, even when you are losing it. I know that God meets us wherever we are, but it seemed that He especially spoke clearly to me within the walls of that nook.

As I am soaking up the last of my precious time in this place, I find that it is also serving as a closing of a chapter in the book of my life. People and relationships are so fickle. They are one of Gods greatest gifts to us, but loving and investing in people is a big risk. You never know when they will turn on you, move away, or simply decide that investing in your friendship isn't a priority any more. However, a building...a special place that one can go to, doesn't change or disappear as easily. Sure, it can get torn down or remodeled after a time, but for the most part it's constant, sturdy, predictable.

I have come to realize and understand that my relationship with Jesus is my true "happy place". He never changes, He never leaves, He never decides to withhold His faithfulness from His children. No matter what life may bring, He is the only constant. He is like coffee for my soul... inviting, satisfying, spreading warmth throughout my body. He invites us to nestle into His word, and listen to His voice in a place where the distractions of this world are put on hold.

May you find refuge in the constant of Christ, and comfort in the certainty that He is and always will be there...and you needn't drive very far to meet Him.

Another Chapter of Trust

2011-10-09T17:09:00.007-05:00

I have always loved the season of fall. There just seems to be this "hush hush" element added to nature that only fall can bring. Although we haven't experienced much of the cooler tempts quite yet, the leaves have started changing their wardrobe from shades of green to the warm, inviting shades of red, yellow and orange. I find it ironic that as nature is making a literal transition, I am also making a similar one. In the spirit of that understanding, I am reminded that the transition from fall to winter is one of the most beautiful, breathtaking times in nature. By the grace of God may I see this in my own life as well.

God has officially shut a door, and a few windows are being cracked open a little bit here and there. As of this Thursday, I will be moving from my apartment in Minnesota to my true home with my mother and sisters, until God reveals the next steps in my life. I am experiencing many emotions as so many things are yet to be discovered and understood, but I do hold on to the truth that His "thoughts aren't my thoughts, and His ways aren't my ways".

A friend of mine reminded me the power of being thankful. As I ponder this thought, I am impressed to communicate how thankful I am that I have a hope in something greater and better than myself. I am thankful for the fact that by God's grace and mercy, I am able to look past the confusing and hurtful, trusting and having faith in the unseen and yet the truly visible presence of Jesus Christ in my life.It seems that no matter what season of life we are in, trust is key. God allows things to happen in our lives to give us another opportunity to trust Him on a deeper level than we did the last time. To trust is to allow yourself to be refined, bent and broken. However, God never allows this to take place without transforming it into something beautiful.

Don't you want that? Don't you want beauty? Whether you are a man or a woman, we all want beauty in some form. Whether it be beauty to hold, to take in with the eyes or to hear, it is something we all desire. As a woman, I have always desired beauty. The older I get, the more I realize that the most valuable beauty is given to me when my Father refines, bends and breaks me.

Beauty is trust, trust is beauty. Maybe, it's just that simple.

What Happens when the Door Slams

2011-09-18T20:05:00.008-05:00

The old saying goes "When a door shuts, God opens a window". As far as I know, there aren't any comforting cliche sayings for when "the door slams in your face, and knocks you so hard on the head that it sends you sailing backwards, landing on your back." Oh, one could argue that a window will eventually open, but what this saying fails to emphasize is the unknown, trying hours that are spent waiting for that window to open so that you can climb down the tree to the next opportunity in life."Opening a window" is an equilative to God answering our prayers in a specific way. When a door slams shut in our face, it is uncomfortable, scary, intimidating, frustrating, maddening and depressing.

Have you ever had someone slam a door in your face? Maybe it was during an argument with someone, and one of you decide that the easiest way out is slamming the door; an action that doesn't need words, and often more powerful. This scenario is especially hurtful when it is in regards to a close, meaningful friendship/relationship. One day, something is said or done, and it can't get worked out. Then, when you least expect it, they shut the door. No more phone calls or heart to heart's over coffee. No more affirming words and support. The door is closed and sometimes it never opens again.What if God chooses not to open a window? Does that make Him any less capable, righteous and loving? And here's a thought: What if that slamming door is the open window?

You see friends, God promises His children that He will always provide. Also known as, He will always open a window. However, we must strive to see what window God opens through a slammed door. Right now, I'm learning that that window is a window that opens to full and complete dependence and trust in Jesus Christ, a desire to pour myself into His word and to pray as if it is physical water that I need to survive.

May you have the courage to step through the windows of slammed doors, allowing the Holy Spirit to help you recognize one when you see one. There are no closed doors, only opportunities to trust God unlike you ever have before.

Vision Keepers

2011-09-13T21:09:00.006-05:00

What is a vision? "Vision" is one of those words that encompasses several different meanings. As humans we strive to have "20/20" vision to properly see and for hundreds of years people have had visions for a company, a product, and/or idea. There is also the type of vision that is placed in the heart of a person. Much like Martin Luther King's famous speech "I have a dream", could easily be interpreted as "I have a vision".
This post was inspired by a song that came on my Pandora.com radio station this morning during my quiet time. The song is entitled "A Women's Heart" by recording artist Jenny Jordan Frogley. The whole song brought me to tears as I felt God tenderly touching my heart through those lyrics. There was one part of the song that spoke especially clear to me:

"She's a keeper of the vision

She's a beacon in the night

A teacher and defender of truth

and everything she touches

bears the traces of her light."

I can confidently say that throughout my whole life, I have possessed a vision for something or someone. I have always been able to see in my heart and within my wild imagination, how I envision something to look and be. I believe that these visions are what keep us alive and keep us pressing beyond the struggles and the mundanes of the present. There are people who are given special gifts to envision something, and then bring that vision to reality. A good friend of mine has this gift. She took a few pictures that I had taken of my apartment, and turned it into a beautiful, cozy little nook that I can truly call a home. There are others who have a vision, but are too afraid to carry out what it would take to bring it to life.
While healing from my concussion that occurred a little over a month ago, I had lost my vision. I lost my vision for my job, my position, opportunities for my voice, my writing, my relationships, goals. It was as if the glasses that give me that vision were stashed away in a drawer somewhere, buried underneath daily, persistent headaches, fatigue, irritability and depression. I am still healing, but in addition to the healing of my brain, my heart has been healing as well.
Pain makes us surrender; Surrender to medications, help, sleep, changing a habit, etc. Eventually the pain can become so intense, that we realize that the thought of dealing with the pain or finding a solution on our own, makes things even more painful. It is in that time that our heavenly Father stops our pain by stepping in.
Oh, maybe the actual physical and/or emotional pain doesn't completely go away. But if it did, would we understand the importance of true and literal dependence on Jesus to carry us through this life? I desire a reprieve; a "mountain top" season of life, if you will. But for now, the wilderness is going to have to do. For now, it is a "crash course of Jesus dependence" time of life.
How about you? Do you have a vision, or has it been lost? Ask Him. Ask God to give you a vision. A vision for your relationship with Him, your family, your job, your education, volunteering, and serving Christ as a whole. Remember friends. We are the vision keepers and beacons of truth in this world. Shine that light.

The Bingo Game from Hell

2011-08-19T18:23:00.011-05:00

One could use the word "challenging" when it comes to working with senior citizens, but throw in seven senior citizens with varying stages of dementia, and challenging doesn't seem appropriate any more.
Every Friday I play bingo with my memory care residents from about 2:15-3:30. Nothing fancy like playing for "4 corners" or "postage stamp", as just remembering where the "B" and the "I" are located is enough mental work. Usually we have a pretty quiet game, with some singing in between the rounds, but today things got changed up a bit.
A new couple moved into our home, and my boss asked me if I would please take the wife to memory care with me to play bingo, as she thinks she would really benefit from it. I walked over to their apartment, knocked on the door and was introduced to one of the happiest ladies I had ever met. I have certainly never seen dementia in this form before! She was laughing at everything that I said, and with a little coaxing from her husband and I, I got her to join me for the afternoon. All the way there her eyes were glowing with excitement, and she was just overflowing with joy. Her laughter was certainly contagious and, looking back at the experience, was a blessing in disguise.
She settled right into our memory care family, and the game got started. I put her next to a "Alice", a down to earth, genuine ex- one room school teacher, farm wife and mother of 6 boys. "Alice" 's eye sight is even better than mine, and when it comes to games and instructions, she follows them to a "t" and often "teaches" and coaches the other residents who struggle. Well, the new resident (we'll call her "Iris") told me that she had never played bingo before, so I knew that setting her next to "Alice" would probably be helpful move. Boy, was I wrong.
I don't know if any of you have called bingo before, but after awhile it gets pretty boring and annoying. After every single number I called out, Iris would repeat it several times and giggle in between. After looking under the free space and every other spot that was already filled for the number that was last called, she finally decided that she certainly doesn't "have that one this time". Well, the ex- one room school teacher was about ready to tear her hair out after the above described incident happened after every single number was being called. "No, no, NO! Here's the "B"! Now, the number called was 15, but you have 19, so you don't have that number this time!"
To top it all off, I had another resident calling a resident a "dummy" because he wasn't playing his card ( and isn't even capable of doing so). "Ya dummy! Didn't you hear her? I 25, you have that one, it's right here! Geez." Down the table, I hear another resident whom I have deemed the "ham" of our group, pipe up with "Do you have an "O Shucks"? ". Needless to say, the game was cut short by about 25 minutes. For the record, 3 games were played in over an hour's time. To put it in the words of Iris "Ha ha! I think I'm losing my mind!" Yeah, well, you aren't the only one.

A Coffee and Cookie Lesson

2011-08-17T21:06:00.011-05:00

Maybe one of the reasons that I enjoy working in a memory care environment so much is because of the simplicity and honesty of my residents. When a person has dementia, they are stripped of many ( if not all) of the mental "filters" that healthy human beings possess in their brains. You know, those filters that prevent us from verbally telling someone that they need to lose weight, or the outfit that they chose to wear looks hideous. We all think those things, but when you have dementia, what you think comes right out of your mouth. I have often thought that people with healthy brains could learn a thing or two from these people who have been labeled as "losing their minds".
In my personal life, I have been undergoing some very difficult times, due to a concussion and a very stressful working environment. To be quite honest, everything that I do these days wears me out. If I am not dealing with a raging headache or inconvenient nausea, I'm battling mood swings that seem to have a life of their own. These symptoms have directly affected the entirety of my life, especially my job. It seems like I'm forgetting a lot more things these days, having less patience and by the look and sound of the reaction of my superiors, that I'm not meeting "performance standards".
In this world, there are a lot of standards that we have to meet. Some of them are standards that we place on ourselves, but there are many standards that are placed on us just by living and breathing. And, if you are like me, if you desire to go "beyond the standards" ( which I'm learning is highly overrated), it actually can backfire, because than people set their standards and expectations to what you have set for yourself. So the moment you make a noticeable mistake, experience the set back of an injury or get sick, you are than slowly lowered into a hole that was dug on your own accord, with the help of a few willing bystanders.
Today was a rough day. By 2:30, I had two hours left on the clock and absolutely no will or ambition left. I forced myself out of my desk chair, and made my way to the 4th floor. I knocked on all of their doors, enticing them to come out for a cookie and a cup of of coffee. One by one they shuffled out of their rooms and made their way to the dining room. As I poured the coffee and served the cookies, one of my residents had a seat at the kitchen island. As I poured him a cup of coffee and gave him his cookie, he looked me in the eye and said with absolute sincerity."you are such a sweetheart. Thank you!". As I fought back tears, I realized how blessed I was to be with people that were impressed at my sheer ability to give them a cookie and pour them a cup of coffee. That was enough them. I didn't need to write an impressive blog post, haul them on an outing, respond well in a care conference, or throw a fantastic event with streamers, music and cake. Love, appreciation and affection was poured out on me as a result of a cookie and a cup of coffee.
It didn't take long to realize that that is what the Lord was trying so desperately to communicate to my heart. Despite my earthly circumstances, God just desires me to love on Him, to trust Him and to to be faithful to Him. That's all. That's all that He asks of us. We don't have to earn His approval, we don't have to meet standards that are never verbalized or communicated. Although we can't get lazy and apathetic in the grace that has been extended to us by His death on the cross, we are enough just the way we are.

When we fall in the world, it seems as if we get a red dot placed on our forehead to represent our mistakes and failures. But when we fall in God's grace, it is simply another opportunity for Him to love and nurture His child and affirm them that because we are His, we are sufficient. We are enough. We are His.

Empowering the Men in our Lives

2011-08-07T17:31:00.008-05:00

What does it mean to "empower"? Dictionary.com defines "empower" as "to enable or permit" and "to give power or authority to". Since the late 1950's, America has been on a hot pursuit to empower women. This empowerment included but was not limited to, education, equalization and sexual rights. It was implied that men were too powerful, stifling the growth and the potential of the "weaker" sex. While I cannot deny that abuse from the male gender did ensue throughout the years, I also cannot deny that there is a distinct confusion amongst both genders when it comes to the concepts of "empowerment" and "control".
Nobody wants to be controlled, but there are plenty of people who want to be in control. People who feel the need to control often are experiencing an intense fear of the unknown; what would happen if they actually did let go. Empowerment is quite different. Empowering somebody means that you are giving something valuable to somebody so that they in turn can do something even more valuable. God's word is empowering, education is empowering, self help books and conferences are empowering. As women, we are taught of the importance of empowering ourselves, but as a Christian woman, I can testify that very little is taught about how to empower the men in our lives. There are authors and books out there that touch on this subject, but since this blog is "my little corner of the world", I thought I would share my perspective on this concept.
I am the type of person that can be empowered by words. If you compliment me on my appearance, on something that I've done or something positive that you observe about me, I could live on that compliment for days. Of the "5 Love Languages" (written by Gary Chapman), one of mine is most definitely "words of affirmation". People can be empowered in different ways, placing the emphasis on the difference of personality and upbringing. But in our world, we have often been taught and conditioned to not divide male and female as an example of those "differences". The concept of empowerment in relation to the different sexes is no exception.
As Christian women, we desire to be led by a man who is being led by Christ. Even if a woman identifies herself as being independent and a natural leader, she is wired to desire to be an integral part of an adventure with a man who is beside her and slightly ahead of her. What has been a mystery to me is how do we allow the man in our life to lead us, but also be able to empower them with the strengths, talents and traits that we possess in which we are clearly more of a "leader"in? In other words, how do we supply the men in our lives with our unique giftings, knowledge and wisdom, without knowingly or unknowingly using them as a tool to "get what we want" or control the a situation? Biblically, the man is to be the head of the household and the head of a relationship (1st Cor. 11:3), but also a marriage is comprised of three strands which are not easily broken (Eccl.4:12). Amongst those three strands is woman, completely and totally unique in her giftings and understandings of love and life, a leader in her own right.
I firmly believe that as women of Christ, we are called to empower the men in our lives by simply being present. By serving, respecting, and offering leadership in areas where it is needed. I am learning that the Holy Spirit will grant that discernment as it is needed, and that we need only keep an attitude of humility and understanding. A man who lives his life under the authority and Lordship of Christ is a powerful man indeed, but coupled with a woman who is like"hearted", is a serious threat to the enemy and an important part of God's plan for His people.

I pray that as women we may pray for discernment and wisdom on a daily basis, asking the Lord to show us ways in which we can empower the men in our lives with our encompassing internal and external beauty; a true representation of the Bride of Christ.

Reminders

2011-08-07T16:40:00.006-05:00

As we go throughout our busy lives, we often need reminders to remember to do various things. An alarm clock reminds us that we need to wake up from our slumber and sticky notes are covered with "to do's". When we are hungry, our stomachs growl, reminding us that we are hungry and we receive emails and written statements reminding us of bills that are due ( or over due). In our age of advanced technology, we are even reminded with 'dings' by our cell phones and computers when we have a hair appointment or how many days away a loved one's birthday is. Our world is full of reminders to help keep us on track, and yet I have come to learn that reminders take place in so many more ways then dings on a cell phone or a sticky note on your desk.
About two weeks ago to this day, I fell in the shower, hit my head and suffered a stage 3 concussion. It has been a huge uphill climb as I have been dealing with symptoms that include persistent headaches, irritability, depression and some minor short term memory loss and word placement issues. After taking two days off for rest, I had to get into the "swing of things" again in life. It didn't take long for me to get frustrated as I realized how much I had taken my strength for granted, and how much energy is actually expelled when making a phone call or giving directions to somebody. In my exhaustion and frustration, I found myself getting quickly worn down. I have never experienced headaches on such a persistent basis, so after a few days of constantly dealing with them, I asked God to show me what He wanted to teach me during this time.
I have always struggled to fully rely on Gods strength. For some odd reason, I think that in my humanity I can accomplish and overcome the things that come my way. It doesn't take me long to realize that the only way to break that cycle is to allow myself to be broken, acknowledging my need for God's strength and faithfulness. With every headache, frustration and bought of depression, I found myself being reminded of how absolutely vital it is to remain and abide in Christ at all times. What if we viewed pain and the things that we can't control, as strategically placed reminders of how we are to rely on God's strength alone? How would that change our outlook on our circumstances?

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "-John 15:4

"But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate[a] the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. "- 2nd Cor.3:16-18

As you abide in Christ, you abide in His love. And as you abide in His love, you are abiding in His faithfulness. Abiding in your Father is all that you need to bring you through every struggle that you will face, and will give perspective to every happy time that you are privileged to experience.

Captivity of the Mind

2011-08-01T20:24:00.012-05:00

For as long as I can remember, my mind has been the greatest battlefield of my life. I think that that is a true statement for many people, as our minds and hearts are private to everyone except ourselves and God. We compile mental lists in our mind, day dream about delightful things or scenarios and respond to our world internally during those times that it may or may not be appropriate to verbalize or act upon.
The things that we tell ourselves in our mind have the power to make or break us. We've all heard authors and motivational speakers talk about the effectiveness of positive "self pep talks", as well as the impending doom of destructive thinking. I have learned that somewhere along those lines, the ultimate adversary of evil can weave his way into this personal world, at times making it a literal prison in which we can't break free. There is a song by the popular Christian music group "Selah" called "I Bless Your Name". In that song there is a verse that always ministers to my heart, and prompts me to pray for others who struggle in a similar fashion. "Some midnight hour if you should find, you're in a prison in your mind; reach out and pray, defy those chains, and they will fall in Jesus name."
Praise God when we can identify that we are truly in a mental prison, but what about the times when we can't even identify that there are actual lies we are believing that are putting us behind those bars? On our knees and in our willingness to follow Christ, to seek His peace and to understand His ways, we are given the opportunity to allow Jesus to penetrate our hearts and show us the difference between a thought life that is free of the captivity of lies and one that is abiding in the richness of a Father who loves you, and desires you to have nothing but peace.
Just the other night, I was wrestling with some severe anxiety and worry about something going on in my life. I found myself going back and forth in my mind, and then realized that this wasn't of the Lord. Remembering a method that I had read from a book that I just recently finished, I decided to do my best to put words to the thoughts that were going on in my head. As I articulated the thoughts from my pen onto the paper, it didn't take long to discover that many of the thoughts were lies straight from the enemy. Next to the lie, I wrote down the truth, and then did my best to find scripture to back up that truth. By giving words to those lies, they lost their power. They were revealed as the destructive, unnecessary, life sucking demons that they really were.
How about you? Do you find yourself "in a prison in your mind"? Maybe it's depression, or maybe it's simply just the tendency to over think and over analyze. But whatever the case, God desires to break you free of that stronghold. Satan has no place or authority in your heart or mind, despite his deceptive visits that seem to be harmless.
Disrobe the darkness in your mind by allowing Christ to illuminate His light on your path. Just like crickets in a dark room that are being invaded by the flip of a light switch, so will Christ cause those lies to scatter to the corners as He rolls out His carpet of peace and truth.

Standing on the Promises

2011-07-28T13:23:00.006-05:00

It was a rainy day yesterday, and as I struggled to pull my wits about me with my memory care residents while recovering from a concussion ( long story. I will probably mention more details in another post), I was struggling to come up with something creative to engage my residents in during our morning activity group. The rain inspired some music with rain in it, and then it led to a conversation about the account of Noah and the flood in the Bible. When we got to the rainbow part, I knew where God was leading me in our time together. I gave them each a large print hymnal, and asked them to find hymns that specifically stated God's promises. After doing this for a little while, one of my residents looked at me thoughtfully and said "And us old people, we can say that these things are true because we've lived it!". Her confident statement sent a chill up my spine, and peace to my heart.
In our youth, we can only depend upon the testimonies in God's word and the people in our lives in regards to God's promises and our faith in something we cannot see. We must live years on this earth to see those promises put to work in our own lives. To be reminded of that truth brought me to a place of appreciation for life. If we aren't living, we can't experience God's promises, and too often we don't focus on the rainbow, but instead focus on the storm that forces us to look up.
May you be reminded of God's unending, beautiful, life giving promises. May you view your years on this life as an opportunity to see those promises in action, as they come alive from the pages of His word, translating into your life as a visible, God honoring testimony of who HE is.

Merry-Go-Round Optional

2011-07-22T17:07:00.007-05:00

As a child, I have special memories of a merry-go-round in a local mall. I remember the excitement that I felt as I picked out "my" horse, examining all of them carefully to see which design I liked the best. Once I chose my horse, the ride began. Oh the thrill of going up and down, and round and round to the tune of old circus music! But like all good things, it would come to an all too soon end.
have learned that as an adult, we have opportunities to get back on a merry-go-round ride. However, the difference is that this ride has the potential to not stop and to make you dizzy; there is no joy in the "ups and downs" like there is on the merry-go-rounds of our youth. The merry-go-round that I'm referring to is friendships,relationships and interactions that take place with an individual who thrives on drama and controlling people with their emotions. I'm sure at some point, we've all known a person like that in our lives. Those people who react to absolutely everything, whether it be good or bad. Those people who will say and do things to manipulate you to feel a certain way, or to get a certain answer or response. Oh, it's not like these people are always unbearable. They have the potential of being quite lovable, somebody that we enjoy spending our time with. But before we know it, we find ourselves going round and round and round about the same things, experiencing the same negative feelings again.
I have learned that it is optional to get on this type of merry-go-round. I have also learned that it is absolutely imperative that we do whatever we can to keep God's peace, which means staying grounded in the truth of a situation. We must learn to detach from the behaviors and the reactions of others. Doing so gives us the option to ride our horse for a little bit, but be able to get off when the music and the "up and down" motions get to be too much for us to handle.
However, there is one other thing you need to know. Many times these people don't like the fact that we choose to get off the ride. In fact, they may go so far as to insult, incessantly question and badger us. But the truth is friend, deep down in their heart they wish that they too, had the courage to get off that circus ride. They are just as, if not more, tired, dizzy and sick as you. For many people, this merry-go-round ride isn't just a leisure activity or special event, it's their life. Can you imagine having a circus crazy life that goes round and round and round, and never stops? No potty breaks, no change in scenery and you see people leave, but rarely do people stay.
May you have the grace and courage to stay grounded in the truths that Jesus Christ has brought to His children. Enjoy the ride friends, but never forget that there are many choices along the way. You choose when to get on, and when to get off. Trust Him, and you're feet will hit the ground.

Not Much

2011-07-16T15:36:00.007-05:00

In our instant world of fresh coffee, fast food,email, i-phones and zippity-zip credit cards, it is clear that there are many places available to spend our money. Our society has created a trend that in order to truly live, you must spend. The Internet doesn't need one more blog post on consumerism, so I won't bore you with that lecture. But I would like to share with you my new found understanding of being content with "not much".
For as long as I can remember, I have found pleasure in material possessions. These possessions were never expensive, and often they were second hand. I distinctly remember one of my first independent purchases. It was a plastic coin purse with "water" inside, where little mermaids and beads squished about. There is something truly euphoric about having something pretty, whether it holds your coins or is worn in your hair. From little on, we receive the message that when we have things,we are o.k. and when we don't have those things, we aren't o.k. As Christians, we are taught that Jesus Christ is all that we truly need; all of our needs will be provided through Him. I've wrestled with this truth for many years, but I feel as if God has finally brought me to a place in my heart where I can understand and see this truth for what it really is.
Living the "20 something, single and absolutely broke" lifestyle has presented some interesting challenges. I have found that it is far more important to have money for gas to get to work, then it is to get your hair professionally colored. I have learned that a box of cereal or packages of oatmeal are a cheap and filling way to feed yourself, and that toilet paper nicely replaces the need for Kleenex boxes. I have forfeited pretty for practical, finding that pretty is often not practical, except for those rare occasions in the discount aisle. I have learned how to stretch outfits into more outfits, and to go months without purchasing new clothes, and when I do purchase them, it is usually a yellow tag sale at Good Will.
Several weeks ago, I got a "wild hair" and decided to finally transfer my library of books from the plastic tote they've been sitting in to the book shelf where they belong. As I shelved each book, I somehow felt like I was incredibly wealthy. Each title represented a specific area of my life that I have invested in throughout the years, or a Bible Study that I've done that I could certainly do again. When I saw all the tools that were at my fingertips to build the inner wealth of my relationship with Jesus and my knowledge of His principles, it was clear that despite all of the "worldly" necessities that I've learned to do without, I had everything I needed.
There was a previous post in which I wrote about the "fear of lack". I still struggle with that fear, even though I have embraced penny pinching more now then I ever have before. There are definitely areas of growth in which I need to fully learn to trust in my Savior, believing with everything in me that He is enough. That the beauty He has built within me, the truths that have blossomed and resonated in my life and the lives of those I come in contact with, is all I need to combat this world of materialism. That is not to say that I don't desire to go on a wild shopping spree, get my nails done, buy a piece of jewelry that was "calling my name", or snag that adorable denim jacket that would go with anything. I adore the pretty things in life, and look forward to the day where I may have a few more resources to work with. But the truth of the matter is that right now in this state of "absolutely broke singleness", He is cultivating a spirit of "absolute contentment and brokeness" within my heart; a foundation for the life that He desires me to live, with priorities that are above the worlds.
May the inner wealth that you obtain as being a prince or princess of The King be more than enough to combat this world of selfishness and materialism and may you find your identity by the title of your maker, and not the brand of your clothes, embracing the truth that you are worth far more than any designer item.

Above and Beyond

2011-07-08T18:40:00.010-05:00

As human beings, we are limited. Limited in our thoughts, perspectives and abilities. Our limitations is one of the many things that clearly distinguishes the difference between an infinite, powerful, omnipotent God and us, His creation.
It amazes me how often I have limited my Heavenly Father in regards to what He is capable of doing. Trusting in a limitless God often clashes with experiencing limitations as a human being. We tend to trust in what we can see, and what we know we will find success in. Our day to day lives are like puzzle pieces; each day, God gives us another piece to put on the table of our life. Sometimes we are able to put the pieces together, and other times there is a long stretch before anything fits together.
Why is it that we "settle" for something that is "less than God's best"? And more importantly, how do we really know what is God's best and what is settling? I am learning that this is one of the great joys in being a child of God. God only wants the best for His children, and when we truly take this promise to heart, there is no possible way that we could "settle" for second best. Just when we think we think God has blessed us with something great, He pulls the "God card" and blesses us above and beyond our human limitations.
This is not a matter of perfection. God is perfect, yes, but anything that He blesses us with on this earth will not be perfect because it is not within the confines of heaven. This is a matter of listening, trusting, and doing "the next right thing", for it is His Holy spirit that shows us what that next "right thing" is. When we understand our limitations, we understand how unlimited out Heavenly Father is.

May this truth act as a sort of helium in your spirit, lifting you high, higher and higher into God's reality, and not your own.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight"

~ Proverbs 3:5-6

A Trust Relationship

2011-07-04T22:38:00.005-05:00

Porch Coffee. Separately, the two words are charming. But together, they create a fantastic experience. Drinking a fresh cup of coffee in my Jammie's with my mother on her porch, with the breeze blowing, birds singing their "good morning" melody. I am convinced that God meets my mother and I on that porch, guiding our hearts and thoughts in conversation in which He shows up and reveals Himself faithful.
While sipping our morning brew, a variety of topics were covered, but the one that influenced me the most was how our relationship with God is certainly a "trust" relationship. In all of our relationships, we want to be able to truly trust that person. Trust them with our secrets, our flaws, our pain, our fears and our concerns. As we all know, having a perfect "trust" relationship with human beings is impossible; they will break that trust completely, or sever it by a slip up of the tongue or a defect in character.
In relation to this topic, we discussed the concept of prayer and how we have both learned to not pray in specifics for events, or things we "want" for ourselves or other people, but rather to ask God for the grace and tools to be able to handle whatever comes our way. My mom then made a point that it is so easy to become the "whiny" child of the Heavenly Father. What person is appreciative of a whiny person? As children of God, we have already given ourselves fully to God and His plan for our lives. We pray to let go and acknowledge a power greater than ourselves. It's that simple, that profound, that beautiful.
I desire to fully trust my Heavenly Father; to know that His "yes will be yes" and His "no will be no" and the ever consistent "Not yet my child" will be apart of my understanding of having faith like a child: simple and without question, not in need of any more detail and not feeling the need to be entitled to know what lies ahead.
May you fully trust your Heavenly Father. May you learn to pray to let go. May you let it happen, instead of making it happen. May the peace of God blow over you like a gentle breeze, and may it cause you to spread your wings and fly out of your nest of doubt, and into the arms of your Heavenly Father.

He Leadeth Me

2011-06-17T18:30:00.005-05:00

Throughout the years, I have learned that I am a very "visual" person. When I am learning something, I have to see it in order for it to truly make sense. I am appreciative of the times in which God gives me visuals to understand His word or a concept. However, there are times where I am directly involved in that "divine visual". I had such an experience a few days ago; a visual and lesson that God gave me, and it will stick with me for the rest of my life.

"And She's Off..."

It was a cool, June evening around 8:00, and I decided that the best way to spend my time at that moment would be to go on a long, hard walk. Events at work had stirred up some pretty intense emotions within me, so I was sure that "pounding the pavement" would shake the bad day right off. I laced up my shoes, and took off on a walking path/bike trail near by my apartment. I had walked it one other time with a friend, and was quite confident that I knew the way. The trail started by the library, and then ended right back in the same place, clocking in about 1 mile. As I walked I lifted up prayers to my Father, telling Him all the things that were on my heart. In the silence of the walk, I began to realize the beauty of the environment. Lush green trees, a trickling creek and the seranading of birds and frogs put my heart at ease as I felt the "bad day" fall right off of me.
A Fork in the Road
About half way through my journey, I came to a fork in the road. To my left was an unpaved path, and to my right was a paved path. My gut told me that I wanted to turn left, so I followed it, only to have it take me out to a road in town. "This can't be it!", I thought to myself. "I know that the path that we took brought us right back to the library." So I stubbornly retraced my steps, and took the other path. For the first hour, it seemed quite promising. A couple joggers passed by me, and the scenery was certainly more beautiful. Every time I hit a corner, I would think to myself "Surely this is the end of the pavement!". But after awhile, I realized that it was getting dark, and there seemed to be no end in sight. But I kept on walking, knowing that at some point this trail was going to end and bring me to my destination.
"And she's officially lost..."
As the walk grew more and more hopeless, the sky began to get dark. Despite this fact, the Lord provided in so many ways. My cell phone had full coverage, the battery lasted as long as I needed it to and there was a beautiful, bright full moon to light my path. There came a point where I knew I had to turn around, because I had no idea where I was. I knew that it would be safer to retrace my steps then to risk moving further and further to a destination that I wasn't sure was at the end of my path.
At this point, I had been walking for close to 3 hours. I was thirsty, hungry and my poor short legs were getting pretty tired. But I knew that I had a choice; and that choice was to keep moving forward, or to stop in fear. As I was presented with this choice, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear "Sarah, in order for me to direct you, you must first take a step...any step will do." It was in that moment that I realized how often I have allowed fear to prevent me from moving forward in life. In addition to this truth, I was reminded of how many times I have traveled on a path that I thought was taking me to a certain destination, but it ended up leading me to a place of uncertainty and sometimes pain. Just as my misguided journey in the woods was not a intended, it certainly wasn't a waste of time. It was through that "mistake" that the Lord impressed upon me truths that my heart needed to hear.

Additional Truths Learned From the Wayward Wanderer

We are all on a journey, filled with beautiful and dark times. It is how we choose to walk our path that determines the experience.
All of us will eventually come to "the fork in the road", whether it be in regards to a relationship, an attitude, a lifestyle or career change. One may lead to peace and one may lead to distruction, but God is our guide. He will always lead us to exactly where we need to be, at exactly the right time. Trust Him. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."-Proverbs 16:9
In order for the Lord to guide us, we must take a step forward. How can we be led if we won't move?
In times of uncertainty in our lives, we mustn't give into fear of the unknown, but rather embrace the journey, hanging tight to the truth that we are not alone.
Just because a path is paved and smooth, doesn't mean it is the right path to take. Often it is the narrow, rough graveled path that we must journey on.

My humble prayer is that my mishapped journey will speak to your heart, and serve as a bit of extra trail mix to sustain you while you walk your path. May you trust in God as your only guide, a God capable of seeing what is ahead of you, walking behind you and beside you, all at the same time.
~In closing, I would like to leave you with the lyrics of the hymn, "He Leadeth Me"~
1. He leadeth me: O blessed thought!
O words with heavenly comfort fraught!
Whate'er I do, where'er I be,
still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me.
Refrain:
He leadeth me, he leadeth me,
by his own hand he leadeth me;
his faithful follower I would be,
for by his hand he leadeth me.
2. Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom,
sometimes where Eden's bowers bloom,
by waters still, o'er troubled sea,
still 'tis his hand that leadeth me.
(Refrain)
3. Lord, I would place my hand in thine,
nor ever murmur nor repine;
content, whatever lot I see,
since 'tis my God that leadeth me.
(Refrain)
4. And when my task on earth is done,
when by thy grace the victory's won,
e'en death's cold wave I will not flee,
since God through Jordan leadeth me.
(Refrain)

Boxes of Change

2011-06-12T17:04:00.008-05:00

Why is it that change often brings about a thorough cleaning? When a person moves to a new location, they spend ample time going through boxes, dividing things into endless piles of "keep, give away, and throw away". In order for us to move forward into the new, we often times need to leave behind the old. But, before we leave behind the old, we must take time to evaluate if the "old" still has a use and a purpose. Imagine if we carried along every single physical item with us, throughout our whole lives. Many of us would need an entire house to hold all of those items. Think about all of those boxes that you have in a basement, attic or storage unit that contain items that aren't used on a regular basis. This may be because the items are of some sentimental value, are "useful" ( or at least used to be), or were so expensive to purchase, that there has to be some purpose for it!

Last weekend I had the opportunity to dive into such a project, as my mother will be moving this summer. As I sorted through all of those boxes, I found myself experiencing a range of emotions I wasn't ready for. As I paged through my sign language interpreting work books from college, I looked at my mom for an approving response to keep them. "No Sarah," she said. "That was then, this is now." It felt like a mock funeral as I threw those books and tapes in the garbage, a physical symbol that that part of my life was only apart of the journey that I'm on now.
A little bit later I came across some baby pictures, my "Cambodia Box" with all the memorabilia from that adventure, and the seven prayer journals that I have filled throughout my life. In a period of 2 hours, I saw almost my entire life laid out in boxes. Goals that I had set, and never achieved ( AKA exercise DVDs and equipment), poems I had written, photographs of experiences that I had, letters from people who have gone in and out of my life, along side a pair of earrings that I forgot I owned. As I pouted at my "give away" pile, my mother cheerfully stated "Sarah, just think of the person who will find that at Good Will! They will be so excited!". With a slight attitude, I put it back in the box, knowing full well that wonderful feeling of finding a beautiful bargain.
Our lives are filled with so much change. As I reminisced about all the changes that had taken place in my life, I was reminded of the simple yet profound truth that my relationship with Jesus Christ is the only steady, unchanging thing in my life. So often I would place value on the silliest things in this world, thinking that hanging onto those things was a means of hanging onto something more significant. In order for us to move forward in life, we must "clean house" in our lives; Sometimes this can even mean people and relationships, and that is the hardest type of "cleaning" there is.
Jesus Christ is the only person who has seen me through every single season of my life. He was along side me when I was traveling across the country, dealing with the pain of divorced parents and an absent father, "trekking out" on my own and discovering my career path. He has formed dreams in my heart, and given me the ability and knowledge to know how to pursue those dreams. Despite the fact that I have felt so alone in many of my life experiences, the truth is, He has been beside me the whole time. How I cling to this truth.
There is a popular hymn called "I Need Thee Every Hour" that has been the song of my heart.
"I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord. No tender voice like thine, can peace afford. I need thee, oh I need thee; every hour I need thee, oh bless me now my Savior, I come to thee."
May the truth of His presence in your life give you the strength to take that next step in your personal journey. May you take the time to see God's fingerprints on your life. If you are lonely, may the Lord reveal to you in a truly personal way that you are never alone. May the winds of change cause you to hang onto the steadiness of your unchanging Savior, but may He also give you the grace to be tossed and turned about, knowing that wherever you land He will guide you.

"She did what she could"

2011-05-20T18:15:00.005-05:00

I struggle with being an "all or nothing" kind of girl. I can't just eat one Oreo cookie. If I am going to make the choice to eat an Oreo cookie, you better believe it'll be more then one. I can't just clean my apartment one room at a time, spreading out tasks over a few days; I have to do it all in one fell swoop. In my relationships with people, I struggle with any sort of mediocrity on either end. I want to be fully engaged and present in a relationship, or not have it at all.
I have found that this also translates into my relationship with God. I struggle to just give Him a little of my time, or to say a quick prayer before heading out the door. When I spend time with God, I want to give Him my full, complete and uninterrupted attention.
Could it be that as human beings, there are so many things that are required of us to do, that we just want to spend our energy on those things that will make us feel or appear "successful"? As I talked to God about this possibility, I was led to a scripture which I have read a thousand times before, but this time God shed a beautiful light on such a simple passage.
Turn with me to Mark 14. This chapter tells the story of the woman who brought an alabaster jar of expensive perfume ( a years worth of wages), and anointed Jesus. After being chastised by the onlookers, Jesus spoke the following words in verses 6 and 8:
"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me... She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body before hand to prepare me for my burial."
"She did what she could". This sentence became illuminated as the Holy Spirit tenderly spoke to my heart. The truth is friends, there are many, many things that we want to do and achieve. But too often fear takes hold of us, as we struggle to even make that first step, because somewhere deep inside we have believed a lie that what we have to offer is simply not enough. You know what I just realized? That giving God our "everything" is synonymous with "doing what we can". What a beautiful truth that is!
Just as the humble woman at Bethany poured her years worth of wages on her Master, so are we to pour ourselves into trusting our Savior that not only is what we can do enough, but that we are enough. And furthermore, may we never forget that in our own ability we will never be able to apply this truth to our lives.

Dusty Inspiration

2011-05-07T18:50:00.006-05:00

This morning over a raspberry fritter and a "vanilla ice cream" flavored brewed coffee, a dear friend of mine candidly shared with me a shocking, but profound truth. "Sarah, you've lost your inspiration. How do you plan on getting it back?".
How indeed?
After I contemplated that statement, I realized how true it really is. I, Sarah Ardella Green, who has been known for getting inspired over things as simple and silly as a flavored coffee creamer, has lost her inspiration. The comforting thing about something being "lost" is that there is still the possibility that it can be found. And in this case, I know that my inspiration hasn't been stolen by anyone or anything to the point where it is irretrievable. It's just hiding under some thick dust, ready to be blown and brushed off, revealing it's true beauty and color. Yes, that's it. I picture my inspiration to be this beautiful, hand carved cherry wood hope chest, with intricate and ornate carvings of vines, crosses and delicate flowers. Then one day when life got crazy, my inspiration got shoved to the attic. And you know what happens to things that get shoved to an attic; they get forgotten until something triggers the memory that it's still there.
Well, I'm ready to dust off my inspiration and get back to "being Sarah". Not sure what that will look like or the changes that will take place. I hope it takes me somewhere new, as my current scenery is kind of drab. I have been convicted that my inspiration lies solely in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I am able to "be Sarah" when I am completely and totally submersed in my Jesus. A quote that I love is "A woman should be so close to the Lord, that a man must go through Him to get to her heart." That is the prayer of my heart. That is where my inspiration lies.

It's time.

Piercing

2011-04-28T20:25:00.003-05:00

Easter Sunday 2011 has come and gone, but my heart has been mulling over the truths that my Savior so gently reminded me of in the wee hours of the morning, before the sun had made its appearance.

5:30 in the morning is not a time that I normally get to witness in a house, much less outside. But as I stepped outside after the sunrise church service, I got to witness the sun piercing through the clouds, shooting rays of purple, pink and orange as the clouds began to part.
As I closed my eyes, I felt my heavenly Father speak to my heart, gently telling me that just like the sun through the clouds, has He pierced through the clouds and darkness in my life.
The word "pierce" is a rather weighty word. It isn't lighthearted, but rather indicates something pushing through another object in a somewhat quick, forceful and possibly painful fashion.This world is truly a dark one. It doesn't seem like we can go one day without hearing of a tragedy, encountering a lie, or something equally as painful to the human spirit. God has called us to be "in the world, but not of it." So if we live in a dark world, that would make God and God in us, the light.
As Christians, we are called to be the light in the darkness, but what about our own darkness? What about that darkness that tends to envelope our spirits from time to time, making our world smaller and narrower?
Jesus died to take away the sins of the world. That is a sentence that every single christian can say is true. It is the pinnacle point of our faith. It is a statement that entails so many things, but one of those things is the simple and yet complex fact that He has saved us from ourselves.
Without Jesus, I don't really care to live. To only have the reality of turning into myself, or into the empty ways of the world, isn't enough for me. I know myself fairly well. When I'm turned to myself, it's not a pretty picture. Every fault that I have, every insecurity, every fear and every hurt come full circle, and have no place to break free.
It isn't a wonder that suicide rates continue to rise. When money, relationships, successful jobs and personal fulfillment is all that a person has to hang on to, there is absolutely no hope. But by living for Jesus and acknowledging His perfection in our lives, we can cast ourselves aside and allow Him to pierce through our personal darkness just as the nails pierced through His hands, and the sun pierces through the clouds.

May this truth pierce through your soul and pin your heart to the light and hope of this world, and the world to come.

Falling Apart=Falling Together

2011-04-16T18:34:00.010-05:00

I'm not exactly sure where I got this blog post topic. Usually some event or something said triggers me to write, but this time, I think it was purely just the Holy Spirit. It appears that He has something to say, so I'm going to do my best to write what He tells me to. I have always referred to my parents divorce, as well as the events that preceded and followed it, to be the time where things "fell apart". To "fall apart" indicates that something was supposed to go a certain way, and didn't. That some divine order was messed up, or somewhere, there was a "ball dropped". Obviously sin is what causes the verb of "falling apart", but I think that God is showing me that things needed to "fall apart" in order to "fall together".
Isn't this just like God? He is mysterious, unchanging, and unpredictable, and yet His promises, His faithfulness and His love are the only thing that we can depend upon in this life. If things never fell apart, would I still view God as being God? It is a comforting thought to know that from the moment I was born, God knew exactly what kind of events would happen in my life. Why is it that we view the concept of having things "together" in life as being something that is supposed to happen? Is it the pain that we experience when things "fall apart" that lead us to believe that this is unnatural, and that something has been disturbed on the "planet of I"?
The popular country song "God bless the broken road" comes to mind. "Every long lost road, led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were just northern stars. Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms..." This song shares my convictions of how God often allows things to fall apart, because in all actuality, they weren't "together". It is just our human perspective that views if things are really together or not. We determine that, but as Christians, God determines how things must unfold to come together, because our lives only come together under the realization of the fact that we serve a God who unfolds things for reasons and in ways we don't understand. May you come to the personal understanding in your walk with Christ that "falling apart"is necessary for God to truly bring together His plan and purpose for our life.

May you never find yourself in a state of arrogance, thinking that the "detours of life" and pain is a byproduct of disorder, but may you have a peace that the God of order is behind it all, putting everything together in the way He intends. His good, pleasing and perfect will for His children.

Perfect Pitch for a Purpose

2011-04-12T20:39:00.010-05:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I have had huge dreams of being a famous, wellknown successful singer with a record deal, a tour bus and a sound man. Throughout the years I have entertained entering "Make it or break it" opportunities like American Idol, the Christian Artist Talent Search, state fair competitions, all in an effort to "make it big". After all, God has blessed me with a talent and ability to sing, minister and entertain people in a variety of settings. Since I didn't want to be a choir director or a vocalist instructor, I was sure that God had a fantastic plan for my voice.
But as the years went by, there was always some road block to reaching that dream. Usually it was lack of resources, but I knew deep down that it simply wasn't the Lord's plan for my life. This used to frustrate and confuse me, but as of today, that is no longer a true statement. Throughout the insecurity of my adolescent years, I thought that my voice was all I had to offer the world. Singing was something that I could do, and do well. I couldn't play sports ( I actually ran away from the basketball in Jr. High P.E. class), and didn't seem to ever really "fit in" to my environments due to my being "older than my age". It wasn't that I was an outcast; I had a lot of different friends, and was always the outgoing leader, but I often experienced feelings of lonliness because while my friends tended to care about their latest "crush" or making a team sport, I was more concerned with learning about different religions, cultures and filling my notebooks with original stories and poems.
Those of you who know me personally know that I am the director of activities at senior campus in Minnesota. While I pretty much manage and run all the aspects of the activity department, I spend half of my work day working exclusively with our memory care residents (senior citizens diagnosed with Alzheimers disease.) I am constantly using my singing voice with them. I am able to pull old tunes that they know by heart off the top of my head, on pitch and on key. For many of them, singing those old songs is the only bridge that I have to their heart. This afternoon I took 4 of my residents outside to enjoy the beautiful spring weather. As we sat on the porch, watching the cars go by, we belted out everything from "America the Beautiful " to "Daisy, Daisy" and a few classic hymns. After awhile, I turned to them, and asked them if they ever got tired of my singing. They all looked at me and several of them said almost unanimously "Sarah, we love it when you sing for us!". It was in that moment that I realized why God has given me the gift that He had. Little did I know that instead of reaching the masses of individuals and traveling across country, I would be in a small town, sharing my voice with the same 12 people every day...and that every day, was a new opportunity to hear those songs, because most of their short term memory spans never last more then 15 minutes!
To put an even more beautiful spin on God's plan, it represents how the Lord's mercies are new every morning. That our sin and humanity has caused a kind of "memory loss" of His goodness, and every morning we get a new song, as if we've heard it for the first time. God's plan truly is perfect, isn't it? When we submit our talents, desires, hopes and dreams to Him, He uses them in exactly the way He intended them to be used from the start. When we throw up our hands and say "O.k. Lord, lead the way"...Guess what, He actually does that! Ever since I was a little girl I have been able to sing songs off the top of my head with perfect pitch and right on key. Little did I know what big plans God had for that gift. Little did I know, until today.

Praying for Closed Doors

2011-04-02T19:11:00.004-05:00

A closed door can represent a myriad of different feelings for people. A closed door that is securely locked can represent being safe, and a door that slams shut and closes in your face can represent emotional pain and disappointment. Something God has been teaching me lately is that instead of praying for open doors, it is wise to pray for the appropriate doors to close. The more I journey in this life, the more I realize how this life really isn't about me.That when we truly submit ourselves to the Lord, the adventure is totally thrilling and the novel that He is writing is truly a page turner. When we desire what He desires for us, those closed doors become a blessing; almost an answered prayer.

Our God will not permanently close doors without a purpose, but it is merely a means of leading us to through the right doors, at the right time. As a single woman, I have viewed dating as being a door that opens and closes, with no lock. However, marriage to me represents a closed door. After that ring is put on my finger and that commitment of "till death do us part" is spoken, that door is locked. Therefore, God has shown me that it is the closed door that will bring peace. Not just in love, but in every other area of our lives. A job, a home, etc. In the past, I've gotten really frustrated, discouraged and somewhat annoyed by the closed doors in my life. But as my desires conform to His desires, it has given me a brand new perspective.

For just as much as I have been praying for closed doors, I have been praying for an open heart. An open heart that is willing to receive whatever my Heavenly Father chooses to put in my path.

Things That Make Me Happy

2011-03-23T19:19:00.004-05:00

As I was brainstorming writing topics on my way home today, I realized how serious my posts have been lately. So, in an effort to try to lift my spirits a bit and to give my readers something "light" to read, I hope it inspires you to list and remember the things that make YOU happy as well. :)

Spending good, quality time with a dear friend

Singing and listening to old hymns

Sunshine

Witnessing a rainbow after a storm

Rasberry flavored coffee

Singing in general

Looking at paintings

A baby's giggle

The color turquoise

Writing

Celtic Women music

Chocolate chip cookies, fresh out of the oven

A good thunderstorm

Pink jelly beans

Cute shoes that are ON SALE!

Philosophy perfume

A book that is so good, I finish it in a week

Puppies

Kittens

Jammies that have been tumbling in the dryer

Inspirational messages on mugs, plaques, walls, etc.

Anne of Green Gables

Fresh Flowers

The ocean

Brownies

My mom

The Surrender Prayer

2011-03-22T06:52:00.005-05:00

Throughout the different seasons of my life, God seems to give me specific Bible verses to cling to; verses that are filled with meaning and reminders of His promises with each bend and twist of the road.
This past year, that Bible verse has been Isaiah 55:6,8-9

"Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near..."for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Only a Christian could find such comfort in these verses, for it is a truth that is entirely out of our grasp strictly in the realm of our humanity. As human beings, it is a hard thing for us to understand that the ways, thoughts and timing of an unseen higher power are "higher" than ours; not only that, but in order to experience the peace that these verses have to offer, we must surrender. We are constantly trying to make sense of everything in this world, whether it be tragedy, science, money or relationships. Without surrender to Jesus Christ, we adapt this philosophy that as human beings, we have the right to understand why things are the way the are, and be able to control or influence that which doesn't make sense.
Oh the compassion I feel for the unbeliever and believers alike, who instead of taking comfort in the fact that as human beings God has an understanding and a purpose behind how things unfold in this world, they are constantly trying to control and make sense of their environment, running in a constant circle of pride and fear. A verse from the famous hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus" comes to mind. "Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer."
A prayer that I say and apply on a daily basis is "the serenity prayer". Actually, I have decided to personally rename this prayer "The surrender prayer", because the entire prayer is about surrendering to the fact that without Jesus, I am unable to "accept the things I cannot change, have the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Today and always, may you surrender to the higher ways and thoughts of our Lord Jesus Christ. May you experience the refreshing peace that the limitations of our humanity give us, and rest in His mysterious and holy ways.

Is Your "Normal", Normal?

2011-03-19T19:18:00.005-05:00

What is normal? It's been said that "normal" is only a setting on a washer, and that quote isn't too far from the truth. The concept of "normal" is subjective to each individual, but somehow we manage to contrive a rather vague image of what "normal" should be.

For those of us who have grown up in a home that is affected by the disease of addiction (Alcoholism being only one of the many family addictions) our "normal" usually is dysfunctional, whether we know that to be true or not. Severe addictions in a family line ( such as alcoholism) is a family disease. Family members involved in such scenarios often learn ways of responding to their environment that seem incredibly "normal", but in all actuality, are not.
How do I know this? Because I am a part of that category. Throughout my life, I have learned different elements to this truth, but recently have been faced with a very different dimension. This is the "relationship dimension". I have found myself in several dysfunctional scenarios, and with this last one, I finally asked myself "why?". Why would I even entertain wanting to be with someone who doesn't have the capability to give me what I need, is selfish, and has been hurtful to me (but doesn't desire to be), when there are other men that have entered my life that have shown me the complete opposite? What is this seemingly natural drive to want to be in dysfunctionality, and fore go that which I need to grow, heal and thrive as a woman of Christ?
So many women find themselves wanting to "fix" the men in their lives. That somehow, you have a role in helping them "see the light", become a "better man", etc. while it is true that God is capable of doing such a thing through us in our relationships with men, it is not our job. Just because it is something we are comfortable with, does not mean that it is good for us.
And I've also learned that even women who are strong Christians and have a committed relationship with Christ; women who have read all the books, gone to all the seminars and have led Bible studies, and maybe even mentored other women, still don't get it. The "normal" that they know has just been spiritualized, not understood.
How many of us have women in our lives that keep going back to that same "loser", after he's beaten her, verbally abused you, cheated on her, and/or robbed her of her time, resources, and most of all, love? We sit back and don't understand it. But friends, I'm here to tell you, it's time to understand this. It's time to start to learn why women (and men) do these things. Instead of being shocked, dumb founded, and even annoyed, we need to start learning why.
So whether you are a hopeful victim of a family addiction disease, or have loved ones who are, we must plead to our heavenly Father to show us the truth. The truth in the midst of the lies of what is "normal". The lies that chaos means sanity, that love means selfishness, and that it is more important to "take care of" and "minister to" the needs of those who have victimized us. We must lay those people at the feet of Jesus, believing that He has their pain in the palm of His hands, but also believing that we too, belong at His feet, as our pain is just as important as theirs.
I have a lot of learning to do. It's going to take some time to continue to re-teach myself a new kind of "normal". It's actually quite a daunting reality when it's all you've ever known. But that is where the ever present hope in Jesus comes in. Without Him, I will fail in this process, but with Him, I will become all that He wants me to be, and will engage in life giving relationships that align with this promise.

Divorce: It isn't Hereditary or Genetic

2011-03-18T18:50:00.006-05:00

It seems like people in this world are constantly blaming their choices and behavior on their family genetics. While there are legitimate things that fall under the genetics/hereditary category ( health problems such as diabetes, dementia and heart disease would be a few examples) While there are many learned behaviors that we acquire throughout life, so often we forget that we actually have a choice in the matter.Since I was about 14, I've been very aware of those statistics of children who come out of divorce. Basically those statistics state that it is likely that the child will repeat history, and will be doomed to the curse of dysfunctional relationships and divorce.

Throughout my teenage years and now into my mid 20's, I've been faced with the choice of whether or not I'm going to believe that because I am a product of a divorced family, I am doomed in every relationship that I am in, because of the "curse" that rides on our family like a scarlet letter, or choose to believe that as a child of Christ, I have the power and ability to overcome those statistical realities, trusting that God will heal this area of my life and lead me to the man, marriage and family that my heart so desires.

I choose the latter option.
Satan wants nothing more then for God's children to live in fear, and to chalk up the choices of other people as being our "fate". He wants nothing more then for us to try to control our environments, decisions and relationships based on "what we came from". If you are a child of a divorced family, the only different thing that you need to do is educate yourself. Make yourself available to the tools available. Mentorship with an older Christian, pouring yourself into books on Godly marriage, attending Bible studies and seminars on what it means to continue to develop into the future husband or wife that God intends you to be; these are all tools that are needed.
My mother has said on more then one occasion that the answer and cure to anxiety and fear is information. When we understand what is out there, the choices we have to make, etc., it makes the fear and anxiety shrink. But more then this, believing in a God who creates miracles on a daily basis; a God who constantly takes broken, smashed hearts and mends them with His love and promises.

May you not fall prey to the lies of the devil, cleverly disguised as statistics and wisdom of this world. May you rely and trust in a God who can overcome the realities of family curses, and bring hope, healing and restoration in a way that is only possible through Him.

Disarrayed Soul=Disarayed Life

2011-03-12T13:46:00.008-06:00

I have never been an organized or "neat" person. I have always struggled with the concept of making my bed in the morning, and hanging up all my clothes once I'm done wearing them. Somehow life always gets away from me, and what was once one coffee mug in my car multiplies to three. It seems that no matter what area I regularly inhabit, the same nasty habits follow me wherever I go. When I was on tour with the Continentals, I regularly left at least one thing behind at host homes, even after I "combed" the place out. My family will tell you that they know when I've been there, because I leave a trail of bobby pins.
I had always thought that my messiness was a result of being lazy or tired. However, I had become so overwhelmed and busy with life, that it took being sick and isolated to get me to really let things go, and "be still". Doing this when your apartment is in a disarrayed mess was a rather harsh reminder of how much I have neglected myself. My car is the same way. It desperately needs to be cleaned, but those two things are areas that I just haven't paid attention to. I read a quote in a book that I'm reading ("Let Me be a Woman" by Elizabeth Elliot). The quote went something like this " The condition of our environments is a reflection of the condition of our souls". That truth hit me like a ton of bricks. That quote was an exact representation of my life right now. I just can't help but wish I was one of those "anal cleaners" who have a disarrayed soul, but an immaculate house, and are very organized. Ha ha!
All this time I thought that my messy habits were simply that: messy habits. But recently God has shown me that it is only a symptom that has resulted out of the condition of my soul. The deeper I dove into this, the more I realized why indeed He allowed me to be smacked with so many annoying physical ailments. It was a rather painful way of Him intervening to show me the pain that I was harboring; the mess in my soul. In a sense, living in this chaotic, messy environment has convicted me of the fact that if I'm willing to live in this, what would stop me from being willing to put up with the same thing within my heart?
God is a God of order, complete control and peace. Most of my life has been anything but those adjectives. Could it be that chaos, disorder and dysfunctionality is what I am comfortable with? Is it so much a part of me, that it took being knocked on my butt to realize how dysfunctional parts of my life have become? the answer is a resounding YES. Once again, I view this blog as a ministry; as a "heart to heart "chat with a good friend over a cup of coffee in a cozy cafe. I risk my vulnerability with you. I desire to be transparent, so that my genuine honesty can be used to HIS glory, and will speak into the lives of my readers. I hope that sharing this fact about myself has fulfilled that.Now, the question that remains for me is this: How do I gain peace and organization within my soul? The answer is: Jesus. However, I know that the application portion of that answer is a titch more complicated then that. So, hence the journey continues. A journey that I didn't really realize I was on, until I was smacked with an abscessed tooth, upper respiratory infection and gastric intestinal yuckiness. The things it takes for God to get our attention! Oofta.
May the God of peace and order act as a broom to sweep out anything that isn't to be in your life. May you turn to Him to give you the strength to overcome your weaknesses, and to lean on His grace, which is our only hope. May you have a greater understanding of what it means to do "spring cleaning" in your heart, and have the courage to throw away things that are taking up unnecessary space. May the cobwebs in the corners of your life be swept out, and may you not run too far when you encounter those spiders along the way.

God bless you all!

Big and Small, God Covers it All

2011-03-09T13:08:00.004-06:00

As I sit in my thoughts, grateful for the fact that I have been able to stomach two glasses of ginger ale and a banana and a half (stupid flu bug!), I feel as if God is intentionally making me stay put in order for Him to really get my attention; to really teach me things that I need to learn. I think I'm past the irritation of the dent that my "paid time off" account is going to take after dealing with all of these sicknesses, and trying to embrace the stillness and the quiet time to read, write and pray. I have been reminded that it is more than my physical body that needs some healing.
About two months ago, I moved into my new apartment. After months of living in basements, a crazy person's house and an attic, I finally have found a place to call my own. However, the apartment that I've moved into was abandoned and left a complete disaster. I was able to negotiate the security deposit with my landlord if I cleaned and painted everything. Little by little, things are coming together, but life has gotten in the way, as life tends to do. Between some emotional and physical hardships and a 40 hour a week job, my "home" hasn't really gotten put together.Last Sunday, a dear friend of mine asked me how my apartment was coming along. I was honest with her, telling her that most of the painting isn't finished and I'm struggling to find the time and energy to make my apartment into a home. She assured me that she would come and finish the rest of the painting while I was at work. Absolutely grateful for this generous offer, I told her I'd leave my apartment unlocked.
When I got back from work that day, there were two little angels with wings and paint brushes; but as I looked closer, I noticed a bunch of little "touches" in my kitchen. New pot holders, a candle, some dishes and a sweet little prayer book. Then as I went into my newly painted "barely turquoise "bedroom, I was surprised and amazed to see a brand new bed comforter, curtains, towels for my bathroom, a rug, a shower curtain, a piece of art for my wall...and other little "touches" that would help make my apartment a home. After they had both gone, I opened up my fridge to retrieve the milk for my regular dinner of honey bunches of oats, only to find my fridge absolutely stocked with fresh veggies, fruits, coffee creamer, homemade soup, cheese, bread, etc. Just as they painted my walls, touched up my house, and stocked my fridge, so was God doing the same to my weary heart.
Words cannot express what this act of kindness has meant to me. I was drowning in so many things, and here God brings two wonderful women into my life to come along side me, and help me do what I simply cannot do for myself right now. I am in a season of life where I simply don't have the money for "home touches", and rather am lucky if I can successfully afford getting a pair of glasses or making my car payment for the month. In my weariness of "20 something,single and broke", God understood my need and once again met it with such hand crafted love.Prior to receiving that amazing gift, I had received some very promising news/ encouragement from my boss. Basically she told me that the "head honchos" of our company are extremely happy with the work I am doing, and are going to be relying on me a lot to give them direction on how to make our memory care community top notch. Not only that, but they assured my boss that when our community is full and profiting, I will be able to work in memory care on a full time basis.
Praise the Lord!I tell you all of this in an effort to communicate that if God can take care of little things with "Barely Turquoise" paint, a stocked fridge and positive assurance that you are where you need to be and that He is pleased with the work you are doing, can He not handle those bigger issues that keep up awake at night, wake us up in the wee hours of the morning and take residence in our hearts and minds, fighting hard to make us worry and harbor anxiety for the unknown and the uncontrollable? Friends, our Heavenly Father truly does care about all of the details of our lives. Nothing in our lives is "small" to Him. If it affects His babies, it's a big deal to Him too.

True Beauty. True Ugly.

2011-03-09T09:25:00.007-06:00

As a 24 year old woman and an activity director for senior citizens, I feel as if I have a very interesting, unique perspective on the concept of beauty. In many ways, my occupation has helped me come to peace with my own struggles and insecurities with my physical appearance. I know I have written on the beauty that comes with age in other posts, but I am hoping this post will have a slightly different angle to it.On a daily basis, I am surrounded with true beauty and true ugly. When your skin is wrinkly and sagging, your hair is thinning or pure white, when you can't see, hear or walk very well; let me tell you, true beauty and true ugly is very apparent.

The World War 2 generation was an era of frugality, hardship, hard work, and simplicity. People and relationships were valued over material possessions, and beauty and love were understood by such acts as men going to war for their country and women remaining faithful in their duties as a wife, mother and homemaker, despite how she "felt" or whether or not it was "fair". It just simply was. Flash forward to today, and love and beauty is rarely found in such concepts. I find it extremely important to personally take a stand against what our current cultural definition of beauty is. Don't get me wrong; I'm not against doing what one can do to look "nice and put together". I have always believed that it is a good thing to do what we can to be the "best version of ourselves". But what I have learned, is that with age, this concept ebbs and flows.However, it doesn't matter what generation you were born in, the concept of "true beauty, true ugly" carries through humanity. When the true heart and soul of an individual is being masked by hard work, a successful job, a great body, flawless hair, money or intellectual smarts (just to name a few), the natural progression of life begins to peel away all those things, leaving a person exposed. It is this very fact that should be a "wake up" call to all of us. In a society that demands that we spend nearly every waking hour "bettering" ourselves, notice how very little of those acceptable methods have anything to do with bettering our internal beauty? It's a foreign concept, and if it is even slightly understood, it's turned into a legalistic "to do" in order to further that unobtainable beauty that society deems as the "ideal".I am going to tell you a story about 3 different residents in an effort to give evidence to this personal belief.

Resident #1: "Classy""Classy" is a beautiful, put together woman in her early 80's. She was born into money, she married money, and is by far one of the most physically attractive women in her age group. She is very cultured and elegant, but one of the worst behaved women I know. She almost preys upon the differences of others, and anything that is different or threatening in any way, gets a turned up nose and a nasty comment. What is ironic is that a woman who has been blessed with so many cultural experiences and the means to live a "full life" has turned into a close minded,arrogant fearful person. She may still look good now, but I fear what kind of an individual she will be when she loses so many of those things that she prides herself in. Evidence has shown that what will be left, will be "truly ugly".

Resident #2: "Sweetheart""Sweetheart" is in her late 90's and can barely see, walk, or hear. She struggles with pain from sitting too long, but struggles with pain when she tries to walk. However, whenever you see her, she is dressed to the nine. Her hair and nails are always done, and she is always wearing a beautiful shade of pink or purple. She has memorized poetry that she has previously written, and recites them with love and pride; poetry about her family, her faith in God and her love for nature. She has an attitude and contentment that most of us could only hope to obtain. She truly is a "true beauty".
Resident #3: "Jezebel"Ok, so, that is a bit of a harsh fictional name for this woman, but if you met her, you'd realize that this isn't really too far from the truth. "Jezebel" is 96, smarter than a whip, does use a walker but literally whips around the corners and walks faster than I do at times, sews non-stop for mission organizations and can see and hear practically perfectly for a woman her age; however, we have had people who have not moved into our senior community, because she lives there. no kidding. She is the rudest, meanest, most selfish person I have met in my life thus far. She also preys upon the weaknesses of others, shows no grace, compassion and understanding to anyone. She takes control over anything and everything, not knowing that she does these things because she knows that eventually, she won't have the control that she does. And, I think that deep down inside, she may realize that very little will be left when she does. She is "true ugly".Now I ask you, what will be left of you when you don't have a car, don't have a fully functioning body, don't have your spouse, don't have your job, can't see, hear, read, or even talk? Hopefully that question will cause you to search deeply within yourself, and outwardly to your Heavenly Father.
Friends, now, now is the time to start evaluating and investing where your personal beauty lies. Don't fall for the traps of the millions of masks that are given to us to hide our inner beauty. What takes place within will eventually become external. Trust me. I firmly believe that when Christ is dwelling within, He shines through us; past all of the distractions of who we really are.

Through the Horror, He is Holy

2011-03-04T09:29:00.007-06:00

With a cup of coffee in hand and a peaceful heart, I don't even know where to begin this post; however, I know I must begin somewhere. God has clearly laid it on my heart to communicate something in "my little corner of the world" (AKA, this blog).
Tears come to my eyes as it all slowly sinks it. I am grateful for the concept of "sinking in". Imagine if everything that God needed to teach us just hit our system like an electric shock; instant, effective and most likely, unwelcome to our humanity. But our Heavenly Father loves us and knows us better than we know ourselves; as such, His lessons and His leading comes in gradually, like the perfect timing of an accomplished orchestra. The music wouldn't have the same sound if the flute, violin, oboe and piano came in at the same time. It is the precise timing that makes it beautiful.I have been deeply hurt. We have all been hurt at one point or another, whether it be physically, emotionally or spiritually. But this morning, at this exact time, I have come to the realization how deep some of the hurt really is. Within the last three months, I have been experiencing a grieving season that I've never experienced before. Death "close to home" hasn't really been a part of my life thus far. Working in geriatrics, death and "end of life" moments are plentiful, but in my own personal life, I haven't had to experience a whole lot of grieving of individuals. Not until now.

In my grieving process, I have wanted to just be plain angry. As I would talk to Papa in my prayers, it would sound something like this: "But God, they hurt me! Can't I feel something different for them? Something other than this deep love, compassion and understanding? Why can't this be about me, about how I feel, about this deep pain that I'm going through?". I've had many, many conversations like this with Papa, and each time He takes His hand, places it on my heart and leaves it there. The power of His hand on my heart has been the visual that has helped me understand that it is because of Him in me that I am able to remain In His love, and love those who have hurt me.

I am in complete and utter amazement at how God has communicated to me and met me in my grief and pain. He has truly given me His eyes to see and receive Him and all His goodness. If you are a regular follower of my blog, you will know that I've written several posts on His communication to me through the book "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom. In addition to this book, the Lord has led me to read and finish "The Shack" by WM. Paul Young. In both of these books, forgiveness and freedom of the soul are ongoing themes. Both of these books were not read with the intent to find out this information, but simply just entered into the picture.

Friends, our lives are not our own. I know that I've written about this concept before, but it is becoming more and more clear to me with each passing day. In this world, absolutely nothing will make sense, hold any worth or value or represent any form of sanity if we view our lives as being ours. As God's children, our lives are His. God does not represent sanity to this world in any way, shape or form. How can they when God's ways involve the mass genocide of millions of individuals for their faith, or that they were an unwanted life? How can God represent sanity when His own children who desire to lead others to Christ, are raping individuals of their innocence and fulfilling their own lustful desires? What sanity is there in a God who allows children to become orphans, lovers to become widows and parents to lose their children?
Amazingly enough, by God's grace and His Holy spirit working through my heart, I am for the first time seeing the complete and utter sanity behind such horrific realities. I am beginning to see that as God's child, it is purely a matter of trusting Him that through the horror, He is Holy. That through the confusion, He is clear. That in the times we are questioning Him, He has all the answers, and that that is truly enough.
So I stand in the present alongside those who have gone before me with a new understanding of the One who delivers us, leads us and loves us. I pray that you will find that peace, and that through His spirit working in you, forgiveness will abound and your spiritual eyes will open to all that our Heavenly Father has to show you, His beloved and precious child.

Faith for the Physical

2011-03-01T06:22:00.004-06:00

Right at this moment, it is 6:23 on a Tuesday morning. I had one of those "one hour earlier than anticipated" internal alarm clock moments. At first these internal wake up calls were getting on my nerves, as I would have just really preferred to sleep an extra hour before having to face what would most likely be a busy, chaotic full day; However, they have become more frequent, and I am slowly getting the point that I think that God has something to do with this.
I like the idea of God waking me up to start my day. It's far more appealing then the incessant chime of my cell phone alarm clock. An alarm clock wakes me up to face the day, but having God wake me up is kind of like walking downstairs in my bathrobe to see my mom making a pot of coffee, with a "Good morning sweetheart!" and a warm hug. It's personal, intimate, and exactly what I need.
At this time in my life, I am going through what could be described as a "rough patch". I've been through "gravel in the shoe" and "lost in the woods" moments before, but this one is unlike any that I have experienced before. It's an incessant pang in my spirit that is constantly present, drawing me closer to my heavenly Father. I'm quite certain that that is why He has allowed me to experience this difficult time.
When a young child skins her knee, or her best friend turns against her and trades her in for a "cooler"friend, what do you think would be some of the emotions that would result from such physical and emotional blows? My personal answer to this would be to cry, and want to be held.

On my commute to work yesterday morning, I told God that I needed to be held. I felt totally silly saying that out loud. How could a spiritual being "hold me"? Would it be the same as experiencing the strong and safe embrace of a man, or the tender touch of my mother? And yet, those were the words that came to mind, and out of my mouth.

I am learning that a very key and yet difficult piece of having faith in God is having faith for the physical needs. Our physical needs directly connect to our spiritual and emotional needs as well; they are simply a symptom of a greater need. Telling God that I "needed to be held" meant so much more than a need in the physical realm, which I was unaware of at that time. But isn't that just like our Heavenly Father? He knows exactly what we need, when we need it, and what a comfort when in our humanity, we only know a small snippet of why we have that need?
Since telling Jesus what my need was, I have felt this serene peace. Although I can't feel a physical embrace, the truth is, I needed far more than what a physical embrace could provide. and of course, He knew that. My prayer for all of you is that upon reading this post, you won't think to yourself "wow, she's really brave to share this with the world!", but rather, would be encouraged to share your own needs in total trust and vulnerability to your Heavenly Father. It is only in our vulnerability that we can experience the peace that comes from complete transparency.
May you have the courage to have that transparency with Jesus and those in your life, and have the peace of knowing that He knows your deepest needs, and will meet them in the deepest, most beautiful ways.

No Safe Places

2011-02-17T15:02:00.006-06:00

Don't you just love it when God "shows up"? If you want to get technical, God always shows up in His world and to His children, but I am referring to those times where God clearly reveals Himself through something in particular, or in a specific place. I have recently blogged about how God has been clearly speaking and revealing Himself to me through a book that I'm reading to my residents at a program at work. The book "The Hiding Place" was pulled off of my bookshelf to read to them "for such a time as this". In the book, we are coming to the beginning of the hardship that the Jews experienced during World War 2, an event that never fails to help me put my personal hardships into perspective. As I read through the chapter, I eventually came upon the following quote:

"There are no 'if's' in God's world. And no placess that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety - let us pray that we may always know it!"— Corrie ten Boom (The Hiding Place)

Have you ever considered the truth of this quote? As I moved on with the chapter, my heart kept mulling over the power of that quote. I had never considered that the only "safe" place was in the center of God's will. If a person is in the midst of a natural disaster, they will run for some kind of shelter or do whatever they can to protect themselves. But what if being in that natural disaster is being in the center of God's will? Is it really a safe place to be when everything around you is threatening to take away any sense of safety? The answer is: yes.
This truth gives me a deep comfort, but an odd pang in my stomach. It goes along with the solid truth that as Christians, our lives are not our own. We have been created by a creator for His purposes. To acknowledge such a thing is to be our life and is to transform every single perspective that we aquire as human beings. This original quote was spoken by Corrie Tenboom's sister, Betsy, after Corrie almost died by running into a 10 inch piece of metal that had broken off of something during an air raid. If a woman who is in the midst of one of the greatest hardships and tragedies of our time can speak such truth and have such faith, what stops us from doing this in our day to day lives?

Instead, we protect ourselves. We seek those "safe" places, which can take many different forms. They can be relationships, physical locations and certain decisions that we make, just to name a few. When our emotional, physical or spiritual safety is threatened, we seek a safe place; a place where we can be left alone, a place that is familiar, a place where there is little to no chance of experiencing any danger. If we could only grasp that there is no such place. That even those places pose danger, all be it not all the time, or right away. That even in those places of safety, we are vulnerable to intense pain and experiences that leave us questioning if there really is a safe place.

The lyrics to the old worship song "You are my Hiding Place" states this truth beautifully."You are my hiding place, you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance, whenever I am afraid. I will trust in you, I will trust in you, let the weak say "I am strong", in the shadow of your wings."
As children of God ( or my new favorite name for Him, "Papa") we are always safe. As we cling to Him, He keeps us in the center of His will. When we listen for His voice, He gently whispers His reassurance of the fact that He is alive and present in our lives. That even in the midst of pain, tragedy, uncertainty and injustice, we are safe. May this truth resonate in your heart, and prompt you to extend your hand to an unseen God as He leads you and keeps you safe in the shelter of His mighty hand.

Living in Grace is Learning to Live

2011-02-09T21:53:00.005-06:00

What is the difference between living and surviving? Sadly, so many people view living and surviving as the same thing, but the truth is that they mean two different things. To survive implies a "released into the world on one's own devices" mentality; "The survival of the fittest", doing what it takes to remain physically alive, where "living" implies that step beyond simply surviving. In our broken world, so many people only know how to survive, rather than how to live. Ever heard that popular phrase "Live a little"? It is a phrase that is often directed at people who are viewed as rigid "fuddy duds" who are more concerned about following the rules and playing it safe, then "letting loose" and having a good time.
I used to view the concept of grace as mainly applying to those people who colored outside the lines. Those people who consistently made poor choices, but hid behind "cheap grace". But the more years that I live on this earth, I have come to realize that just for the mere fact that we are alive warrants our desperate need for grace. That even when our intentions seem honorable, our choices are made out of what we believe to be the right inclinations, or we are trying to be completely selfless in a situation, we sin. Although sin can often be intentional, it is also the unintentional sin that is in need of grace. It is through our humanity that God proves His majesty.
It seems to me that in the realm of humanity, there are two kinds of people. The people who think that by coloring inside the lines, they won't have a need for grace, because nothing"wrong" has been done, and those who color outside the lines think that that is their way of expressing their choices and even if it is wrong and distructive, God's grace is there to color them back into the lines. Both acknowledge grace, but neither of them understands grace through God's perspective design; they only understand through the selfish perspective that caters to their human understanding.
When we experience the grace of God, we are reminded of how desperately we are in need of a Savior. By just being alive, just existing as a human being, we are in need of grace. It draws us back to the truth that God has created His children for His purposes. We are not merely puppets on a string, but by His Holy Spirit we are guided through the existance of living in grace.

Falling Short

2011-02-04T21:06:00.005-06:00

The phrase "falling short" is not connected to very many positive connotations. I don't know a single person who likes to "fall short" of anything, whether it be a skill, money, an obligation, a relationship, etc. When we "fall short", we tend to view it as another way to say "failure".
God's creativity of speaking to us never ceases to amaze me. As of late, one of the ways He's been consistently speaking to me about my utter need and dependence of Him in all things have been some new and challenging aspects to my job. From the beginning of my time at Twin Rivers, I was always feelings like I was falling short in some area, because I was juggling so many balls at one time; one was bound to drop somewhere, and trust me, they did. Now that I have an assistant and a pay raise, (two blessings that I am in constant gratitude for) things in my work life have been taking a positive turn, but have proven to have some very new and challenging dynamics. I always leave my office feeling like somehow I fell short in at least one area, only to quickly remind myself that as one person juggling three different areas in 40 hours a week, I will fall short. It's just part of the package deal.

A lesson that God is constantly teaching and reteaching me, is that in my own strength, I do fall short. In my own abilities, I will only see past and understand things to a certain point. That despite my title of "activity director", there are many times where I feel as if I can barely direct myself to the next step. Recently, God has been teaching me in a very real way that my utter dependence on Him is key in the concept of simply living and doing. That as a human being, God actually designed me to fall short, because if I never fell short, I would never fall into Him. It's such a beautiful reminder that I have not been put on this earth for my pleasures and self gratification, but for His.

Friends, remember that when you "fall short" in any area of your life, it is a blessing. It reminds us of what we truly are, and who God is. I don't know about you, but I get pretty sick of me. I'm thankful that through Christ, this fumbling woman who is constantly falling short never falls short of her Savior... and thank goodness.

Poetry for Papa

2011-02-04T20:46:00.004-06:00

I can feel you pulling me closer

I can hear your voice and see your hand

Slowly, I begin to understand

My life is not mine own, to you I belong

The melody of your grace is my life, my song

I am completely yours, forever this will be

In my pain, it is you I seek

Your creativity of love leaves me weak

and in my weaknesses the truth is clear

that in the midst of all my wandering, you are always near

Trusting you is becoming my life

Trusting you in the midst of pain, agony and strife

In my own strength, I will fail

but your love and faithfulness continue to prevail

So Papa, into your lap I crawl

Trusting you with it all.

A Valentine from God

2011-01-31T20:50:00.004-06:00

Tonight as I was sifting through my collection of blank cards and stationary, I came across this beautiful "Valentine from Jesus" that was given to me years ago. Every time I read it I cling closer to the truths and promises of God's extravagant and eternal love for His children. May this Valentine bless your heart, and prep your spirit as the month in which we celebrate love and relationships is right around the corner.

My Beloved (insert your name here)

You are my dearest and most loved posession. My heart is filled to the point of bursting with my affection for you. I've longed for nothing more than to hold you in my arms since the moment I first laid eyes on you, that day I fell in love with you. I can remember seeing your eyes for the first time, as they sparkled brightly. You have grown and changed so much from that first moment. I recall the many times you've spoken to me, telling me your hopes, dreams and desires. I remember the hard times too, my precious. Comforting you and wiping away your tears as my heart broke with your own. Do you remember when you first found me? I do, it was the most wonderful moment I have ever known. Since that day you have only grown in beauty. I am proud to call you my own. Your name is engraved on my hands and I have written it in my book forever. I have claimed you with my very life and I will defend you against any harm that comes your way. How can I begin to describe to you how much I love you, and what you mean to me?

I know every thought that has ever entered your mind dearest. I know what you have been thinking and what has been surrounding you this time of year. Above all, I want you to know how much I love you. I will never, ever let you down. When your best friends don't seem to care, when no one understands you, when your parents aren't there to depend on, I am. My strong arms are here to embrace you when you need to be held. My gentle voice will speak to your heart when you long to be comforted. When you are afraid or uncertain I am yearning to give you guidance. When you need a shoulder to cry on I am always available. Any time, day or night, rain or shine, come storms and trials I will not fail you. Only I can make that promise to you. Only I have made the ultimate sacrifice.

What I did for you was not easy. With each step I took up that hill it became harder to face the realization of the pain and suffering I was to further endure. But my mind was not on the blood dripping down my forehead or the splinters scourging my back, it was on you. You are the reason i was there. The pain was unbearable, but I saw your face and kept going. With each pound of the hammer, piercing nails into my flesh they heard me cry out in anguish, but it was not out of anguish (your name), it was out of my love for you.

I know that often times your heart is longing. I've seen the looks in your eyes and heard the sighs you breathe. But do not forget my sweet one that I know what is best for you. The void in your heart can be filled with no one else but myself. I created that gap so that I could slip right in and make you complete. Your longingings are for me even as mine are for you. I paid for the right to fill things longings with m life and out of a love that will never let you down. So for this Valentine's Day I want to ask you one question:

Will you be mine ____?

My love is written in letters of Crimson,

The Lover of your soul,

Jesus

In My Father's Keeping

2011-01-27T19:21:00.004-06:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved to read. It doesn't matter if someone is reading to me or I'm reading the book myself, I have always viewed reading as an entrance into other worlds where the words on the pages are like keys into the "three I's"; information, inspiration and imagination. In my eyes, the people you meet, the lands you discover, the lessons you learn and the truths that are revealed to your heart are priceless.As an activity director, I have had the privilege of translating this love and passion into a weekly activity for my residents.
Every Thursday morning at 9:00, I have a small group of about 5 ladies who gather together over coffee and a bakery treat as I read a novel out loud, bringing it to life with expression. ( is this any surprise?) They absolutely love it, and so do I.We just finished reading "Anne of Green Gables", which they loved, and are now on the third chapter of "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Tenboom. This book is a true story about a holocaust survivor, and it takes place in Holland during World War II. "Anne of Green Gables" was lighthearted, funny and heart warming, where as this literary challenge is going to be just that: a challenge for the heart. It is so important to read things that put our lives and troubles into perspective, especially when it is about people who have overcome odds and obstacles that we can't even fathom.
Senior citizens are faced with many, many hardships and obstacles of their own; these include but are not limited to loss of eye sight, hearing, walking, dealing with arthritis, medication side effects, bed sores, depression, the death of many loved ones and memory loss. One of my main goals as an activity director is to enhance their quality of life by giving them the encouragement and tools that they need to cope with and accept these hardships. More than anything in the world do I wish I could ban all hearing and vision loss, but truth be told, it is through these hardships that they become stronger individuals with their true beauty shining through the pain. Maybe you can identify with this truth.
I marvel at God's creativity in speaking to His children. Today, it was through a paragraph in a book. My prayer is that in some way it will bless and encourage you.
The following conversation takes place between a young Corrie Tenboom and her father. Corrie just finished asking her father what sex is.
"He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted the traveling case from the rack above our heads, and set it on the floor.
"Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. "It's too heavy," I said.
"Yes," he said." and it would be a pretty poor father who would ask a little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you."
And I was satisfied. More then satisfied-wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions- for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping."

-"The Hiding Place" by Corrie Tenboom

I nearly cried when I read this paragraph, because I knew without a doubt that God was speaking right to my heart. Recently I have been faced with a lot of tough questions. I had been blessed with something very good and wonderful on so many levels, and then before I knew it, it was gone. I wrestled and fought with God, asking Him not only the typical question of "why?!", but dared to tell Him that I didn't deserve it. "Why would you bless me with something so wonderful, and then take it away so quickly?". After my share of fighting, kicking and screaming, my Heavenly Father waited for me to let go and let Him show me His goodness and faithfulness in the midst of my pain and confusion.
I praise God that He has and will continue to carry all of those heavy things in my heart.He holds us close, lays His head on ours, tenderly kisses our cheek and looks deep into our eyes. Just like Corrie, I can rest in the beautiful fact that God holds the answers to all of the hard questions in my life.

Reflective Thoughts of Unpredictable Me

2011-01-27T18:50:00.005-06:00

Sitting in my favorite spot in my "happy place" with a hot cup of coffee and a mind over flowing with material to write, I find myself quite at home. I like to picture this blog as if I'm sitting across from a close, intimate friend in a cozy coffee shop. This blog started as a place to vent my incessant emotions and make sense of the crazy concept of life, but through the years has turned into a means of connecting with people from all walks of life. What a privilege.
I can't believe it has been over a month since I last wrote. It seems like the last couple months of my life have come and gone with a whole slew of new changes, lessons and experiences. I find it funny that as we grow older, we need to constantly be "catching up" with ourselves. The rate that we grow, change and develop as atomic individuals baffles me. Once you finally get used to being a certain way or doing things in a certain manner, something about you or something in your world changes. I have always taken comfort in the truth that in a world where everyone and everything constantly changes, Jesus remains constant; unchanging, unmoving and permanent. It hasn't been until recently that I've been able to appreciate this truth in the new light of applying this concept to myself, as opposed to applying it to people and circumstances. I always thought I could depend on the predictability of being me; for after all, what human being should know you better than yourself? Recently I have learned that I am no longer as predictable as I thought I was. Thank goodness for an unpredictable God who constantly reveals to us His unpredictable ways and blesses us with His predictable promises.

The Art of the Response

2010-12-27T18:20:00.005-06:00

Everybody personally knows at least one person in their life who fits the criteria of a "control freak". If a handful of you are truly honest, you would be willing to admit that you land in that category as well.
I used to think that I didn't fit in that category, but the more years I add to my life, the more I realize how many ways that this description applies to me. It is most definitely humbling, but I believe it is that which humbles us that causes us to experience personal growth.
I love the concept of friendships/relationships. There is no more beautiful of an experience than two people who take turns giving and taking, which in turn forms a tapestry of understanding, love and endless opportunities to learn and grow as an individual. A very large part of a relationship is the concept of the response. Without the personal verbal and/or physical response of one individual to another, there would be no relationship. Having the ability to respond to our environment is one of the many ways that God continues to show us that we are living, breathing human beings. Have you ever temporarily lost your voice? It is a terrible feeling to not be able to respond verbally in a way that accurately depicts how you feel and/or think about something.
There is great freedom in responding. How you choose to respond is entirely up to you; nobody else can do it for you. Along with the freedom of personal response comes the reality that we have absolutely no control over how someone chooses to respond to us. This is an area of relationships that I trust my God is refining in me. I pay great attention to how I respond to people. I usually take time to word and articulate things exactly the way I want them to come across, and for some odd reason, I think that if I respond to someone in a certain way and with a concerted amount of effort, that their response should be equal or above what I believe to be reproach. When they don't respond in the way that I expect, I take it personally in some way, even though there was most likely no reason to feel that way.
Our relationship with Jesus Christ is no different. We can come to Him with petitions of praise, requests, frustrations and concerns, but we have no control in how God is going to choose to answer those prayers or reveal Himself to us. Our relationship with God and the response we give Him takes a very serious amount of trust and faith. The central difference between the response of God to His children and human relationships is that we can be certain that God's response to us will never harm or hurt us. We can rest assured that God's response to His children will always be exactly what we need at exactly the right time. Even when we don't understand why He is responding in the way that He is; Whether that takes the form of a response that you didn't want or expect, or what appears to be no response at all, we can take hold of the promise that not having control over His response shouldn't create anxiety, but should create peace.

A prayer that is very near and dear to my heart is the "Serenity Prayer". I'm sure many of you are familiar with the simple, yet profound prayer.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Give me the courage to change the things that I can

And the wisdom to know the difference."

It is absolutely imperative that we have a basic, solid understanding of clearly knowing what we do and do not have control over. Once we can identify these things, the need for control over everything begins to pale in comparison to the peace that can be experienced when we are responsible for what is ours, leaving the rest up to God. So whether it be something as silly as a person who brought eleven items to the "10 items or less" lane, or something as detrimental to the heart as feeling hurt by the way a loved one has responded to us, we can have that peace. God is handing this special gift to us, we just need to take it.

"Scrooged" without Jesus

2010-12-26T10:00:00.003-06:00

It is the day after Christmas, and at least three months since I have last written on this blog. Enough has happened in the last three months to serve as material for many different posts, but it seems as if my life has been in full speed in so many different areas; so much so, that "writer's block" has set in, however I feel that block disappearing as all the processing of this highly analytical brain takes the form of actual concepts and words. Just a quick forewarning: You may need to read this post in a couple sittings, or you may just want to stop here. It's going to be a doozy.

I have always been a "pro-holiday" type of gal. I think I get that from my mom. My mom has a way of making nearly every major holiday a special and memorable experience, and I have found myself following in her footsteps. However, I am ashamed to admit that it took me nearly the entire month of December to get into the Christmas spirit. Maybe it was stress, maybe it was the fact that I've been preparing for the blessed Christmas season for over two months for my job and when December rolled around, I was already "Christmas-ed out". Or maybe it was all the transition of moving, the changes in my job, unforeseen events that through me "off kilter" for a time and shook me up a bit. The truth is, it was a combination of all of those things.

Something that God revealed to me during my break from "real life", was how incredibly selfish I have been. I have been so wrapped up in my own world that I have not adequately sought out the needs of others, invested in my relationship with my Savior, or taken the time to diligently pray. I have been very tired, which has in part been a result of trying to rely on my own strength, rather than realizing that unless I solicit God's strength, I have none at all.
I definitely had a "Scrooge" attitude this last month. I didn't really buy any gifts, had no appreciation for Christmas decorations, got sick of all my favorite Christmas music really quickly and envied the excitement that so many people had for that big day. I kept trying to force a smile and excitement for my residents, but deep down inside, I just wanted this month to be over with.

The day that I left to go home for Christmas, I got a phone call stating the news that a hopeful living situation was not going to happen. I was upset for a couple hours, allowing myself to have a pity party on my drive home. In my search for a stable, affordable place to live, I have often felt that there hasn't been any room for me. Whether it be there are no available apartments, or the people that I lived with, it just feels like there hasn't been any room. Ironically, I realize that I've been doing the exact same to God. I haven't had a whole lot of room for Him. I have not kept my eyes fixed on Him, and have in turn made very little room for anything but myself.

On Christmas Eve during the traditional candle light service at my mom's church, I was reminded in such a humble, gentle way that Jesus came to us. It wasn't a matter of seeking Him out and looking for Him, but that He came to us in the form of a tiny, helpless babe to save us from our sinful selves. Unlike our world or the inn keeper that Mary and Joseph encountered, He always has room for us, even when we shut Him out. It is only when we let Him in that we can experience the peace that we long for; the peace that He desires us to have. I think that in the midst of the chaos and secularism of Christmas, we forget why He came. He didn't come to give us a reason to have a day off, time with our family, gorge ourselves on baked goods and sing peppy, "feel good" Christmas songs; He came to redeem us, to save us, to give us life. It's about hope, healing and restoration in a broken and depraved world.

May you hold these truths in your heart, and may the peace of knowing Jesus leave room in your hearts for Him to do far more then you ever dreamed possible.

Merry Christmas!

God Burnt my Blue Print

2010-10-30T18:34:00.005-05:00

God has me in this place where I simply do not know the next step. Ever been there? Have you ever been in that place where you simply don't have a plan, a reliable inclination, or a flashing neon sign that says "This is it!"?

I have always been a woman with a plan. I take great comfort in writing a blue print of my life, content to let God build it as He sees fit. However, in this particular season of life, God has basically just taken away my blue print, which has left me to trust the construction of Jesus's work in my life.

With Jesus as our foundation, we can not be shaken; our lives cannot be broken to the ground. With this truth in mind, I'm aware of the fact that the heavy natural elements of life have a way of rattling our house, sometimes to the point where we wonder if our house will remain in tact. With the Lord as our cornerstone, we cannot be moved, despite the fact that everything else around us is spinning out of control, blowing, burning,and drowning in floods of humanity.
I have come to learn that it is when I am out of control that God builds something truly breath taking in my life; adding details and features that I could not have ever dreamt up on my own.

Build your life on Jesus. Hand Him your blue print; surrender your plans. Trust that His construction is reliable, and that brick by brick, you will be able to see that His work is the most trusted of them all.

Lack

2010-10-10T14:31:00.006-05:00

As Christians, we have the promise and the hope that Jesus is all that we need. In the "I centered" world of pain, bitterness, materialism, disease and hardship, we seek refuge in the pages of His love letter to us; the Bible. We turn to fellow believers for encouragement and hope, and we fill the pews of churches all across the world in an effort to give and receive that which God has blessed us with.

As of late, I've had a very rude spiritual awakening. I've realized that God has allowed me to walk through a season in which I am facing my greatest fear: the fear of not having enough; the fear of "lack". I've been learning that the very thing we fear is the very thing that God will use to show us how infinitely greater He is. That if we take stock and comfort in having "enough" in this world, we are fooling ourselves and setting ourselves up for self distruction.

As with previous posts, I take the risk in divulging personal details in my life in an effort to bless, encourage and inspire my readers; this post is no different.

I grew up in a home where there was much "lack". There were many ways in which it didn't lack, so much so, that that which I did not lack wasn't made obvious to me until many, many years later, when I found myself trying to find fulfillment in things other than my relationship with Jesus Christ. It was this empty hole that I wasn't aware of, and as a result, I formed unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with things in life that were normal to me, but were in fact, not normal. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to reach that place of truly believing with everything in me, that Jesus is all that I need.

Have you been there?

If you have been there, then you know what a shock it is to the heart to see that what you thought was normal, "o.k." and even "healthy", was all a facade. It is an even greater shock to realize that there was absolutely nothing that you could do about it; that as a child, you were practically helpless, and unable to know what you know now. There used to be a time that I was bitter about this, and very angry. I asked God "why?!", and struggled to trust Him and His provision in my life. I said I trusted God with my whole heart, but the truth was, I trusted Him as my Father, my Shepherd, My Healer, My friend, my Lover and my Teacher, but I did not trust Him as my Provider. Wow. Just seeing those words typed in black and white humbles me, and is threatening to make me bawl in front of all the fellow customers in Caribou Coffee.

If you think about it, why would we trust God in the role of our lives that we didn't experience here on earth? The answer is, in our humanity, we can't. Apart from Him, we simply can't do it. In fact, apart from Him, we are drawn to the very thing that we are trying so hard to avoid; the very thing that we are trying to escape. We can only trust Him to be and do for us what He promises, through HIS strength and HIS power. When we see and accept these kinds of truths, we are humbly drawn into the only healthy co-dependent relationship that exists; our relationship with Jesus Christ. When we acknowledge that we are a bi-product of sin and without His blood, without His grace, without His Holy Spirit actively working in our hearts, we are bound for a life of sin and self distruction, with no hope....no hope at all.

My prayer for you is, that like me, God will clearly reveal to you the specific role that God is in your life that you are flat out rejecting, due to fear and ignorance that is preventing you from acknowledging that truth. Is it the role of Healer? Do you flat out choose to believe that He will not heal you of an emotional, physical, spiritual disease or wound? Or is it the role of Teacher? Do you struggle to believe that God will actually teach you everything you need to know to navigate the life that you have been given? Perhaps it is God's role of being the ultimate Lover in your life. Do you struggle to believe that you are worth loving, that God loves you with an intensity that you can't even begin to fathom? Whatever role it is, may you be humbled to the point where you are flat on your face in tears, that God DOES fulfill that role. May you repent of your sins that only cause guilt, greed, arrogance, pride and ultimately, pain.

May the "lack" that you have experienced in your life serve as a means to turn to the One who, in Him, you will lack absolutely nothing in this world or the next.

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Then the Lord will take care of me."-Psalm 27:10

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. "-Matthew 6:33

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withold from those whose walk is blameless."-Psalm 84:11

"...For your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."-Matthew 6:8

"If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith!"-Luke 12:28

Dreaming with Jesus

2010-10-06T22:00:00.005-05:00

As children, many of us have wished upon a shooting star or that single, solitary star that hangs in the sky, as if it's only purpose to be there is to have someone wish on it. And, if you are being honest, you will admit to the fact that at some point in your adulthood you have wished upon a star.

Being the strong dreamer that I am, I believe that dreaming is a neccesity to surviving the real world. Hopefully at some point we will find that difficult balance of dreaming with our whole hearts, and accepting life on life's terms; and what a balance that is.

As we draw closer to the heart of God, I believe that He plants dreams in our hearts; dreams that honor Him, dreams that may not come to fruition in the way that we envision them to arrive, but as we dream with our Jesus, we can trust that the excitement, beauty and joy of the fulfillment of His dreams for our lives will vastly outweigh anything that we could dream up on our own.

In the Bible there are accounts of God speaking to people in nocturnal dreams, and there are many accounts of people who believe that God has and does speak to them in this same manner. But, here's a thought: Not only does God speak to us through those dreams, but also through the "wish upon a star" dreams. We can rest in the fact that He has so carefully and uniquely crafted us in His image. What a joy to know that He has created us to be the men and women that we are, and that He hears our child-like wishes and desires and takes them into account.

In the brokeness of dreams that have not "come true" yet or ever, God calls us to give Him those broken stars, and to trust and believe that His dreams for our lives are all we ever need to wish for.

What's Your Walker?

2010-10-02T12:22:00.006-05:00

One of the things that I love about life is that concepts and lessons that we are faced with are never actually mastered. We don't just learn something, and that's the end of it; we continue to get faced with the same concepts and lessons, but in the form of a different experience and in different times in our lives. I think a reoccurring concept in my life and the lives of so many others is trust. Trusting in God, trusting people and trusting ourselves. Trust is such a small word, but God tends to use the small things to teach us big lessons.

Last week I took a handful of my residents on an evening picnic adventure in Red Wing. The weather was fabulous, and the beauty of fall was evident as we drove down the windey road to our destination. After a truly joyful, meaningful meal, complimented with laughter, reminiscing and the enjoyment of one another's company, we loaded the bus to top our evening off with a slice of pie and a cup of coffee at Perkins.

As we were loading into the bus, one of my residents pushed her walker all the way to the entrance of the bus steps, completely blocking the entry. As I gently tried to move the walker out of the way, she clung to it, saying "I need this, or I'm going to fall." I softly told her that she needed to let go of her walker in order to get into the bus, and that she could grab my arm for stability as she made her way up the steps. Once she realized the reality of the situation, she let go of her walker, grabbed my arm, and made it safely up the steps.

Friends, what is "your walker"? What is something that you are hanging onto so tightly, that it is that very thing that is preventing you from moving forward in your life? In my residents case, it was fear. She had such an intense grip on her walker, due to her fear of falling. I can safely say that though the "walker's" may take different forms, fear is the sole demon that keeps us hanging on for dear life.

As a result, I believe that intense fear can actually create illusions and self deception.When we are afraid, we often use somebody or something to clothe that fear in. In our humanity, we have the potential to subconsciously believe that if we use something good, pretty, attractive, practical and/or acceptable to hide the grotesque nature of fear, we create a reality that doesn't really exist. When we don't face our fears, we don't face ourselves; and for many, facing ourselves is our greatest fear.

As children of God, we have been delivered from the bondage of fear. When we "give Him our walkers", He stabilizes us with His strength, compassion and forgiveness. Fear is the absence of trust. Complete trust in God is impossible when we are afraid.

Just like the milky way and host of stars that were lit bright enough to lead the African American slaves to freedom, so does God shine His light on the deception and darkness in our lives.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"-Psalm 27:1

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I will trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal men do to me?"-Psalm 56:4

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known."-Matthew 10:26

"because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of sonship..."-Romans 8:14-15

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."-1st John 4:18

As my resident trusted me with her walker, may you in a more deeply and profound nature hand your "walkers" to the God of your heart who so desperately wants you to trust Him with the entire existence of your body, soul and spirit. May you find the freedom and the peace that is yours to claim as a dearly and beloved child of the King.

Praying For Light

2010-09-22T22:31:00.005-05:00

Lately, I've been praying for light. Light to uncover darkness in deception and sin, and the light to see the next part of the path that I'm walking on. Last night as I was driving home, the full moon was so luminescent that it lit up the entire sky, mimicking that of 7:00 P.M. rather than 11 P.M. That beautiful moon lit up everything underneath him, casting a pearlized glow on the ordinary.

Tonight, Mother Nature exchanged the moon for an intense thunderstorm, torrential sheets of rain and wind invading the evening hours. As I drove up the hill to my home, the bright lights on my car revealed just enough of the road for me to see where I was going. As I slowly wound my way around the bend, I felt Jesus tugging at my heart, communicating to me that, just like the intensely lit moon and the bright lights on my car that allowed just enough light to see through the sheets of wind and rain, so does God provide just enough of His light for me to walk through life. Where we need to see, He'll be sure we do. It is in that darkness that we have to trust that soon enough there will be a candle in a window.

2nd Samuel 22:29 says "You are my lamp, oh Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light."

May the God of light and luminosity shine His hope into your soul. May you rest in the truth that that which needs to be revealed is already revealed, and His light will never burn out.

The World Needs More Leahs

2010-09-18T00:04:00.006-05:00

One of the greatest blessings that God has given to me since being in Cannon Falls is the Women's Bible study that I help lead at the church that I attend. It has served a purpose to me much like a secret tree house in some near by, woodsy area would for a little girl; a means of escape, inspiration, comfort, encouragement and hope in the middle of so many hectic and challenging weeks.

We just recently finished a Bible study series entitled " Bad Girls of the Bible", by Liz Curtis Higgs. We started with the first book, and after it was apparent that the Holy Spirit was working through that resource, we decided to do the next book in the series. As we learned in depth about many of the well known (and not so well known) women of the Bible; the mistakes that they made, and the God who redeemed them with His grace, it was like looking into a mirror and seeing the flaws of my own character, with the hope that those flaws were only an opportunity for God to show Himself flawless and capable to do great things in my life.

One of the women we studied was Leah, number one wife of Jacob in physical secession of his two wives, but second and last in his heart, as he was in love with Leah's sister, Rachel. I remember hearing this famous story from the book of Genesis multiple times throughout my life, but never before have I viewed Leah, the "understudy" wife with the "weak eyes", in such a way as I do today. (This story can be found in the Bible, in the book of Genesis in chapter 28-31). Please read these chapters to refresh your knowledge or gain new insight on this story before moving forward with this post.

While studying Leah, the heart of the matter was understanding if she really had much of a choice to be involved in the trickery of her uncle Laban: being handed to Jacob as his wife, as per their marital custom of that time. We wavered back and forth as a group, trying to decide in our hearts whether or not Leah had a choice in the matter. But as we dove deeper into the personal choices that she had to make, it became apparent that that wasn't what God was trying to communicate to His children.
It seems that anyone who has read this classic Bible story has always felt bad for Leah, because Leah was described as being "unpretty and unloved" by her husband Jacob. I cannot imagine how painful it would be to be married to a man who wasn't attracted to me, didn't demonstrate his love toward me, and used me only as a reproductive machine to push out babies to continue his name sake. All the while your beautiful, knock out of a sister has your husband's heart and affections. What a painful existence.

There are so many elements to this story that are worthy of discussing, but I'm going to stay focused on what the Lord taught me through the life of Leah. Leah loved Jacob, and that love was never returned. The Lord graciously blessed her with multiple children, with every birth wishing and hoping that "maybe this time he will love me". What Leah initially missed is that even though Jacob loved Rachel, God loved Leah. In the study, Liz Curtis Higgs shares the research that "...God loved her, and knew that child bearing was "the only way to achieve status in her own family and community." " The following is the paragraph that hit me like a ton of bricks:

"Leah looked at the children around her feet, gazed up at the heavens above, and realized how very much she was loved, how clearly blessed she as among women. With a heart full of joy, Leah lifted her voice to the One who mattered the most. "...this time, I will praise the Lord." Gen. 29:35.
What a woman! Instead of blaming God for what she didn't have, she began praising God for what she did have. "Now I will praise the Lord!"(AMP). "

Leah had to come to a place in her heart where the love of her Lord was truly enough. She had to go through the pain of being unloved in a marriage and hated by her own sister's jealousy of her fertility to see God's sovereignty in her life. God saw her, he heard her and he loved her deeply, evident in His provision. God didn't want Leah for anyone else, He set her apart for Himself and Himself alone.
How many women spend their precious time and energy wanting to be "seen and heard", and doing whatever they possibly can to have this? How many women have been tossed aside in families, relationships, friendships and churches, unseen and unheard? Too many my friends. Far too many. How many of us ( male and female) seek to be seen and heard by faulty humans, and turn our backs on the One who tenderly knitted together every facet of our beautiful being, paying great attention and detail to everything from eye color to the personality that was designed to communicate His beauty and His love?

The title and inspiration for this blog was inspired by a comment that was made by an individual that stated that "The world needs more Ruth's". While I don't disagree with this statement, it was impressed upon my heart to communicate to you that this world "needs more Leah's". This world is in sore need of women who love Jesus, and can come to a place in their hearts and lives where He is enough. A place where Christian women all over the world, can raise their hands to the heavens and boldly declare that "They surrender all" to their Jesus. All of the pain, anxiety, hopelessness, depression, bitterness, deception and questions of "why". Leah stopped asking "Why" and "When", and rested in the love of her Jesus, knowing that she had been seen and heard by the One who mattered the most.

As Christians, we need to be in prayer for the women in our lives. What freedom can be achieved and what joy can be received, if every woman and girl, in every church body, claimed these as her own?! How would this affect every facet of their lives, and lives of those they've invested in? Only God can do such a miracle, only the God of Leah can break such high walls and bitter hearts.

"My soul alone finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." -Psalm 62 1-2.

Male or female, girl or boy, young or old: May you find the hope and the freedom of resting in the fact that you are seen and heard by the Lord Jesus Christ. May you rest in this beautiful truth, and find the strength that you need fight on the battle ground of this earthly world. May you not be shaken, and if you are shaken, may you not be ripped off your feet by the enemy that seeks to kill and destroy this hope that God has imparted upon you. May you have the courage "be a Leah".

Amen.

"Free To Be Me", and The Fashion Blunder

2010-09-15T22:51:00.003-05:00

I absolutely love it when things "tie together". Whether it be in a conversation where you are verbally "connecting the dots" with somebody, a research paper where all of the quotes and information take the form of an actual piece of organized work, rather then a slew of white index cards scattered on a table. Or, such as in this case, an evening where it was evident that the Lord was orchestrating a theme/life lesson through a series of conversations, comments, and shared experiences.

I'm going to start this story with a fashion blunder that was unknowingly made at the start of my day. It had to have been about 45 degrees most of the day, with winds that made it feel even colder. I haven't had the time yet to go down to storage and pull out warmer clothes, and it seems like a sin to wear tights in the middle of september. My wardrobe has not quite transitioned from summer to fall, and even if it did transition all by itself, the craziness of my life would not have been able to keep up with the change. So, with that being said, on went the brown leggings and boots, with not a thought put into it, other than "this will keep me warm today and it matches". Between a memory care luncheon outing that used nearly all of my alloted daily brain and body power, cleaning the craft room, cooresponding to emails, trying to plan the October activity calendar, filling out insurance forms and running to Bible study, I had been going strong all day long, with a million and one things on my mind.

After a whole day went by in my leggings and boots, I was reprimanded by one of the teen girl's at church that I was "never to wear those leggings with that dress again." At first I was a bit shocked, because for most of my life, I have paid careful attention to what I wear and the impression that I give people. But then I came to a great realization. "I simply don't care!". It was like this mini mile stone marker as an adult. I certainly will take her advice, that is for sure, as I have demonstrated the fact that I may need a little assistance in the fashion department from time to time. Also, I spent a good 10 minutes looking at my fashion blunder, kind of amazed I had gone a whole day without a thought to those leggings. But, the mini mile stone marker is that I don't define myself by my appearance; that I have spent a lot of personal time cultivating that which is inside and the talents, gifts and calling that the Lord has blessed me with. I think I'm finally beginning to experience that personal freedom that comes from feeling free to be who I am, without any apologies, wishing to be different or comparing myself to other individuals.

And what did the Bible study topic just happen to be that night? "Free to be Me". As a group we discussed our individual talents, gifts and passions, and how unique and beautiful that each one is to the body of Christ. That although God's will for us is about HIM and how He desires to use us to further His kingdom and glorify His existance, He has created each of His children as uniquely as a finger print; not one of them the same, but all of them contributing something beautiful to His divine plan. I think that women especially get so caught up in what is the "right" thing to wear, have, do, etc. and somehow we feel inadequate and/or incomplete if we don't do "the right thing". Praise the Lord that as Christians, we have a right to that peace of knowing that our self worth lies within what He thinks of us. "...For a man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1st Samuel 16:5-7. We can also have confidence in the fact that if we invest in our relationship with Him, diligently study His love letters to us, and take time to listen to His voice, we are investing our time and energy into something far more important than the latest fashion trend. In my short 24 years of life, I have come to find that the most valuable fashion accessory lies within 1st Peter 3:3-4 . I love how the "New Living translation" words it.

"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

What peace we can find in these verses. We won't ever be able to truly keep up with what is "right" in the world of fashion and appearance, for a variety of reasons. However, if we continually invest and cultivate the inner beauty that can only come from Jesus Christ, we can rest in that truth. For a woman at rest with herself is a beautiful thing indeed.

A Half Tank of Gas

2010-09-13T20:44:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago, I had plans to go visit my family over Labor Day weekend. I had carefully managed my finances to make sure that I would have enough money for gas there and back, especially because it was the week before pay day, which is always a tight week.

I thought I had covered all of my bases, when I failed to remember an automatic payment that literally took my gas money away. I wasn't sure how I was going to get home, and after a good cry, I realized that I might not make it home. As I cut and pasted my way through being upset at my current reality, (Making signs for the "Resident's of the Day") I realized that it was an opportunity to "accept life on life's terms".

After reaching that place of acceptance, my mom called. I explained to her what happened, and told her that even though I was sad at the reality, I was willing to accept it. Then my mom asked me how much gas I had left, to which I replied " A half tank". I could hear the smile in her voice when she said "Sarah, a half tank of gas will get you home. I'll pay for your trip back"

Isn't that just like God? He provides that half tank of gas; He provides just enough for us to make it home. And furthermore, He'll meet us half way. And to truly put the "cherry on the top", when we can't even make it half way, He'll come to us. In fact, He'll always come to us, we just have to be willing to let Him take residence in our lives.

I think one of our greatest challenges in life is to do just that; "Accept life on life's terms". Somehow we get conditioned to think that life has to be on our terms, and if it's not on "normal" terms ( normal would be defined as how the world views it) then there must be something not quite right. A classic example of not accepting life on life's terms is using credit cards when there are no actual funds to draw from at that moment. The reality is that there is no money to buy what you want or need, so instead of accepting that, we swipe the plastic which puts things on our terms.

Lately, I've come to learn that I don't want things on my terms. One of my all time favorite quotes is by Joshua Harris. "The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing." When it's not in God's timing, when it's not apart of His present plan, it is truly wrong for us at that time. I think it's absolutely essential to our peace to come to that place of accepting that we don't really know what we truly need and when that perfect timing is. We chase after it, we look for "signs", and we continually ask God "Is this it?" but the truth is, until it's on His terms, we won't really know; And, we have to trust Him that when it is time to know, He'll show us.

Oh friends, that is what it all boils down to... trust. Trusting Him in the midst of uncertainty, fear and longing. Trusting and believing that just like that half tank of gas that was left in my car, He'll bring us the rest of the way home, just in the nick of time.

Beauty in Wrinkles

2010-09-11T17:08:00.015-05:00

What is beauty? I would venture to say that there is at least one thousand definitions to describe the word "beauty", for as they say, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". The concept of beauty plays a monumental part in our existance. Without beauty, life would be dull and unappealing. Imagine life without the brilliant, artist color pallete, mixed into hues and shades that could only be created by God, the master artist Himself. Our world has created standards of beauty, but starting right now, I would like to challenge you to look beyond the standard and find beauty in things that are unnoticed; in things that may not be inititally as striking as a Hawaiian sunset.

This afternoon at work, I took pictures of my residents and their family members for no charge to them. Earlier that morning I had two wonderful volunteers come in and do makeovers for my residents. Through the mist of hair spray, the heat of the curling iron and the laughter in the fellowship, it was evident to me that my female residents were not only feeling "good", but were actually beginning to feel "pretty".

Think about it. How difficult would it be to feel pretty at 85? Your hair isn't as full as full as it used to be, and this includes your eyebrows and eyelashes. your makeup doesn't go on as smoothly because it lands in all the creases of your wrinkles, and you hide your true smile because your teeth are a bit cracked and some may be missing. You struggle to be fashionable in your shoe choices, as they only make supportive tenny shoes in a limited amount of colors. Not to mention that if your eye sight is poor, you can't clearly see any of those factors anyways, so you are always at the mercy of those around you.

Just look at those pictures. There is no other word then "beautiful" to describe them. In every "old" person is a young girl or boy; they still have youth to spare. We can only hope to radiate the beauty that these people do. It is at this age that true beauty is more evident. When everything seems to be "falling apart" physically, it is then that the inner beauty of these individuals shines through. Beautiful is a woman at rest with her life with a radiant smile, or a man who is still deeply in love with his bride of over 60 years. That, my friend, is beauty. As Christians, we are called to step beyond the standards of the world. When we do this, we physically and spiritually break the walls of this world, raising the bar, and reaching the lost.

May you have the courage to not only cultivate your inner beauty, but to also encourage that same cultivation in the lives of those around you. May you be reminded that unlike our bodies, God's precious, deep and beautiful love does not fall apart or fade, but remains intact in this life and the life to come.

The Art of Pursuit

2010-08-31T20:50:00.007-05:00

Ooh, I can feel the controversy of this topic running through my fingers as I type this post, and I'm only in the first sentence! Be forewarned: This post may become a tinsy bit more passionate then the other ones usually are. It may or may not have to do with the fact that for supper I had a non-fat mocha with an extra shot of expresso.There. You can't say I didn't warn you.

In my meager 24 years of life, I have gradually figured out what I do and do not want in a man. However, I'm going to go a step beyond that ( I know, a big shocker) and I'm going to boldly generalize one of the things that many women deeply desire in life. To be pursued and desired by an honorable man.

Anybody who really knows me knows that I have very "old fashioned", conservative views on dating, the roles of men and women in a relationship and marriage. I have some friends that think I'm crazy, and some that don't understand it, but I also have a handful of friends who share the same or similar views. We support one another on the road to understanding ourselves, so that we in turn can have a hope to try to understand that man or woman that we will end up spending the rest of our lives with.

I don't expect everyone to agree with everything I've posted, but remember; this blog is my little corner of the world, so I can write whatever I want. And, as always, I hope that what I write inspires and encourages, as well as encourages you to look at things in a different perspective. No "box inhabiting" in my world.

We live in a culture that has blurred, if not completely erased the dividing line between what it means to be a "man" and what it means to be a "woman". Thanks to that rediculous "Sexual Revolution", women tend to think that the concept and art of the pursuit of a woman is either:

A) Slow -" I can do this so much faster and quicker! I want what I want, and I want it now!"

B) Offensive-" Why does HE have to pay for my meal? I'm a self suffiecient, hard working single woman. Is he insinuating that I'm not capable? "

C) Non-equalizing: "Men and Women are on the same plane. Neither should be considered higher than the other. Women can do what a man can do. Women can do a man's job."

While the reality of these truths is that they've been largely accepted in our society, the truth of the matter is that they have ruined the beauty and the art of a man pursuing a woman, and a woman responding to the pursuit and her pursuer.

As women, we tend to think that our timing ( Which usually is when we want something) is the right timing. We give men the excuses that they are "dumb", "blind", "don't get it", "shy", "not experienced", etc. while there are certainly times that these things are legitimate, as women we tend to view them as things that just "slow up" what is "supposed to happen". That is when we call first, we initiate all the communication, we share our feelings, and we go out of our way to show them "how much we care".

Truth: If a man wants to be with a woman; if he has the slightest bit of interest in getting to know her beyond a platonic level, he will do something about it. and, if he desires to and doesn't, he's not the man that God desires him to be. That's a harsh statement, I know, and I feel a little bit like a rotten person for believing it, but I think it's true. God designed men to "conquer and divide" to be excited about "the hunt", and to desire a challenge to win something that is truly a prize. Likewise, God designed women with beautiful gifts of being able to respond, affirm and encourage the pursuit and the pursuer. My heart goes out to those men who want to and can't, with the reasons being many, none of which I am down playing in the least. Fears of rejection, not "being enough". failure, anxiety and arrogance are some of the reasons that come to mind, all of which are strongholds in a person's life that prevents them from moving forward. Only Jesus Christ can work miracles on the heart of a person in a strong hold, and I choose to believe that it happens.

I also have compassion for the women who think that if they "hunt down" the man they are interested in, that they will receive the attention, affirmation and affection that their hearts desire. My heart breaks when I see so many women searching for their significance and answers in a man who really wasn't "on board" in the first place. Fear, anxiety and arrogance also plays a role with women. Instead of having the grace and the courage to wait to be pursued and desired, we give into the fears such as being alone and fears of "not being enough or too much", just to name a few. And often times, these things can be a direct result as to how we view ourselves; the worth and emphasis that we place on who we are as individuals. Both men and women must initially find their significance and attractive qualities in the romancer of their hearts, Jesus Christ.

Passivity is an evil thing. I think that satan lurks in passitivity, totally ready to give men a reason to be so, and women reasons enough to accept it in a man. As women, when we "take over" and don't wait to be pursued, we encourage passivity in a man. We take away that mission, because we've claimed that mission as our own. Passitivity is the absence of passion. And with women, when we don't respond to the pursuit of a man, we are also demonstrating passivity. When we don't share how we really feel, or fail to respond directly with a "yes" or "no", we hinder the pursuer. We as women need to respect and encourage the men who put aside all of their fear of rejection, anxiety and pride, to show and tell you that they think you are worth getting to know. Even if one of the people isn't attracted to the other, this act absolutely demands respect. period. Pursuit is an honorable act in a very dishonorable society.

Jesus is the perfect gentleman. His chivelary is un-ending, His pursuit is relentless. His love is intoxicating, and He doesn't worry about "coming on too strong". As we grow in our relationship with Him, we can learn to respond with the faith and the courage that our youth demands of us. As we get to know the lover of our souls, we can learn on a more intimate level what God desires of His children in matters of the heart. Let Him pursue you, and may you have the courage to respond to His pursuit, unafraid of the future and more deeply in love then ever before. Furthermore, may you have the courage and desire to pursue His love for you, never fearing what may come of such a bold act of the heart.

Again

2010-08-28T11:03:00.004-05:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I've had this crazy notion that I'm supposed to get something right the first time. In addition to that, I've thought that if I learned something the first time, I should be able to get it right every time. Well, you can imagine how many times I've hit the floor, only to have gotten back up again, my stubborness and strong will proving to be a positive asset.

I distinctly remember being 12 years old, sitting at the kitchen table at 9:30 at night, sobbing over my math text book, pencil in hand, so extremely angry and upset that I just simply couldn't figure out those problems! My mom would either cry with me, or throw her hands up in frustration, not sure what to do with her dramatic, over analytical daughter who was so intelligent and mature for her age, and yet could not figure out how many minutes verses miles it took for charles to get to Texas going 65 miles an hour, or how in the world x didn't indeed equal 1o, even though I did the problem step by step, at least eight times.

As an adult, that same struggle has translated to so many different areas in my life. My mother reminded me the other day how many times she has failed and failed again in different areas of her life, and that sometimes she didn't learn the first time. That sometimes,it took four or five times before she actually got it and made the change, or figured out how to solve her problem.
Where in our human capabilities do we think that we are supposed to get it right the first time? Why do I expect this of myself, and why do I fall apart when I fall flat on my face the first time, thinking that it's "over" or "I'll never get this"?

One of my all time favorite movies is "Wild Hearts Can't be Broken". If you haven't had the privilege of experiencing this movie, it is a true story about a young girl whose stubborness and will was her greatest weakness and strength. She became a successful "diving girl", diving horses off of a high point into a swimming pool. I won't share the whole thing in an effort not to spoil it for those who haven't seen it, but there is a scene in that movie that I want to share with you.

Sonora and Al ( This incredibly hot, gorgeous son of her boss) train this wild stallion in an effort to show Al's father ( the owner of the diving show business) that Sonora could dive horses, and be promoted from being a stable hand. Al told her if she could make a "moving mount" ( mounting the wild horse while the horse was running), she could become a diving girl.
Sonora fell again, and again and again. But each time that she did, she kept saying "Again." She absolutely refused to give up. She was going to make that moving mount. And you know what? She did. (I've posted the link to the movie clip from youtube, go to minutes 3:45 for this scene. It's powerful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Wp6TapXIK0&feature=related )

I think that sometimes, we need to accept and know ahead of time that we won't get it right the first time, and that maybe, just maybe, God uses that time to teach us that not only is it ok, but it's neccesary. It teaches us perseverence, trust, but most of all, I think it teaches us acceptance. When we accept life on life's terms, we gain peace. When we accept the fact that we aren't going to get it right the first time, we have peace. When we fall down and hit the ground so hard that we aren't sure if we can make it up again, all we have to say is "again". There is a lot of power in the word "again". It is a word that could be viewed as repetitive and boring, but I choose to view it as a word that God uses to keep us going. When we are absolutely positive that we simply can't do it, we can do it, with the strength and the help of our Heavenly Father. If we got it right every time, what would we learn, and how would God prove to be so much greater, so much more capable than we are?

I found the biography of the real Sonora Webster, to which I came across this quote from her sister.

"The movie made a big deal about having the courage to go on riding after she lost her sight. But, the truth was, riding the horse was the most fun you could have and we just loved it so. We didn't want to give it up. Once you were on the horse, there really wasn't much to do but hold on. The horse was in charge." Wow. Can you see the paralellism of the horse and Jesus?

Friends, the truth is that life is like making a moving mount on a horse. Everything is going in fast motion, and it's not going to all stop to give you time to "get it right" and "get things in order". You just have to jump on that horse, fall flat on your face, and try again. And if you choose not to even take that risk, you aren't participating in life. You stand on the side lines, worried that you are going to fail, when in all actuality, you are failing by not trusting God that He'll pick you back up again when you do fall. Maybe that's what it's all about. Maybe it's about being in pain and being uncomfortable, because it is right in that place that He can show us how great His capabilities are in taking care of His children.

May every fall you take bring you closer to your Father. May your bloody and scratched elbows and knees be an offering to your King. Let Him pick you up, and keep trying again, again and again.

It Can Only Come As a Gift

2010-08-20T22:20:00.004-05:00

God bless my "happy place".
I retreated there this evening with so much on my heart, and a need for space to breathe and think. I know that God meets us wherever we are at in every sense of that phrase, but for some reason I feel like He really meets with me in my "happy place". Do you have such a place? I certainly hope so. Everyone should have a place like that.
For the past couple months, I've been reading "Quest For Love" by Elizabeth Elliot. Tonight I dove into it again, and God certainly taught me something tonight that I hope is beneficial to you as well. My aim for this blog is to not merely write, but to write about things that will benefit and penetrate the hearts of my readers. I hope that this post is no exception.
In one of the chapters of Elizabeth's book she shares a story that took place in the 1800's about a missionary by the name of Hudson Taylor. Hudson was in love with girl #1. Girl #1 was also in love with Hudson, but didn't share his calling and passion for the mission field. Both Hudson and girl #1 thought that they could change each others minds, but to no avail. Hudson left for the mission field, and came upon girl #2. He liked girl #2 and pursued her, but she did not return his love for her. Hudson was living in China at the time, and the likelihood of finding a suitable mate in that part of the world seemed slim to none, until he came arcross Maria. He didn't spend much time with Maria, but grew to love her and proposed marriage to her. To make a long story short, they lived happily ever after.
However, here is the excerpt that hit me like a ton of bricks:

"Hudson's career had shown his compulsion for love. His muddled attempts to end loneliness had led him to make offers which, if accepted, would have snuffed out the flame of his pioneering zeal. His existance cried aloud to be organized, to be understood: his natural impatience made him flounder about trying to construct a partnership which could only come as a gift."
-John C. Polluck, Hudson Taylor and Maria

Nearly my whole life, I have heard the following phrase "Sarah, God witholds nothing good from His children." and this is a promise from God, as it is written in His word.(Psalm 34:10). In fact, I pray that in my daily prayers every morning. "Dear God, remind me that you withold nothing good from your children, and that which you withold that is good, is of greater good at that time." But tonight when I read the excerpt written above, the highlighted portion allowed me to go a step beyond that concept; that step being that when we are disobedient, when we insist on our way or what appears to be exactly what God wants for us, we actually take away the opportunity for God to give us His precious gifts. Don't get me wrong. Our God is a God of mercy and grace, and He works and moves in our lives despite our lack of obedience. However, I desire to receive gifts from God. Gifts that I cannot compose with my own resources and sheer, stubborn will, but gifts that can only be designed, formed and crafted by the ultimate gift giver. I want to be like the surprised little girl on her birthday that was only expecting the Barbie Doll that was on sale, and instead given a beautiful porcelin masterpiece that far outshined the plastic bimbo that she wanted in the first place.

Make room in your heart to accept the fact that God truly does not withold anything good for His children. Take comfort in the fact that that which is good and God honoring and is not happening, is not happening because that is of greater good for you at this time. Rest in the peace that when you let go of shopping for your own presents, He will surprise you with a beautiful package with the prettiest of papers and ribbons, only to find that on the inside is something you could never have dreamed up. Only God can dream up the ultimate blessings of our lives. Trust that He knows your taste, your favorite color, and exactly what makes your heart sing.

Let Him give those gifts to you, let Him lavish you, let Him love you. Let Him be the gift giver, and you be the receiver. For in this case, it is truly better to receive, then it is to give.

Wake Up, Show Up and Just Do It.

2010-08-20T16:46:00.004-05:00

As I type the title of this blog post, I can hear my mother's voice ringing in my head. This phrase is loosely adapted from something my mother has said time and time again whenever it seemed unbearable to do something that God had clearly laid out for you to do.
That is how I can describe this last month of my life. Nothing really makes any sense, and what I thought made total sense no longer makes any sense at all. Make sense? :)
Very little "feels" good right now. I find myself fighting back tears as I go through my days at work, trying to "be grateful for my assigned portion"(Psalm 16:5) and "trusting Him in the least thing shown." Friends, I'm here to tell you that God answers our prayers, especially the ones that our human flesh doesn't really want answered. You know what prayers I'm talking about "God, please give me patience", and then He gives you a whole plateful of opportunities to practice patience.
Here is what I've learned: Trusting God means just doing life, even if you don't know how in the world it's going to come together. Trusting God doesn't "feel" good. It's not a "mountain top experience", and when you trust God, satan is going to come right in there and do everything he possibly can to break that trust apart. There is a contemporary Christian song that goes " I don't want to go through the motions". Although I appreciate the song and I understand what the author is communicating to his audience, sometimes you have to go through the motions when you trust God. Sometimes going through the motions is trusting God.

I choose to believe that our God is a God who understands that sometimes we have to go through the motions and sometimes we have to wrestle between trusting Him and thinking we are crazy for doing so, in order to fully understand His capability of moving mountains in our lives.

It's perfectly acceptable to "go through the motions". When we "wake up, show up and just do it", it allows God to truly do the same in our life. When we move out of the way and throw away our ideals of how we are to "feel, do and be", God steps in and shows us what that really means.

Trust Him. Trust Him. Trust Him.

Trust Him in the least thing shown.

Stumble

2010-08-13T20:14:00.003-05:00

I've come to understand that life isn't a smooth, pathed path. Instead, it is full of underground roots, pebbles that get into your shoe, trees that have fallen to the ground due to lightening and strong winds, potholes and un-even gravel. I've learned that much of walking on the path of life involves stumbling over obstacles, falling, and then eventually getting back up again and continuing on to wherever it is you are going.

Have you ever stopped to realize the blessings that have resulted out of stumbling on to something? Even though the path itself is full of obstacles, it's what surrounds us on that path that is beautiful. It may be pitch black as you walk your path, but there hanging in the sky is a beautiful full moon, glowing just brightly enough to illuminate your journey, accompanied by a host of twinkling stars. How many times in your life have you just been "going about your business", when you happen to stumble into someone who may now be your best friend, or when you've taken what appears to be a "detour" in life, and through that detour God reveals to you an occupation choice that you hadn't ever considered in the past, but it turns out to be a life long calling; it just so happens that your unique talents, gifts and personality fit in like a puzzle piece that had been lost for goodness knows how long under that couch cushion.

I've written this statement before in one of my blog posts, but I'm going to say it again. He has been where we are going. What appears to be obstacles in our path are just God's way of getting us to depend on Him. He is our compass and our guide. I say that as much for my sake as I do for yours. My knees are pretty skinned up from constantly tripping on the obstacles of life.... but if I can learn to find joy in my suffering and to be content in whatever my circumstances, I know He'll lead me home.

Psalm 119:102-105 "The Message" Translation

"I watch my step, avoiding the ditches and ruts of evil so I can spend all my time keeping in your word. I never make detours from the route you've laid out; you gave me such good directions....By your words I see where I am going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path."

Sittin' In the Corner

2010-08-08T17:26:00.004-05:00

I simply love word pictures. Word pictures help me make sense of things, giving me a tangible means to make sense of the world. Last night on my drive home from a weekend of family and refreshment, my dear friend Gary gave me a really great one.

"It's kind of like God is putting me in a corner and saying "Stay here until I'm done!" ".

I can totally relate to that word picture. God knows us through and through. He knows our passions, our dreams and our goals. He gets excited when we get excited about making a difference, pressing on and doing "the next right thing", as my mom puts it so clearly. But, there are times where God says "hoooold your horses child. Your ways aren't my ways, my thoughts aren't your thoughts. Let me do what I do best. Stay here until I'm finished, and DON'T MOVE." It's at that point where we can choose to be obedient, or try to sneak out of our "time out", thinking we can outsmart the omnipresent nature of our heavenly Father.

Here is a portion of Romans 12:3, in the translation of "The Message".

"...Living then, as everyone does, in pure grace, it's important that you do not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing the goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and what He does for us,not by what we are and what we do for Him."

Sometimes, I think it's neccesary that we give ourselves a "time out". I believe firmly that as Christians, we at times can fall into more of the "I do for God" rather then the "God do for me". God doesn't need us, but He chooses to use us to fulfill His plan on this earth. It's almost as if we can at times view ourselves as the main act, and God is merely the opening entertainment. The sad truth is that so many Christians miss out on seeing God move in their lives, because they are so concerned with moving and doing in their own lives. Sometimes I yearn to sit in that corner for awhile. What does a parent usually say to a child who is put in "time out"? Well, I know from personal experience that the typical instructions given to me by my mother was "I want you to use this time to think about what you did." Likewise, God calls us to our own personal corners to think about what He is doing in our lives and the lives of so many others, drawing us away from ourselves and closer to Him. And, when the timer dings to tell us our "time out" is done, we can be confident that our time spent in our own little corner was time truly well spent.

Yes

2010-08-05T22:54:00.003-05:00

When we allow God to enable us to quiet our souls, I believe that He shows us things that we can't see when we are restless and "busy" inside and out. I was reminded of this truth two days ago, when a resident of mine shared something with me. "Sarah, " she said. " I have a sign on my door that says "Yes". Just say yes to whatever God puts in front of you."

It was in that moment that I realized God was speaking directly to me. As I processed and prayed about that statement, I realized what God was telling me in that moment.

Things are tough right now. Very tough. Nothing in my life right now "feels good". I feel like God has been breaking me, making me uncomfortable, and literally "emptying me of me", which is a direct result of my prayer and submission to Him, asking Him to do those things. Sometimes it amazes me how I can struggle with believing that God answers prayer. Sometimes that answered prayer isn't what we want it to look like.Often that answered prayer is experiencing just what I am at this very moment. Sometimes God answering our prayers is painful, full of tears and maybe some deep rooted sadness. However, we can take hold of the promise that those answered prayers are blessed, are beautiful, are meant to happen in order for God to continue His good work in us.

What I am learning is how to continually say "yes" to God, even when I don't understand why He is calling me to do so. A part of a prayer that I've been praying goes something like this" Obey God in the least thing shown". When we allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us, to help lead us, that doesn't mean we get to know "why", we just have to "do". That's a hard one for me to swallow. We would all like to know the "why" before we actually "do", but then where would God fit in? In our humaness we would allow Him to kind of sink to the bottom of our resources, to slowly fade in the distance. I am learning that the Lord uses things that are important to us to get our attention, to draw us closer to Him.

Here is a word picture I'm going to leave you with. I picture God, in all of His majesty and beauty, tall and broad shouldered, standing over me. I am about knee level to Him, thrusting punches at Him in frustration, much like a small child would do to her father. The punches are certainly wimpy, but they have so much power behind them for that small child. Then I picture my Father just smiling, with a softness in His expression. Then, after I tire, He scoops me up in His arms, and I lay my head on His shoulder, His strong arm holding me tight.

God doesn't want us to throw wimpy, childish punches at His knees. However, He lets us, appreciating our honesty and being a gentleman, giving us the choice to fight or not. He wants us to bow down at His feet, to surrender, to allow Him to scoop us up in His arms. He's just waiting for us to give up the fight, and let Him to do it for us.

On My Knees

2010-08-02T17:45:00.003-05:00

Being on one's knees is probably the most ultimate of a vulnerable physical position. Being in that position makes it difficult to rise up quickly, verses elevating quickly from a sitting position. To obtain eye contact with a small child or a wheel chair bound person, we must make an effort to bend down from our comfortable standing position. Being on one's knees communicates at least four things: 1) surrender 2) vulnerability 3) willingness and 4) respect.

Last spring at a women's faith conference, I was challenged by one of the speakers to pray on my knees as much as possible. Prior to hearing that, I had done it a few times, but had not made a habit of it. On several occasions within this year, I have found myself on my knees as kind of a "last resort", but quickly learned that powerful things happened when I prayed in this manner.

I don't think that God really cares in what form we pray. We can do it in our heads as we drift off to sleep at night, in writing within the pages of a journal, outloud alone or in a group, or through music. But I have learned that there are specific deliverance methods of prayer that make a greater personal connection for myself. I cannot assume that this is true for all people, but because this is my little corner of the world, I will share my personal thoughts and I hope to get feedback from those who will be reading this.

I have found that when making the personal effort to physically get on my hands and knees before my Savior, I am brought down to the lowest physical point. This in turn connects to my emotions, and the understanding in my heart that I cannot be effective, function or truly experience the peace and joy found through my Savior, without Him enabling me to do so. I have also found that by conquering my weird little hang up about praying out loud by myself, there are words and requests that flow from my lips that are not of myself.

I also experience that same phenomenon when I sing. When God gives me a song title to sing for ministry, there is that direct connection between my gift to that person, and the giver of that gift. Often the lyrics of songs allow me to not stand in the way of what God is wants to communicate to those who are listening.

There is an old song by Christian Contemporary Artist Jaci Valesquez entitled "On My Knees". The words to this song beautifully express what I'm trying to communicate through this post.

On My Knees

There are days
when I feel
The best of me
is ready to begin
Then there's days
when I feel
I'm letting go
and soaring on the wind
'Cause I've learned in laughter or in pain
How to survive!

I get on my knees!
There I am before the Love
That changes me
See I don't know how
But there's power
When I'm on my knees

I can be
in a crowd
Or by myself
and almost anywhere
When I feel
there's a need
To talk with God
He is Emmanuel
When I close my eyes,
no darkness there
There's only light!

See I don't know how, but there's power
When I'm on my, oh, when I'm on my
When I'm on my knees

The highlighted portion of the song "cause I've learned in laughter or in pain, how to survive!" friends, prayer is a method of survival. Just like food is a method for our bodies to survive, and relationships are a method for our hearts to survive, prayer is a means to survive this world. We need that communion with God even more then anything else in this world! Just now the little quote "God answers knee-mail" ran through my head. As "cute" as that phrase is, it's so true! Every single one of our knees should be bruised and sore from kneeling on the ground and leaning on our Savior, confident that He hears us and takes us at our word.

Sowing in Tears

2010-08-01T18:10:00.003-05:00

Recently I've been diving into some classics by author and speaker Elizabeth Elliot. So much of what she writes and the way she writes it is effective, scripturally sound and truly insightful. I felt the need to post the following in an effort to encourage my readers. I hope that it will succeed in doing so!

"It is good that we should have to submit to what we do not understand. It teaches us the laws of faith and hope.It is good that we should have to do what we should rather not, in circumstances not of our choice. It is good that there should always be something to prick us on, something to remind us that we are in enemy's country, belong to a marching column. It is good that we should meet with checks and failures in what we undertake, to keep us humble and prayerful. All these things belong to sowing in tears. God seems to laid out the order of things in His Church, not for general and brilliant triumph but for the hidden santification of the individual souls which compose it."

Janice Erskine Stuart-"Prayer in Faith"

Lessons From the Cow Girls of the Dusty Trails

2010-07-30T20:47:00.004-05:00

One the favorite aspects of my job is being able to research different topics for different programs. One of the programs that I put together recently was "Cowgirls of the Dusty Trail". This program idea was sparked by this absolutely awesome totally chick flick board game that I found BRAND NEW at the Good Will for about $3.00. It's called "The Cowgirl's Ride to Truth". I don't think explaining it in this blog post will do the game justice, but it's a game designed to encourage honesty and intimacy in female friendships, with these awesome little "western charms" like little boots, spurs, horses for game pieces, and hats for an added bonus. Seriously, ever since buying that game I've wanted to make some trail mix, whip up some margaritas and gather together all of my dearest girlfriends who are currently scattered across the entirety of the US of A, and laugh and cry until the cows came home.
So off to google I went, researching quotes and stories of the very first cow girls of the West. Not surprisingly, I walked away inspired and enlightened by the courageous lives of these women, who didn't allow society norms and limitations of the understanding of their sex to prevent them from following their passions and dreams. I think that we can all learn a thing or two from them, so I decided to post the widely unknown list of "Cow Girl Smarts".

Cow Girl Smarts

1. Sometimes you have to buck the norms to pursue your dreams

2. adventure and Excitement Beat Housework

3. Be tough, but revel in your femininity

4. When life throws you to the ground, get back on the horse
5. Don’t let others belittle your achievements

6. Accept the nature of things

7. Work hard and look after other cowpokes

8. Never steal another cowgirl’s horse or thunder

9. Attack life like it’s a 1000 pound steer

10. Act on your beliefs rather than protesting for them

11. Use common sense, if you don’t, the cattle will knock it into you

12. Let the land rejuvenate your soul

13. Walk beside your pardner, not in front

14. When cow poking doesn’t pay, be resourceful

15. Embrace urban cowgirls

Yeehaw! Lasso those rules, and you'll be ready to face anything on the trail of life!

Courageous Trust

2010-07-30T00:11:00.008-05:00

Never before have I had to "Trust in the Lord with all my heart" than I have this last year. I've come to realize that I'm really quite a courageous person by nature, which has actually been a slightly shocking personal realization. When I think about the things that I've done, the choices I've made, the places I've lived and the people I've met, I'm baffled at my courage to "take on life". It certainly is not of me.
Throughout this year ( and sprinkled through most of my blog posts,) there has been a reoccurring theme of learning what it means in every sense of the word to trust my Savior with a deep abandon. Friends, I believe that I've finally gone beyond the "Sunday school" childhood mentality; I have had my fill of milk, and I have graduated to solid food.
I've learned that in order to trust God, that means we must completely put ourselves aside; it means we must become extremely quiet, and bring our sense of self down to the lowest possible caliber, so that He can show us in our incapable humanity and sinful nature how much we actually do need Him and desire to see His hand on our lives.
There has been an old "Point of Grace" song that has been in my head for awhile now. The words are so solid and so full of truth.

God Forbid

The more I know your power, Lord
The more I'm mindful
How casually we speak and sing Your name
How often we have come to You
With no fear or wonder
And called upon You only for what we stand to gain

God forbid, that I find You so familiar
That I think of You as less than who You are
God forbid, that I should speak of You at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God forbid

Lord, I often talk about Your love and mercy
How it seems to me Your goodness has no end
It frightens me to think that I could take You for granted
Though You're closer than a brother
You're more than just a friend

You are Father, God Almighty
Lord of Lords, Your King of Kings
Beyond my understanding
No less than everything

Amen? Choosing to trust God means choosing to believe that He is trustworthy. It means that we choose to believe that He is capable, powerful, awesome, incredible and worthy of taking residence of every area of our life. May God forgive us for every losing this mentality; for ever forgetting His authority over our lives.

May you experience the transforming power of submitting your will, your pain, your anxiety, your fear, your confusion, your blessings, your money, your job, your dreams, your hopes, your desires, your lover, your children, your family....

To THE provider, THE Sustainer, THE Rock, THE Shepherd, THE Creator, THE Comforter, THE Guide, THE Lover, THE Confidant, THE Healer... THE Lord of the of this world, the Inn Keeper of our hearts and the joy our lives....

Forever, and ever.

Amen.

Gaps with a Purpose

2010-07-25T13:55:00.003-05:00

Something that God has been teaching me lately is that there is a divine purpose for the voids in our lives. Things aren't empty or "incomplete" for no good reason, and the timing of when that void gets filled (or if it ever gets filled), is not for us deal with.

We live in a society that rushes to "fill in the gaps". It can be as simple and frivelous as buying a picture to hang on the wall because something is "missing" in the completion of the decor, or that "poor, young single person" whom is the working "project" of all his friends, because it simply isn't good to be single.

Why do we get nervous when there is a gap to be filled? And what makes us view it as a gap? Am I the only one who spends time pondering questions like these? (Right now I can visualize at least 5 of my faithful readers shaking their heads, with a slight smirky smile). But really, think about this. What is it that communicates to us that something is "missing", "incomplete" or "not whole"?

I think the answer varies from person to person, but I am certain in saying that culture plays a huge role in what is identified as a "gap", and that same culture is quick to offer so many ways in which to fill that gap. I won't spend time telling you the various "fulfilling" resources that culture offers, I'm sure you can do that on your own; but I am going to spend time telling you how the voids/ gaps in our lives are not only "okay", but serve a divine purpose in our walk with the Lord.

I think the most tangible example that one can use as a "gap" in life is a relationship and/or a spouse. Society says that if you are without that, there is something "missing". Same goes for the "American Dream", which is commonly indentified as a well paying job, a spouse, kids, the white picket fence and dream home. Unfortunantly, there are far too many individuals ( Christians as well as non-Christians) who go through life searching for ways to fill those voids and wondering what could possibly be so wrong with them that that void isn't filled. But the truth is friends, that I believe God uses those voids in our lives so that HE can be the one to fill that gap.

Here is what God revealed to me: God has given me a deep desire for marriage. Every day that desire deepens. I want to come along side of my husband, encourage him, uplift and support him, and have those same blessings in return. God designed woman to desire that, and I think that that is beautiful. I have had the choice as to whether or not to be fearful as to why that gap has yet to be filled, but what I've come to learn in a very real way is that those empty gaps are what draws us closer to our Father. God wants to fill all of those gaps in our lives, and He wants us to truly know within the depths of our heart, that He and only He, can have that privilege.

I am always aware that sharing pieces of my personal life is a risk of my own personal vulnerability, but my prayer is that by being vulnerable and honest, I may minister to the heart of at least one individual, and that that individual would in turn muster up the courage to do the same for another.

May you experience the peace that comes when you allow Jesus to stand in all the gaps of your life. May you have the courage to accept, see and embrace the ways in which He can meet every need, sealing each one with His grace and understanding.

Broken

2010-07-22T07:07:00.004-05:00

Just like a piece of precious china, that has shattered on the ground

I praise you that you are my mender, and every piece is to be found

I thank you that in my brokeness, you humbly allow me to see

That you withold no good from your children, and that includes me.

And when you choose to do so, it is only to help me see

That the greatest love I could experience, is to draw ever close to thee.

So I draw close to thee, with my broken heart in my hands

and I crawl into your arms, knowing that you understand.

You take your finger and gently wipe each tear away

At your feet my pain and burdens I do lay.

So I praise you, oh mender of my heart

I praise you that even in my brokeness, I am truly whole

and that even though the cares of this life certainly take their toll

You take your hand upon my heart, healing it once again

So if it means being broken in order for you to mend

May I always be broken, again and again and again.